Bristol Palin Says Abstinence-Only Sex Ed is Just Not Realistic

by Sandy Maple (Subscribe to Sandy Maple's posts) Feb 18th 2009 9:00AM

Categories: Love & Sex, Celeb Kids, Celeb Parenting

Bristol Palin, teenage daughter of 44-year-old mother of five and former Vice Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin, made headlines last summer when it was revealed that she and boyfriend Levi Johnston were expecting a child. Ah, the irony of a teen pregnancy in a family of such staunch proponents of abstinence-only sex education.

Now you can count 18-year-old Bristol herself among those who say that expecting teens to abstain from sex is simply unrealistic. Three weeks after the birth of her son, Tripp, Bristol sat down to talk to Fox's Greta Van Susteren about life as mommy. After a couple of softballs about sleep and diapers, Van Susteren asked her about contraception.

Was she just lazy or did Bristol have a philosophical or religious opposition to using birth control? Visibly shaken, Bristol declined to respond, but did stammer, "Everyone should be abstinent, but it's just not realistic at all."

Bold Bristol not only departed from her mother's views, she gave real insight that only a teen could offer. She admits that among her teen peers, sex is "more and more accepted." It's always been that way, Bristol.

I was a teen mother myself and raised a daughter who also became a teen mother. I know where I went wrong, both as a teen and as a parent. And now that I am raising my granddaughter, I am determined to ensure that there are no more teen pregnancies in my family.

Here's how: Education. Whether it's how to avoiding pregnancy or chart a career, kids need all the information made available to them and an involved parent (or two) to steer them in the right direction.

It is a parents' right to educate their children about sex any way he or she sees fit. But I totally disagree with the idea that abstinence should be promoted as the only safe and responsible alternative for avoiding pregnancy (and STDs). Is teaching about contraceptives while telling your kids not to have sex a mixed message? Perhaps, but get over it. The entire world is sending your kids mixed messages. Sexual imagery has permeated our culture, and to pretend otherwise is totally naive and irresponsible.

Bristol Palin appears to be madly in love with her beautiful baby boy, and she is lucky to have the support of her family, a boyfriend who helps with baby duty and the financial means to care for him. I don't know if Sarah Palin has regrets about her failed approach to educating her daughter about sex, but I sure do. And it is clear that Bristol has regrets, as well.

When asked if she wishes that she had waited to become a mother, the teen mom nodded. "Of course, I wish it would happen in like ten years so I could have a job and an education and be like prepared and have my own house and stuff."

Do you feel bad for Bristol? Did her parents fail her by preaching abstinence-only sex ed?

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Comments (15)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

ninainindia 2-18-2009 @ 10:09AM

Abstinence or non-abstinence is not what causes pregnancies. It's using protection. I don't know how it is possible that these children don't know that unsafe sex is what leads to pregnancies (and STD's!).

My parents didn't teach me either way and I know plenty of other people and teenagers that were never taught by their parents or school about sex but they still know how babies are made.

SKL 2-18-2009 @ 10:29AM

If Bristol had said she did not know about contraceptives, you would have an argument. Unless she and her mother both state clearly that Bristol was kept ignorant of contraceptives right up until she became pregnant, the education argument is just meaningless.

Everyone I know who became pregnant before marriage knew plenty about contraception. Many were using it regularly. An unintended pregnancy at that age in this country is the result of a choice to take a known risk. Regardless of your parent's views on what should or shouldn't be taught in public schools.

Everyone I know who remained abstinent also knew plenty about contraceptives. Pregnancy risk isn't the only reason to remain abstinent.

It's a matter of self-control and personal responsibility. Some kids develop it earlier than others. Nobody here seems to be the least bit curious as to how we can help our kids develop it early enough to protect them from not only pregnancy, but many other dangerous and life-stunting risks. Throw them some condoms, then at least we don't have to take responsibility ourselves for our kids' behavior. How wise and progressive.

SKL 2-18-2009 @ 10:37AM

By the way, rather than all this guesswork seasoned with political bias, it would be more helpful to hear from parents like you (Sandy) about just what you believe didn't work with your daughter and how you will avoid those problems with your granddaughter. You say "education." Well, that's a broad term. Is there something specific that you didn't teach your daughter that you believe led to her choice to have unprotected sex? Are you saying your daughter didn't know about condoms? Are you saying that you didn't know about them? Or what, specifically? I've been reading you since you joined this site and have yet to hear you share the specifics of your parental wisdom on this matter. As the mother of two young daughters, I would seriously like to hear this kind of information without the political filter.

