Breastfeeding - How Long is Too Long?

by Victoria Scanlan Stefanakos (Subscribe to Victoria Scanlan Stefanakos's posts)
Feb 19th 2009 2:00PM

Breastfeeding is all over the news. There's Salma Hayek nursing the starving baby of another woman on a UNICEF fact-finding trip to Sierra Leone. Here's new mom Naomi Watts crediting her trim post-baby figure to breastfeeding: "He's sucking it all out of me." Don't overlook the Facebook dust-up, where members are posting nurse-ins in response to site's decision to ban breastfeeding photos.

Perhaps the most jarring of all reports, though, are the so-called extreme breastfeeders.

Celebrities Who Breastfed

"I'm like an alcoholic. It's like, I don't care if I cry, I don't care if I'm fat, I'm just gonna do it for one more week, one more month, and then, when I see how much good it is doing her, I can't stop. It's a very powerful thing you know."
Salma Hayek on breastfeeding

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"I don't feel stunning yet. But I'm breast feeding. And he's sucking it all out of me, it seems. And when the baby comes out, it's a lot of weight right there."
Naomi Watts

Arnaldo Magnani, Getty Images

Jada Pinkett Smith

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Cindy Crawfod

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Julianne Moore

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Demi Moore

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Celine Dion

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Hillary Clinton

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Madonna

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Catherine Zeta Jones

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Knowing the cost, health and bonding benefits, most new moms plan to nurse for a few months, even a year. What about when that year turns to four or five, or more? It happens more than you'd think.

Mary Pennington of Durham, ME, remembered thinking that her older sister, who nursed one of her children until the age of three, was a little odd. "I didn't get it," she told ParentDish. "If you'd told me that I'd be nursing a four-and-a-half year old, I'd say 'You're crazy.' But I don't think you're prepared for the changes in what you might feel once you have a baby."

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding through the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child. "There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer."

But just 36 percent of babies in the U.S. are breastfed through six months, according to a 2008 report from Brigham Young University. For those who do practice extended nursing, the average is closer to three years. But even the most committed strain under the judging glares of family and strangers.

"Their reaction is uggh," said Robyn Paul, a lactation consultant and mom of three who was interviewed for a 20/20 story, "Breast-feeding Past Infancy." "But it's perfectly normal." When Tiernan, 6, needs comforting, he asks for "nummies." "We've had conversations about what it tastes like and he says it's very sweet," Paul said.

"Very few new moms go into pregnancy or childbirth thinking they want to breastfeed a 5-year-old," said Carrie Lauch (pictured), host of Natural Moms Talk Radio and mother of four. She just weaned her 6-year-old daughter six months ago. "But the weeks and months move on, and the benefits for the child and the mother never go away."

Many people, not surprising, believe that's both harmful and shameful. "If a mother is breastfeeding a child of 5 or 6 years old she should be arrested and prosecuted for abuse/sexual molestation/pedophilia/mental illness etc," Mike posted on FaceBook after viewing the program. "Sick. wrong."

"Everyone has their upper limits that they might think was okay, and what's unacceptable," said Pennington, who nursed her daughter Maysa until after her fifth birthday. "And each comes to that on her own. When you're outside of that situation, it might seem inconceivable. But they're still always your baby. And you're just continuing a relationship that has worked since day one. It seems very natural."

The natural length of breastfeeding for humans, according to Katherine A. Dettwyler, Ph.D., an anthropologist and leading expert on breastfeeding, lies between two-and-a-half and seven years. By that math, YouTube phenom Veronika Robinson is an outlier. Nearly 14 million of us have watched her nurse her daughter Eliza, 8.

Heated debate surrounds Pennington, Paul, Robinson and other mothers who continue to nurse outside the norm. Most rarely, if ever, do it in public and consider it a private mother-child experience. "I really feel that there is an extra bonding or attachment there that I would like to think that because he nursed until he was 6, that there was some more closeness there ... that you get when you're able to have him in your arms for a longer period of time," said Paul to 20/20. "My daughter's the same way. Very much so."

Victoria Scanlan Stefanakos is the editor of Project Homestead

ReaderComments (Page 3 of 42)

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2-20-2009 @ 3:18PM

liz said...

I DON'T THINK IT'S RIGHT TO NURSE THAT LONG. WONDER IF HER SCHOOL MATES KNOW ABOUT THIS. DON'T SAY I'M VULGAR, BUT I THINK THE MOTHER IS GETTING SOME KIND OF PLEASURE FROM THIS..

