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Too Young for Romance
Filed under: Holidays
Valentine's Day is almost upon us. Children of all ages will exchange cards, hugs and candy hearts. It starts as young as kindergarten, and continues until the kids discover that sometimes "love" is more fun in private.I know this will make some folks mad, but maybe having little kids make Valentine's for their peers is a bad idea.
To illustrate, here are some examples, both personal and fictional.When I was a lad, a mere 6 years old, I had a girlfriend. She was a blonde. Short hair. Wendy to my Peter Pan. (Literally – we put on a play together at my house. I used my mother's wooden letter opener as a sword. Very romantic.) One day at school, we decided, over blocks, that we would have a baby together. We weren't clear on the details; we just knew that a man needed something and a woman needed something else. Put these two things together and WAM! Little bundle of joy. So we agreed to go to Woolworth's (a now-defunct department store) where we were positive the appropriate parts could be purchased. I don't think we knew what exactly we needed to buy, but we seemed certain that each came in it's own little plastic bag and was next to the pet food aisle. (That girl's name... was Nadya Suleman. Just kidding.)
Remember Ralph Wiggum? Poor Ralph. His heart was broken by Lisa Simpson when she rejected his offer of love. Eventually she gives him a Valentine – "I Choo-Choo-Choose You" – and all was forgiven.
Remember how Charlie Brown was the only kid in his class that didn't get a single Valentine? He opens his mailbox only to get a kiss on the nose from his trusty beagle.
No matter how hard teachers try to keep everything fair, there will always be a Charlie Brown or a Ralph Wiggum (it's usually the boys, isn't it?) who doesn't get a card. Or maybe they get a card, but everyone else gets more cards. And for the kid who isn't getting cards, Valentine's Day sucks big time. Typically the cardless kid is the one who isn't popular the rest of the year. Why create a school-sanctioned event that will make the poor guy feel even worse than he already does?
Look. Young love is adorable. Those little German kids who tried to elope were undeniably cute. And look at this video!
Can I get an "Awwww"? Still, why teach kids how to judge their peers based on some notion of romance that they don't really understand? I know. It's just fun. I should lighten up. But what if your child is Charlie Brown? Then how would you feel?
Confession time: My kindergarten success with the ladies didn't last; I had no elementary school romantic entanglements. By high school I got my mojo back, and I'm keeping those stories to myself. By then I didn't have to sit around a table with construction paper and glue making sticky heart-shaped cards for my fellow students.
Here's an idea. Why not make Valentine's Day cards for an organization like Meals on Wheels? Or Ronald McDonald House? Wouldn't that be a nice thing to do? It's certainly better than (a) forcing kids to make cards for kids in their class that they don't like, just to be "nice" or (b) letting them make cards only for the kids that they do like, thereby making anyone who doesn't get cards feel like crap. Let them discover boyfriend/girlfriend stuff on their own. It's cuter, and leads to less hurt feelings.
What do you think? Is it cute when little kids make Valentine's Day cards? Or are we teaching them a bad lesson?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
2-11-2009 @ 11:45AM
Paul Cyopick said...Unfortunately, life sometimes isn't fair. Although in my kids' classes they are supposed to write out a card for each person, I went through the "I'm not sending her one, she's mean" just last night while writing out the Valentine's cards.
If your child is the "Ralph Wiggum" of Valentine's cards, treat it as an opportunity to teach your child about fairness and friendliness. How many adults send out Christmas cards, then get mad if someone doesn't send them one in return? The act of giving should be the reward, not the getting.
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2-11-2009 @ 12:14PM
Joy said...I agree with Paul. Life just isn't fair sometimes and kids do need to learn that. I had a little conversation with my 8 year old granddaughter on Monday about this. She told me she wished she didn't have to send any to the boys and I told her to think how they'd feel if they didn't get any. She agreed that she wouldn't want to hurt their feelings.