Madge 2-18-2009 @ 12:45PM

SKL- I agree with everything you said, 100%. People need to stop blaming lack of education or lack of parental guidance. Sure those are necessities, but that is not the main reason why kids get pregnant! I honestly think it has to do ALOT with a girl's self esteem. The girls that tend to love themselves more, and who are more comfortable in their skin, seem to be the ones who care enough to take care of themselves physically, emotionally, sexually.

My parents are amazing and they sat down and talked OFTEN about sex and why its best to abstain. They also told me that they did not want me to have sex and/or to get pregnant, but that they would rather me have protected sex than unprotected sex. Now dont get me wrong, it was absolutely expected for me to be a virgin up until the day I got married, but I think that deep down my parents knew, wether they wanted to admit it or not, that that was probably not going to happen. It was a new world and a new generation than the years they grew up in.

All that said, did I listen? No. I lost it at 17 to my first real boyfriend. Why did I do it? Peer pressure? No. I did it because I wanted to and because it felt good. I thought I was in love, and well, for a 17 year old, I was. Worse yet, did I use protection?? Nope. I had 3 serious relationships before I married my husband and how in the heck I did not get pregnant or and STD is beyond me. Was I educated about sex and the things that can happen? Absolutely. Did I know I could get pregnant? Absolutely. I guess as SKL said, it boils down to being young, feeling invinceable and taking chances. Also, I had a low self esteem, I did not look like my stick friends and my family wasnt swimming in the money like all my other private school friends. And when you look at our society today and the way it innundates all of us with images of models and celebrities, it is a miracle that there are any young girls that have any self esteem at all. I think that is a direct connection to teen pregnancy and promiscuity. I really do.

I got lucky playing russian roulette. Now in my early 30's and a mother to 3 little girls, I am mortified that they will "mess up" like I did when they grow up. What can I do that my wonderful parents did not? Honestly, I just do not know.

ame s 2-18-2009 @ 4:35PM

I graduated high school in 1986. Our sex ed consisted of watching a black and white film from the 60's of a woman giving birth while in Home Economics class. Our parents had to sign a permission slip for us to watch it.
My mom filled me in on The Facts when I was 9, after I started quizzing her after seeing neighborhood dogs mixing it up right there in public.
I started having my period when I was10 and I'm so glad she had talked to me before it happened. I remember a friend freaking out in 5th grade because she had no idea why she saw blood on her panties while using the restroom. I tried to explain to her, but she was convinced she was dying.
I didn't have sex until I was 17 and went to the local health department for birth control bills beforehand. My boyfriend (who became my husband) always used condoms also.
I've had "the talk" with my 11 year old, who also started having her period at 10 and have been slowly feeding info to my 9 year old.

Melissa 2-18-2009 @ 12:58PM

Bristol says it's "accepted" in her group of peers, and this is what it boils down to. Teens are having sex at younger ages, and it not only accepted, it's almost expected. Of course you are going to tell your child/ren that abstaining from sex is the only way to prevent STD's and pregnancy, but at the same time, educate them that if they are going to have sex, they should use condoms, birth control, etc. It's not a "mixed message", it's an informed conversation....it's what my mom told me, too. And I didn't have my first child until I was in my mid 20's. We can't keep kids in a bubble, bottom line, point blank.

Amanda 2-18-2009 @ 1:44PM

The comments in this article are actually much more articulate, less (politically) snarky, and more logical than the original article itself.

If any of you have a blog that deals with teen or tween issues, maybe you could pool your comments and create your own post? Your group of comments are some of the most insightful I've read on this issue in a long time (and refreshingly free from digs at Sarah Palin. I am not a fan, but I am so so so tired of the snarky comments. It's uncivilized, and hackneyed).

penny 2-18-2009 @ 2:45PM

I'll add my two cents to this forum. I have teens and I will do everything OPPOSITE that my mom did. My mother ignored the fact that premarital sex existed and refused to allow the dr to give me pills, even though it was to regulate my heavy painful period. When I was 20 and still living at home I went and got the pill myself (I was active) and my mother went through my room found them and threw them out. I went and got them again and had to keep them with me 24/7. When I did turn up pregnant out of wedlock she refused discussion, ignored the situation and told me to stay out of public places and to not talk to anyone she may know.