2-20-2009 @ 5:34PM

Sandyone said...

Liz,

You're not vulgar, just uninformed.

Mom is getting pleasure, but it's not sexual. It's the pleasure that comes from knowing that you are doing what's best for your child. The pleasure that comes from knowing that you're pretty much the only one who can be such a powerful force in your child's life.

It's easy to understand why so many people simply don't understand this. I've actually nursed quite a few of my kids for extended periods and it still seemed strange to me to see my friend nursing her 4 year old. It's just not something that we commonly see here in our culture.

2-28-2009 @ 8:58PM

Elizabeth said...

I agree with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2-28-2009 @ 10:48PM

faye said...

Actually , women are given a "dose" of feel good hormones when they nurse ...God engineered things that way ...mothers need to relax so milk can let down . It is a wonderful and healthy thing and I fed 3 of my four children for 6weeks to 18 months . I do not think that mothers should have their children at the breast at 5,6 or 8 ..they should express it into a cup . That is my opinion .
I would personally think eewww if I remembered nursing from my mother at those ages .

2-28-2009 @ 11:43PM

Karen said...

"It's the pleasure that comes from knowing that you are doing what's best for your child." Sandyone- If that's how you feel you are doing what's best for your child, then I feel bad for you. My mother did what was best for me by playing with me and talking to me. She gave me lots of hugs and taught me how to read. Letting a child drink from your breast at an age that he/she can remember is NOT doing what's best for your child. That's plain creepy. I wouldn't feel comfortable if that had been the case in my situation.

2-28-2009 @ 8:44PM

zoejosh said...

Not for me to say when to stop, that's personal. However, when my daughter was 5, she and I were invited to a classmates home for a mom/child playdate. This other child was a year older and male. He was still breasted feeding and that's fine. What I did not appreciate was the sexual nature of the feeding. Mom removed her shirt and sat topless with the boy latched onto one nipple while he played with the other. I was seated across from them and felt like I was watching a movie. As soon as possible, I gathered up my daughter and said goodbye. Didn't return. Very uncomfortable.

3-01-2009 @ 11:03PM

Katherine said...

I guess if the kid is 10 or 12, maybe the Mom needs to reconsider. But hey, the Octomom with the 14 kids, should just hire women to feed her brood.

2-28-2009 @ 8:59PM

S said...

I breastfed my son for almost three years. I quit because It just got to be too much for me, the criticism from family and friends, wanting my body back, watching what medications I took. I needed to be on anti-depressants desperately but REFUSED to take them while my son was nursing. His teeth were suffering too...

He's hitting his fifth birthday in a few months. He has occasionally asked me if he can nurse, but I told him there is no more milk. He always looks so sad.

When I asked him what it was like he just looks wistful and says, "It tasted like flowers." I wish I'd let him nurse a little longer. I wish I hadn't given into social pressures.

For those out there who don't understand, there was never anything sexual about it, its simply feeding and comforting. I never ever thought I would be an extended nurser...you know one of "those" women, but then it happened. I don't regret it. I do regret stopping.

I do fear my son would want to nurse well past school age, and I don't think I could have managed that. Even now at him being five I can't imagine it, but it would have been fine if I'd not weaned him. Does that make sense.

As a mother we do what feels right for the benefit of our children. Some children need more time on the breast than others. The process that leads to the decision cannot be understood unless you are in the situation. It's just impossible to explain.

My son is very bright and very socially adjusted. He's extremely secure. I don't regret the extended nursing and I can't judge anyone who does it.

I'll always look back on giving my son, "mees" with fondness. It was a good time for him and I.

3-03-2009 @ 6:24AM

Galina said...

I have four kids. I breastfed all. Let me tell you, there is a Universe of difference between a man touching your breast and a child getting their milk. Ewww to compare the two.

This is America, at least for now. She can do what she wants, and I support that.

That said, it's my personal opinion that part of being a good mom is weighing the benefits of something to the child. I am darn certain putting your breastfeeding at that age on youtube is more detrimental than positive.

This is America, it's a great place where we can air our opinions. Sadly, a judge determined that it was none of my business if my spouse SLEPT with our six year old daughter. The man my child repeatedly stated put his fingers in her privates (no proof), the man with a history of arrest for driving to a school and exposing his privates to children. Repeatedly. His conviction for this apparently occurred pre-registered offender laws and he pled it down to a misdemeanor.

