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Empty Nest Not So Bad After All
Filed under: Empty Nest
You've heard of "empty nest syndrome." While not an actual medical condition, empty nest occurs when one's children leave the home, mostly to go to college or to seek their fortune in the world.
Women are said to be particularly affected by empty nest syndrome. Increasingly, though, researchers are concluding that the empty nest can be a good thing.
Once the children leave the house, for example, spouses have more time for each other, They also get to focus on themselves, as well as assume less responsibility. Enter greater relaxation.
Some research, posted in the journal Psychological Science, suggests that couples enjoy more marital satisfaction after the kids move out.
Additionally, a study of 185 men and women published in the Journal of Advanced Nursing concluded that marital satisfaction starts to decline with pregnancy, and increases once the baby arrives. Other studies have noted that couples with more than one child scored seven points lower in terms of marital satisfaction than those with only one child -- despite the fact that babies do bring couples happiness.
This makes sense -- once you have a child you have less time for each other. Multiply that by the number of kids you have and you could have one of those relationships where you feel more like ships passing in the night than a married couple.
On this cusp of the Valentine's Day season, here's a suggestion. Take the time, even if there's only a little of it to go around, to spend with each other. Take that romantic vacation for two you've been dreaming of. Eat dinner out with just the two of you for a change -- even if it means hiring a sitter or calling in the grandparents to help out.
Do things as a couple, as you did before children, as often as possible. The happier the marriage, the better for the family. In other words, what's good for the goose is good for the gander and the goslings, too.
When your kids are gone, even if it's for a sleep-over, do you try to reestablish yoruselves as a couple? Do you feel, "Ahh, now there's finally a little time for just the two of us?"
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
1-23-2009 @ 2:41PM
Marie said...Since this is about empty nesters, why did the last paragraph advise getting a sitter or using grandparents if necessary for a night out? LOL. Please don't forget us single parent empty-nesters. We are going to be lonely (well a lot of us.)
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1-23-2009 @ 8:28PM
shombuddiesmommy said...The article caught my eye because I related with the empty nest title, as I read on though it made a complete turn around so I'm not sure whether it was about spending time alone or spending time with a spouse.
I've experiened the empty nest slowly. When my eldest, the first of the three of my children went off to college, work and to a different state altogether, I wasn't that affected as when the third child left for college. It was because I still had three at home, to keep me busy. It was several years before the second child left to college, there is a six year gap there and even then I didn't feel very sad or upset but two years later when the third left for college I felt so very sad and upset that I cried for days. My youngest, attends middle school child thought and said, "this was because he is your favorite." I protested because they are all "my favorites" and just couldn't figure out what made me so sad about the whole situation. I thought after all the years of laundry and cooking,cleaning,and noise, I was going to be happy to get this tremendous break. It took me weeks to regain my momentum and pull out of a hugh depression that over took me. I found that keeping myself busy and I do mean busy, (I went back to college full time) helped me to over come my feelings of unhappiness. We are a close family and talk on the phone every few days to catch up and keep up. I'll have my last child leaving for college in five years, she is already planning for college and it's inevitable that she too will take the path away from me, (wouldn't want it any other way) I'm getting braced and reminding myself this is "how it goes," and thanking goodness she loves her cell phone.
The second part I've got to say I haven't handled so well, raising children does take alot of time, school activities, after school activities, lessons, sports, having to go here and there and inevitable no quiet time for each other. Work became a major focus which divided my family into two different directions, we grew apart his hours got later and eventually the guy found someone else who focused on him. We are good friends,now. Maybe I should have hired that babysitter...who knows.
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