My children know about contraceptives, how to use them and when to use them. I have told my daughter that yes it unusual for someone to be 20, 21 and still a virgin and I would love for her to be an exception but I understand the pressures and hormones involved in this decision. I have told my son when he does decide it is time for sex (I hope I'm dead!) that I want him to "wrap it up" always, not matter what the girl says she's on. My daughter needs to know the guy must wrap his up no matter what she's on and what stv's she may end up with if he doesn't and what can happen if she misses a pill. I don't want my kids having sex, I fear the day that I find out they are sexual active (even if it is on their wedding day) but I don't want to be a grandma anytime soon and I certainly don't want to bury a child because I chose to hide my head in the sand about it.

LS 2-18-2009 @ 4:23PM

First off, do we know for sure that the Palin's ONLY taught their daughter about abstinence? Are we absolutely sure on that?

Having said that... let me tell you a little story about "education".

I know all about nutrition. I know the good stuff to eat, and the bad stuff. I know what's going to put weight on me, and what's going to help take it off. I know what foods will keep me healthy, and which will leave me run-down and tired.

I also hold a bachelor's degree, plus extra-collegiate course hours.

I have been a professional woman, and now consider myself a professional mom.

Quite a bit of education, wouldn't you agree?

Then why am I fat?

After all, I KNOW what causes it. Lack of exercise, too much fatty food. And yet, all that education, all that knowledge, doesn't keep me from reaching for the chocolate chip cookies instead of heading for the gym when I'm emotionally strung-out.

And I'm nearly 40.

So how do we expect our teenagers to look at something as emotionally charged (and far more enjoyable than a chocolate chip cookie) as sex, and think, "well, if I just provide them with enough education... if I just TELL them that they should use a condom..."

No. SKL is right. It's discipline. I'm fat because I'm undisciplined when it comes to eating right and working out. And I'm working on that. But you know? In this "gotta have it now" society, that weight isn't just melting off me like the commercials say that it should, and I'm discouraged. So if I, an educated college graduate, am discouraged by all the messages I get in the media, all the instant gratification going on around me, all the "just get it now" nonsense going on, how is a teenager who has never been taught how HARD it is to say no... going to say NO??? Especially when all their peers are saying, "ahh, come on. you're a dork if you don't do it."

I know this is a bit rambling, but it comes to this: We teach our children not just by throwing words at them, but through our actions as well. You can't walk around saying, "here's a condom, here's a pill, you're good", and then throw them out into an overly-sexualized world, and expect them to 'just say no'. You have to live it. Teach them to respect themselves, teach them that hard work and discipline will help them achieve what they want, and that abstinence isn't saying no to love, it's saying no to a casual encounter that could have massive ramifications.

And here's one more little tidbit to chew on...

I know a girl who is an 19-year-old college freshman. She came home from school before Christmas, all flush with the discovery of new love. (no, she was not pregnant) She told me stories of how they had sooo much fun together, and in fact, I had called her early one morning on her cell, and she was still in his bed. And so she came to me, right before Christmas, with her dilemma: should they exchange Christmas Gifts? Because, you know... they hadn't known each other for LONG ENOUGH to exchange Christmas Gifts... THAT'S a big deal.

The Christmas Gifts were a big deal, folks. The sex wasn't.

There's the problem, in a nutshell.

Michelle 2-19-2009 @ 9:14AM

Sometimes, they just do it because they are stupid! In my graduating class of 283 in 1993, we had 1 pregnant girl. She and her boyfriend had been dating all through highschool, and she was hugely pregnant on graduation day. I saw her on Facebook the other day, they are still married.

In my sister's group, 4 years later, it was some sick little game. Upper middle class girls getting pregnant "to have someone to love" them. My sister was the 5th in her group of friends to get pregnant between their sophomore and junior years. She got pregnant on PURPOSE. She had to give up her position as Head Majorette, which would have given her a scholarship to college, where she wanted to be a Vet. She dropped out and got her GED. It took them 12 years of living in a hell-hole, hand to mouth, with no insurance before they finally grew up and got their act together.

I can guarantee you, they will be taking a hard-line approach when it comes to sex-ed with their 12 yr old, 7 yr old, and new born. The 12 yr old is old enough to remember the hard times, I suggest they simply remind him of living like that, and tell him, that is what happens when you have sex without protection before you are ready to be responsible for the outcome! (And yes, they ended up beating the odds of teenage pregnancies and marriages.)

Sandyone 2-19-2009 @ 10:00AM

"Ah, the irony of a teen pregnancy in a family of such staunch proponents of abstinence-only sex education. "

Ok, I couldn't read past this without commenting. Is there no irony when there's a teen pregnancy in a family of staunch proponents of safe-sex sex education?

