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Does Facebook Encourage Adultery?
Filed under: Opinions
It's official -- Facebook is the handiwork of the devil.The latest application of this social-media tool gives a whole new meaning to being "poked" by an old friend: yes, I'm talking about sex. "Retrosex," to be exact.
The Boston Phoenix taps into this new erotic trend with an article about men and women in their mid-twenties and thirties hooking up with old high-school flames or friends, and rekindling romances now that they're all grown up.
Remember that guy from science class you were too afraid to ask to prom? Now you're brimming with confidence and maybe he liked you, too. A couple of emails and a few tipsy, late-night online chats and he admits that he always thought you were out of his league. Maybe you arrange to meet for drinks, and maybe drinks turn into dinner and ...
You can guess the rest.
This is all fine and dandy if you're footloose and fancy-free, but what happens when husbands and wives start looking up their first loves?
Before Facebook, you had to wait for your 20-year reunion to get a full-frontal look at the guy/girl who broke your heart. Now all it takes is a couple of clicks and there you are -- boom! -- face-to-face with your unresolved past.
Say you just happen to be goofing off, looking for the profile of your ex-boyfriend on a day when your husband forgot to pay the electric bill and refused to help you do the dishes. And say that ex-boyfriend just happens to carry a torch for you. Say he asks you out for coffee, just for old time's sake. Wouldn't you be tempted (remember the fight over the dinner dishes?) to say yes?
I don't use Facebook, because frankly, I didn't enjoy high school. Or college. At all. I'm much happier now, thank you very much. But I'm also smart enough to know that the temptation to look up people from my past would be overwhelming.
Isn't there a reason that your past is your past? Is Facebook a gateway to adultery, or is it just harmless fun to look up your lost loves?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
2-09-2009 @ 8:49AM
Jamie said...For me it is all harmless fun. I am a proud and happy wife of 7 almost 8 years. I live in Saint Louis by the airport and even George Clooney himself would not be able to draw me out of my Husband's arms. Therefore, I can safely say that facebook for me is just a chance to connect with old friends. I had never even thought of the poke option as being a sexual thing. I don't use that option, but friends have used it on me. Is it the same if a girl pokes me? Does that mean that girl had a secret crush on me at high school and is secretly a ... well you know. Too funny. It feels like another lame attempt at duplicating temptation island. Will she, will he ..... why am I watching this show?
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2-09-2009 @ 8:52AM
Inger said...I think this article is a little ridiculous. If people are going to be unfaithful, they will do it with or without Facebook. I am really glad to have a way to connect with people I don't see often or never, see pictures of their kids, and randomly 'poke them' just for the heck of it.
I am guilty of checking on old flames - one guy who I dated for 4 years who is now engaged and I am happy for him, and the other guy is the "sperm donor" for my 5 year old son who signed away his parental rights but I like to know where he is just in case it becomes necessary at some point.l don't see myself hooking up with them any time soon as I have been happily married for a few years...
Just my .02!
Inger
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2-09-2009 @ 10:53AM
Trisha said...Gads, lets blame everything we can on something or someone else. Like pp said, people will have an affair if they want to. I mean that if they can't control themselves then with resources like facebook, not much is going to help their marriage.
Facebook is fun for reconnecting with old friends. And annoying too- you are suddenly face to face with everyone you ever went to school with, ever.
So, no it doesn't cause adultery. People do that.
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2-09-2009 @ 11:18AM
Joy said...I agree with the 3 previous posters. Someone who is going to cheat because she's mad that her husband didn't do the dishes is going to cheat with or without Facebook.
It never occurred to me to look up "lost loves" there. I use Facebook to keep in touch with all my family members. It's really nice that you can post pics of your life and write little notes back and forth that you wouldn't do if you had to address an envelope and mail. Some of my cousins and I talk back and forth several times a day and if not for Facebook, I wouldn't probably talk to them at all. We get all goofy sometimes and put in old pics or funny ones and share memories from our past that only we know.
Adultery???? If your going to cheat, I wouldn't pick Facebook to do it. It's much to NON private.
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2-09-2009 @ 12:02PM
Maureen said...Yeah... I doubt that facebook is going to turn people into adulterers unless they were perhaps already headed down that path.
I love facebook. It's the lazyman's way to stay in touch with friends in busy times. You can drop a pal or relative a quick note to let them know you are thinking about them, or easily share a photo. I have three scrabble games going on with friends and family and I've joined some groups -- like a running group. I've looked up people from my past, but I had never really been head over heels for anyone until my husband, so no worries there. But it is nice to connect with people who faded away for various reasons.
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2-09-2009 @ 12:08PM
Adventures In Babywearing said...Amy, I've recently had this happen to TWO of my friends. Seriously- because of Facebook. It's true and it's heartbreaking.
And they all have kids, too.
