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Kate Gosselin Advice to Mom of Octuplets - "You Can Do This!"

by Susan Wagner (Subscribe to Susan Wagner's posts)
Jan 27th 2009 3:01PM

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New moms often turn to other mothers for advice and support -- but when you're the mom of octuplets, who can you talk to? Another mom of mega multiples, of course!

Kate Gosselin, mom of twins and sextuplets, star of TLC's Jon and Kate Plus 8 and co-author of the New York Times bestseller "Multiple Blessings," has perhaps the best perspective of what's in store for the anonymous California woman who gave birth to six boys and two girls yesterday. What are the best three pieces of advice would she give to this new mom as she faces a new life with eight little ones? Gosselin shared her thoughts exclusively with ParentDish.com.


Kate Gosselin of Jon and Kate Plus 8

    Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you had one more child? How about two more? How about SIX more?

    Four years ago, Jon and Kate Gosselin went from being parents of two to parents of eight, and their lives have never been the same.

    Getty Images

    Today we all have a window into that life on TLC's Jon and Kate Plus 8. And of course, part of peeking into someone else's life is hypothesizing how we might do things differently or better, because it's always easy to imagine what you would do in someone else's shoes.

    What is harder to imagine is what it would really be like to walk in those other shoes -- what's it like to wake up every morning and be Kate Gosselin? ParentDish had a chance to ask her just that recently.

    TLC.Discovery.com

    In a normal week, the Gosselins have a television crew in their house about half the time, which is a lot, if you think about it. And while they will occasionally opt out of filming specific moments with their kids, the Gosselins have no editorial control over the show -- what you see is what you get, packaged by a team of folks at Discovery and TLC. But, Kate says, this is reality TV, and it accurately reflects life at the Gosselin house; nothing is pre-planned or made up. "We don't have time to memorize scripts," she jokes.

    I believe that.

    "We set out to show the truth," Kate says, "I couldn't watch it if it weren't true." What you see, in every televised moment, is precisely what is happening -- no stage directions or do-overs. This is life at the Gosselin house.

    Getty Images

    Kate Gosselin has gotten quite a bit of flak, both from the media and from viewers, for the way she treats her husband; the two are often shown bickering during the show. Kate says the criticisms don't bother her; she doesn't Google herself or make a practice of reading about herself on or off line. "Everyone has an opinion," she says, "and I'm only paying attention to my own." But she does admit that the way the show is edited affects how people see her family and her marriage. "If Jon and I have three spats over a two day period, they're going to edit it to make it look like those happened in the 22 minute period." The show is just a small slice of her family's life, after all.

    TLC.Discovery.com

    Kate is clearly focused not on what goes on outside her family but on her children. Her goal, she says, is to treat each child like an only child -- a hard thing to do when you're the mom of eight. "I hold myself to a very high standard," she says. At the same time, though, she's not trying to be perfect, or even to appear perfect to viewers of the show. She's just living her life.

    And yes, she's living it with television cameras in her house, but it's still her real life. Kate says that while the experience of being on television has changed her life, it hasn't changed who she is. She says the same about having eight children -- "It's hard to live through what we have lived through and not change. We are the same -- it's how people treat us" that is different.

    Getty Images

    One of the hardest things about her family, Kate says, is the noise; there are days when the older girls, Cara and Mady, come home from school and their reports about what they have done are drowned out by the noise of the sextuplets. More than anything, she says, she longs for peace and quiet -- otherwise, she would not change a thing about her life.

    Getty Images

    Kate finds the humor in her life -- recently, she partnered with P&G to help promote some of their brands, including Bounty paper towels, which she refers to as "my weapon of choice." She also laughs about the end of nap time at the Gosselin house; the sextuplets are four now and no one, Kate says, naps any more. But it's a rare night that the family gets through dinner without someone dozing off at the table. Recently, Jon said, "I think we can kiss goodbye ever having a family dinner again." A good night, Kate said, is when the kids push their plates out of the way before they fall asleep.

    You have to laugh about that, and Kate Gosselin does.

    Getty Images

    The Gosselins have a strong faith in God; they are often seen on the show wearing t-shirts with scripture on them and attending church. But despite the fact that the show doesn't highlight their faith, the Gosselins see it as an opportunity to share what they believe. Their website, The Gosselin 10, includes prayers and devotionals, and Jon and Kate travel around speaking to various churches and groups about their life and faith. The show, Kate says, has given them this opportunity to share what they believe.

    Amazon.com

    And for the Gosselins, being on television is about opportunity, not fame. The show has opened a variety of doors for them; Kate and Jon both work from home, which makes their life as parnents of eight more manageable. But it's not easy by any means -- there are days, Kate says, when she and Jon work until midnight.

    Kate has three pieces of advice for other parents. "Every morning, before my feet hit the floor," she says, "I pray for strength, just enough to get through that day." She reminds parents that a sense of humor can get you through nearly everything -- laugh, she says, don't cry. And finally, the most important lesson of all: "Always remember that bedtime comes, every single day."

    sixgosselins.com




"I would say, first of all, congratulations on your hard hard work -- getting your babies here safe and sound!," she beamed. "Second, hold on. The NICU is quite a scary ride. Finally, you can do this -- from now until forever, you will struggle with a gamut of emotions but you can and you will be okay."

Gosslin goes on to caution the California mother that, like all new moms, she should "look forward to feelings of overwhelming proportions -- good, bad and ugly." But unlike moms of singles or twins, moms of remarkable multiples will be barraged by outsiders. "People will pop up with advice when they have no idea [of] the situation." And of course, more babies means more help, which means more people around all the time.

The new mom should be prepared for a "loss of privacy, and loneliness," Gosselin said. "It's all survivable, though, if you are determined enough."

All the California octuplets are still in the NICU. While they are reported to be doing well, they aren't out of the woods yet; three of the eight require breathing assistance. Their doctors indicated that the next seven days will be critical for all eight babies.

Serious medical uncertainties is something Gosselin relates to, saying that she and husband Jon got through the NICU with "Lots of prayer!" She also cautions, though, that "our babies sailed through the NICU. But that was rare and a miracle to say the least." We hope that the octuplets have as easy a time as the Gosselin's sextuplets did.

Finally, Gosselin has a simple but powerful piece of advice for the new mom: "Trust God's plan -- He knows best!" We're sure that lots of people -- Kate Gosselin included -- will be keeping these tiny babies in their prayers in the days to come.

What advice do you have, whether you're a parent of one, five or none, for this remarkable new family?

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