Hot on HuffPost Parents:
Barbara Greenberg: The Problem With Dressing Like Your Teen
Why Daughters Push Dads To Appreciate Equality
Alfie Patten and Baby Maisie - Two Kids in Need of Good Parenting
Filed under: Opinions
If seeing baby-faced Alfie Patten, 13, and 15-year-old Chantelle Steadman posing with their newborn baby for a celebrity-style photo spread in the British tabloids were not depressing enough, now as many as eight other boys in their neighborhood have stepped forward to say that they too could be the father of poor little one-week old Maisie. One of the boys is even demanding a DNA test.
Every day as more and more details surface, we begin to see a picture of the kind of moral and family breakdown that robs children like Alfie and Chantelle of the pleasures of an authentic childhood, for the false "freedom" of sex. And while these kids seem to say the right things -- "I know I'm young, but I plan to be a good dad. I think we'll be good parents. I'll have to work extra hard at school." -- there's undoubtedly a disturbing and telling sense of shamelessness in the way their families have permitted them to exploit their predicament for tabloid fame.
Even a cursory read of this dysfunctional soap opera will lead to one glaring deficiency in these kids' lives -- parental supervision! Chantelle was permitted to have boys spend the night at her house, and virtually all of the boys' parents claim that they thought their son was at a "mate's" house, not Chantelle's. With clueless and lazy parents like that, it doesn't take a lot of imagination to wonder what kind of smutty television, movies, video games these kids were ingesting in the hours they spent on their own, which in all likelihood contributed to their sexual activity. In this day and age, protecting our children from an overly and overtly sexualized culture is a full-time job, even in the best of circumstances. Here we see what happens when lax parenting meets a decaying youth culture.
Sadly, this problem is not exclusive to Britain. Nor should we blame poverty (although apparently the families in this particular story live in subsidized public housing and receive public assistance). Being poor is not an excuse for bad parenting. To say so insults the poor and working class and and belies facts: plenty of people, including my own parents, were raised in poorer homes and were taught morality and decency. Common sense and morals are not a factor of income. There simply is no substitute for good parenting and strong families – not even a whole lot of government money or well-intentioned social programs.
Iain Duncan Smith, a former Tory leader and director of the Center for Social Justice in England describes the situation perfectly: "This is a tragic example of the nation's social decline. I don't know about these particular families but too many dysfunctional families in Britain today have children growing up where anything goes. It exemplifies the point we have been making about broken Britain. It's not being accusative, it's about pointing out the complete collapse in some parts of society of any sense of what's right and wrong."
Amen to that!
Your<span>Voice</span>
Ask Us Anything About Parenting
TheTalkies:RelatedVideos
-
Baby Sleeping Tips for Parents
In this parenting video learn some tips on how to lay your baby safely down to sleep.
-
How to Make Baby Routines Work
Jessica Hartshorn explains why baby routines work and how they make your life easier.
-
First Time Parents - DadLabs Ep. 65 The Lounge
First time parents are so sweet. The way they think that no one has ever had a baby before, or that their baby is the cutest in the world, or that the child's needs come before everything and everyone else in the universe. Actually they're annoying. Distributed by Tubemogul.
-
Basic Information for New Parents
In this video, we talk to the author of the book Baby Secrets and discuss the main ideas of the book.
SitesWeLove
- Site Map
- |
- Staff
- |
- Terms of Service
- |
- Privacy Policy
- |
- Trademarks
- |
- Advertise With Us
- |
- About Our Ads
- |
- AOL Downloads
- |
- Contact Us
- |
© Copyright 2012 AOL Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Aol Family
ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
2-17-2009 @ 4:22PM
Katheryn said...Amen.
Reply
2-17-2009 @ 5:24PM
queenoqueens said...Sometimes when I feel I come down to hard on my kids, I read stories like this and wonder if I'm being tough enough!
Reply
2-18-2009 @ 1:15AM
Pia said...I so agree with you. My son will be 20 this year and growing up he would call me the second boot camp. I'm proud in how I have raised my children. My family would tell me I am so hard.Well, I was mother and father and had to be, to not allow a situation like Alfie's. In addition to this I am disgusted to hear that other boys are claiming that this child could be theirs. Makes you really wonder... And they say we American's breed like wild fire and are out of control on many factors. I love England, but as the old saying goes, check your own backyard before to before you talk about someones elses'.