At this point they are supposed to send to everyone so at this young age we are all responsible to see that that happens and if it doesn't, be there to have the "life isn't fair" talk.
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2-11-2009 @ 2:57PM
Jasi said...Take away Valentine's because it's unfair, Halloween because it's too scary and Christmas because not everyone celebrates and you've got one SLOOW school year. I'm Jewish and I say, the more holidays, the better. Hell, I'll don an elf hat if it means a party! Celebrate each birthday, each holiday and enjoy being a kid because it goes so fast. Would kill for a recess or nap time during the work week. Is it Jill's birthday yet? Cupcakes anyone?
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2-11-2009 @ 3:12PM
Ellen from MindBites.com said...I have been thinking a lot about Valentine's Day over the past week or so as we have been making our handmade cards for both of my children's classes.
I think there is a benefit to exchanging cards, especially if there is a rule set that you have to make a card for each person in the class. The benefit is that you are teaching your child how to express themselves in words, pictures and design.
Learning how to express feelings and finding things to complement another human being on, even if they are a stinker, is tricky and a learned skill. It also takes practice to learn how to accept a complement and kind words (as an adult, I still am not good at this). :)
My daughter who is in first grade did not want to write a sweet message on a card for a boy in her class that she does not like so instead she drew a picture of something that she knows he likes. I thought that it was so thouhgtful and creative. The other benefit is that it is a great opportunity to practice neat, well spaced handwriting and art expression.
http://blog.mindbites.com/flower-arrangements-for-valentines-day/
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2-11-2009 @ 3:13PM
Melissa said...My daughter's school sent a note home asking parents to not fill out the "to:" line, just the "from:" line, and then told us how many kids were in the class....I guess that's fair, right?
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2-11-2009 @ 6:59PM
Karen said...I am so thrilled to see the comments that take a potential problem and turn it into a positive for their children. This is exactly the approach that adults need to take in life. Instead, we rush to remove all POSSIBLY offending anything. We act like children. If I can't have it - you can't have it insted of rational thinking adults.
I'm thrilled at these responses.
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2-11-2009 @ 11:17PM
queenoqueens said...Is anyone else creeped out by the boy trying to kiss the girl in the video? I know it's probably supposed to be cute, but, seeing pushy, unwanted advances at such a young age is just *gag*
My daughter's teacher had a good idea, similar to the one mentioned previously. Just sign your own name, don't address each one. It removes the feeling of making cards for kids you don't like, allows everyone to get one, and takes that much less time for everyone involved. Brilliant!
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2-12-2009 @ 7:18AM
vickid said...By fifth grade boys are bringing bouquets of flowers to school for their favorite girl. Jewelry and candy too. It is just so hard to be just an average clueless kid. Valentines Day has become an "in-your-face" kind of holiday. I drove carpool last year and every girl in my car was crying because no one had received gifts. The popular kids just get more popular, and the others just feel worse about themselves. A million years ago when I was a kid, this was about kindness. May Day too. We cut flowers from the garden, rang the neighbors' doorbells and left anonymous bouquets on their porches. I have always loved Valentines Day, but I don't like what it has become. Kids learn soon enough just how cruel life can be. We need to teach compassion. Remember compassion?
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2-13-2009 @ 4:56AM
homeschool5 said...Little kids think that the need boyfriend/girlfriends by the time they are 5 or 6. By the time they are 10-12, many are already experiencing things made for marriage. The rate of teen pregnancy is way too high. I think it starts with the preschoolers watching the have naked disney princesses that aren't happy unless they are with their "prince." It's the adults that make kids clothes that look like madonna's and parents that buy them that are really hurting children. Valentines Day should be for adults, and possibly giving the kids something from Daddy & Mommy, not for them to exchange love messages. Public schools are set up to hurt the kids that are not attractive, athletic, or rich. Sort of like two kids getting to choose teams, there was always a couple of kids that no one wanted to pick. How do you think those kids felt? All children deserve love, not put downs or being left out intentionally just because you can.
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