Steph
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2-09-2009 @ 12:24PM
Stacy said...To Adventures in Babywearing:
I agree with the other postings. It is not BECAUSE of facebook that it happens. Sure, facebook might make it easier, but if someone is cheating it is BECAUSE they are cheaters, not because of a website.
3-07-2009 @ 3:01AM
Ty said...tho' it wasn't facebook, something like this happened to me. didn't know his secret side until after (& I have know this guy for many yrs and were really close the last 2yrs). going into the relationship, he was at 4 different dating sites. (I only knew of one). By the end of it, a few months later, he was up to 9. I was so sad and disappointed in him at first. Then I thought, hey, it took 9 sites before I lost him to the internet. I must be doing better than I thought. He just joined facebook recently. They can have him. If you want to go to those places and play like that, you can HAVE him. I may even throw in some $$ if you can get him far, far, far, far, away as possible. Those peeps who use these types of sites for the "wrong" reasons usually have low self esteem, low self worth, and/or commitment issues...all this info is online. It's sometimes called "EMOTIONAL AFFAIRS."
If your other half tell you abt it, shows it to you, tells you what's going on in there. But if its done behine your back, you know the intentions are not good! Cyber affairs...like the world needs more problems...
but like most, I don't blame the sites. Yes, I do blame him!
2-09-2009 @ 7:57PM
Mary said...I think facebook certainly make reconnecting with your past lovers more easy... and that can be an aid to cheating... but I agree with the previous posters, you can't blame facebook for causing someone to cheat.
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2-09-2009 @ 7:59PM
sandy said...Until I read this, I guess that adulterous activity involving Facebook had never even crossed my mind.
Funny enough, my husband has had that experience though. An old friend from camp that claimed to have a crush on him YEARS ago has now called our home. Twice. It doesn't bother me because I completely trust my husband, but now that I think of it, I can see that sort of stuff happening.
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3-26-2009 @ 3:10PM
Brandi said...First of all, Facebook doesn't have to be just for rekindling romances. It's not Match.com. It's social networking. In fact, I am already seeing someone and we both have a Facebook account used only to keep in touch with friends. We use it to see what Social activities are going on in the neighborhood or keep in touch with friends that live in our home state. I think it's a bit presumptuous to assume people are only using it to "hook up" or "cheat". This isn't Myspace, you know.
B.
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4-29-2009 @ 11:31AM
Mratmguy said...Brandi,
I think that through lifes ebbs and flows we all have had someone we loved and for whatever reason lost. Face Book is nothing more than a means to an end.
I believe we are all romanticists at heart and when someone we cared about contacts us, it touches on that root of the romantic inclination.
Where the innocent romantic fascination changes into a moral quandary is when we decide to act upon this romantic desire.
It can and will break hearts, destroy families and cause riffs in relationships.
It will also, however, bring two people back together and give them an opportunity to explore the desires of the heart long since forgotten and lost in the mundane activities of our simple every day existence.
I fall in the later category. Reconnecting would not have been possible without Face Book because of time and distance. I for one am glad that the possibility to reconnect was there, I now have a beautiful wife and lover.
So before you sit down to judge society and the morality of loving someone from the past, think about the immoral action of staying with someone you don't love, out of financial convenience.
5-08-2009 @ 3:20PM
B. said...I'm surprised at how dismissive some of the replies are to this blog. The best intentioned people can start down a slippery slope without even realizing what they're getting themselves into. Social networking sites can be great but let's be honest, there is a great potential to open a pandora's box. You hear stories of it everyday. And just because you feel confident that you wouldn't fall victim don't be so sure that your significant other won't.
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5-31-2010 @ 1:47AM
steffi-san said...People have been cheating on each other since relationships started happening. And those who will cheat WILL cheat, with or without Facebook.
I like using Facebook because of the games. My whole family does. We live in different continents and when we're not talking on skype, we bond through Farmville and Pet Society gifts.
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7-14-2010 @ 12:24PM
Jasmine said...I completely agree with the article. I think that people are so naive and deeply enmeshed is these things that they can't see the big picture. The big picture is that these tools are without a doubt baby footsteps to things that harm society such as adultery and casual sex. I'll admit I do like Facebook, because of the easy hook-up with old friends, but I can also see the evil behind it. Just as in other things; for example it was also proven that when a large number of women joined the work force back in the day adultery increased substantially-and I'm a woman! But the numbers are the numbers. And I have no doubt in my mind that in a few years we will see similar things connected to these types of social networking sites.
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8-20-2010 @ 11:00AM
jarvis said...My wife did exactly what this article said - and being a stay at home mom - I really don't think she would have cheated without facebook. She rekindled her first boyfriend and they had a full on affair - talking everyday and then videochatting while i was at work and then they met up a few times and had sex...all while I was at home taking care of our 3 and 5 yr old children and his wife was home pregnant. Really classly wife - thanks a lot Facebook - I have been depressed and hurt beyond belief for the last 3 months.
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