2-17-2009 @ 6:49PM
Melissa said...Amen....I was raised by a single mom, and we didn't always have a lot of money, or live in the nicest house, but we were always loved and taught right from wrong, and taught morals and values. Just because you are raised in a "poor" home doesn't mean your children will act out and be having sex by 12; and just because you are raised in a "rich" home doesn't mean you will be an angel (quite the opposite if we can go by Paris, the Olsen twins, and others).
Reply
2-17-2009 @ 6:52PM
Jessi said...It's just so sad. I mean I don't think that anything can be done from a political level. Nor can parenting techniques be mandated by law. At the same time, there is debate over whether or not it is wise to allow teen parents to be financially aided from policies. Have you seen this video:
http://www.newsy.com/videos/young_father_sparks_media_debate/
I think its a catch-22 kind of situation.
Reply
2-17-2009 @ 8:21PM
ninainindia said...Most of the times these unemployment people don't watch their children even though they have all the time to do so. It's not like they go to work to provide for their family, they sit on the couch and instead of raising their children, they throw them out the door in the morning and wish they spend the night somewhere else.
Reply
2-17-2009 @ 11:31PM
DorkyLou said...I thought It was bad when I met my fiance..
He was 18 and I was 17. I had just finished school and was thinking about college and the rest of my life when I went out on our first date. Two dates later, he told me that he may have a baby with his ex girlfriend.. Her age?? 15.. Yeah. I was floored.. I know that's common now a days, unfortunately, but it didn't hit me until I realized that I was actually falling for this guy and he got a 15 year old pregnant. Needless to say, I've sat on the outside looking in on that relationship, and there are teenagers and young adults having kids every day that are in no way, shape, or form ready to be parents. I've known both of their parents long enough to realize this is the reason there's a baby in the picture. I just cannot believe this story at all. Yeah accidents happen, but i mean, come on!!
Reply
2-18-2009 @ 8:02AM
Jamie said...If this is from a tabloid magazine, how do we know that this is a true story and not one being over dramatized? It does feel a bit like something off of Jerry Springer and I am convinced that they are all paid actors. No one could be that silly as to go on that show to display their emotions in front of an interactive and judging audience.
Reply
2-18-2009 @ 4:41PM
ame s said...I was raised by both of my parents, although my dad woked at least 18 hours a day. My brother and I didn't get away with jack-crap when we were kids, and the same went for both of my parents.
Some parents today just do not take the time to keep tabs on their children. Working full-time jobs is not an excuse. My parents and grandparents worked full-time, but managed to know where their kids where and what they were doing, without the benefit of cell phones.
I knew how pregnancy happened when I was 10 because I had started my period. My parents also told me that having sex did not make one an adult.
Reply
2-18-2009 @ 10:33PM
Sifrina said...Truly depressing to hear of such stories as a parent. I have said it before and I'll say it again - a parent's obligation to supervise does not end when your child is old enough to stay home alone. Your teenage kids need you now more than ever. Remember - you signed up for this!!
And you are absolutely correct, Rachel, about this not being an income based issue - our parents' generation may not have been rich, but they understood the parameters of appropriate behavior, which they lovingly and sternly taught us. Also, studies show that children with absentee dads (who work gazillions of hours to fund affluent lifestyles for their families) have kids with roughly the same dropout rates, drug usage rates, etc. as inner city kids who have never met their fathers.
Reply
2-21-2009 @ 3:06AM
arden vien said...the baby can affect the future of alfie patten.Im so sa to hear about this story i hope that they will know the truth as fast as possible.
Reply
2-26-2009 @ 8:53AM
Shannon said...The more I hear about this story, the more I believe that Chantelle is the one responsible for all of this. Multiple sex partners at 15??? Just atrocious. Somehow I have the strangest feeling that Alfie is going to be a good dad. It is also good that the judge issued a news blockout, the last thing the family needs is more intrigue.
http://instantamber.com
Reply