SKL 2-19-2009 @ 10:48AM

Exactly!

I'd love to ask my sister-in-law whether she's doing anything different with her 3rd daughter (now 15), after her two much-older daughters both got pregnant out of wedlock, despite her "heroic" efforts to make sure they were "educated." I just don't have the heart. She certainly thought she was doing the right thing at the time, surely was hurt by the result. Yet, before the pregnancies, I recall her being awfully proud of herself and down on parents who put more emphasis on "not" doing it than "how to" do it.

People like the author here - it's really sad - they let their political biases make them ignorant. They really think Sarah Palin deserves to be taunted for having a pregnant teen daughter, just because she's a political conservative. The writer on the other hand deserves compassion because she's a political liberal. She of all people should know how mean it is to try to bring someone down because of her daughter's teen pregnancy. Regardless of whether you're stressing abstinence or contraception, all you want is what's best for your kid. Reasonable minds can differ. There's no approach that's legal in the US that is a fool-proof way to prevent teen pregnancy. As long as teens have choices, they will make mistakes. It's just wrong to capitalize on the pain this causes to random parents in every walk of life.

Sandyone 2-19-2009 @ 2:30PM

"She admits that among her teen peers, sex is "more and more accepted." It's always been that way, Bristol."

Teen sex has not always been 'more and more accepted'. It used to be a shameful thing, something only dirty boys and naughty girls did. These days, teen sex is more and more accepted (and expected) by the very parents who hope against hope that their kids won't engage.

If teen sex has always been accepted, we'd have had a lot more super-young marriages or single mothers for a lot longer than when our current spiral began.

Chastity is the missing key. Everyone is called to chastity, even married couples. Chastity doesn't mean 'no sex'. It means 'sex in it's proper place'. When Mom and Dad don't fully understand sex and how to treat it, the kids have a really hard time learning that, too.

Angie 3-10-2009 @ 9:09PM

Abstinace isn't something that's easily done, it's a choice that every teenager has to make. I'm 18, and I waited until I was ready, but at the same time, my mom was very open about sex with me. Not to mention all the acquired knowledge that I gathered. It's really not that easy to stay abstinent when your hormones are raging. True, Sarah Palin should have taught her daughter about Birth Control and Condoms, but those things you can gather from anywhere. Honestly, the first time i had sex was when I was 17, because I learned from my mom. I didn't want to be a teen mother, nor, did I want to have the same life as my parents, granted it is a very good life but I want something different. I want to graduate, and I want to experience college.

So in other words Kids, need to learn from certain experiences. You need to tell them what will happen if they are going to have sex. You need to let them know you won't crusify them if they are ready to have sex. Let them know that they can be honest, and express how they feel, so you as a parent knows what's going on, and can help you child understand. It will create a stronger bond in the future trust me.

Angie. (:

Rozz 3-27-2009 @ 9:55AM

I'm a 23 year old woman, who is getting married in two months, and I have yet to lose my virginity.

It's not "unrealistic" as Bristol so seems to think it is - her excuse is a flimsy one at best, used to disguise the fact that she either had no self control, or like other people have said, may not have known about contraceptives.

Is it hard to remain abstinent this long? Absolutely! Especially when you're in a committed relationship that you know will lead to marriage - and yet it happens ALL THE TIME! I'd like to send her the names of each and every one of my friends and family who somehow (despite it being "unrealistic) managed to keep their virginity until their wedding night.

Did we mess up? Sure. Did we go farther with our sexual relationship than we planned? Yes. But when it came down to wire, we knew absolutely that we did not want to lose something we have basically WORKED on holding on to our whole lives.

It's incredibly dissapointing and frustrating to hear a high-profiled individual say something like that, when there are thousands (millions, no doubt) of us keeping it together.

As a side note, my fiancee is 27 - he's been holding out even longer.

As far as contraceptives go - no doubt I will tell my child about them at an appropriate age. I will NOT leave the school system to care for their well-being. It makes me sick to think in grade 9, we were taught everything about how to protect ourselve, and NOTHING about remaining abstinent.

It makes me even MORE sick that I went to a sexual health clinic a few months ago to get more information about the different types of BC pills out there since I had never been on any - and was REFUSED any sort of help because (quote) I was "too old". Their focus is on (again quote!) "9 - 11 year olds" who are becoming sexually active. I nearly vomitted when she said that.

My children will not grow up naive about sexual matters - but they WILL grow up learning first and foremost about abstinence and sexual purity as we (my future husband and I) believe has been placed on us by God.

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