These are the type of people you guys should be worried about. Not moms who feed their kids from the containers nature intended them to use. Although, again, I submit that someone who is doing this on Youtube, understanding the social implications has issues and would benefit from some therapy.

2-28-2009 @ 9:02PM

Lorna said...

I nursed both of my children until they were six months of age. And that was only because my husband wanted me to. They are now 21 and 19. I couldn't wait to stop nursing. Maybe I'm different from the others. My kids and I are still very close. Go figure.

2-28-2009 @ 9:04PM

Lori said...

The breastfeeding issue is really no one's business but mom and baby's. While I would never dream of nursing past 2 years, I would have been thrilled to nurse my son for that first year. I had to put him on formula when he was 2 weeks old, because I simply did not make enough milk. I continued to nurse him with the little milk I did have til he was 4 months old and I found out I was pregnant again. My heart was broken over the lack of lactation. I did everything imaginable to increase my milk production. I was on the phone daily with a lactation consultant, I spent a fortune on herbs, which had made adoptive mothers lactate, but they did nothing for me at all. I spent the first 3 weeks of my baby's life crying over this issue. Now he's 9 months old and people still ask if I nurse him. When I say no, they look at me like I'm a horrible mother. I don't think I should have to explain to them, but the question still hurts. I pray that when my new baby gets here I'll have better luck with nursing him, but if I don't, I know that I will still have a healthy baby, with similac. However.... If I do make milk, I can't fathom nursing past about the age of 2

2-28-2009 @ 9:31PM

Tom said...

My mom used to tell us a joke that was hilarious. We'd be rolling on the floor. Now it doesn't seem so hilarious. My mom was born in Italy. There was this woman who nursed her 14 year old son. He'd be out working in the fields. He came home for lunch. His mom would see him coming from a distance. With outstreched arms she would shout out "GUISEPPI MIO!" or My dearest Joseph! Come to mother.

Now it doesn't seem so far fetched. That's crazy.

Tom

2-28-2009 @ 9:10PM

glennajus said...

let them do what they want with their kids but nobdy wants to watch it . and look at the kids with the big stuck out lips and damaged teeth. sick people after a year.

2-28-2009 @ 10:53PM

Becca said...

Teeth malformations aren't caused from nursing. Actually bottle fed babies,babies who use pacifiers and thumb suckers have more tooth acclusions.Becca,CBE(certified breastfeeding educator)

3-01-2009 @ 1:04AM

Brittany said...

Becca, breastfeeding can cause teeth malformations. Just like bottlefeeding and thumb suckers. Sucking on anything like that can cause teeth problems. Breastfeeding may not be as damaging, but over a long period of time, say 5 or 6 years, while the teeth are coming through and forming, it will eventually cause problems.

3-02-2009 @ 9:20AM

Shasta said...

I agree. What they do in the privacy of their home is nobody's business. But please don't breast feed in restaurants and other public places. It makes me want to vomit. If restaurants allow it, I will not patronize them. Nobody wants to see it I don't care what you people think.

NancyBCrow said...

I was 37 when my second child was born. I could not nurse him as I had a very bad experience with my first child. Someone on here apparently attributed his son's ability to write letters at the age of 3 to the fact he was nursing beyond the age of one. My son was learning and saying the letters of the alphabet at the age of 10 months. He identified them visually. He taught himself to read beginning at the age of 2. I won't even go into how accomplished he was in math. He never paid a dime for college because he earned scholarships. No, he was not a nerd. He was, and still is, a very well rounded and intelligent individual. Oh, did I say he was not nursed. Yes, I spent my time nurturing him 24/7.

2-28-2009 @ 9:38PM

jane said...

There is nothing wrong with it, if it were not supposed to happen then our bodies would stop producing the milk. What do you think breasts are for anyway?

You keep producing milk because you tell your body to. Your brain knows you still want to and that your baby wants to and thinks your baby needs it and because you keep doing it. If you stopped breastfeeding, you would stop producing milk. As simple as that. Men have been able to produce milk out of will power. They aren't supposed to, but they sure as hell can.

2-28-2009 @ 9:24PM

linda said...

On that video where mom is breastfeeding the 6 or 7 year old freaked me out. That kid is too old to be sucking the boob. Yuk! If her friends knew about it at school they would tease the heck out of her. She took up almost the whole sofa while on her moma's titty. I just think it's gross at that age. The mom said it was a private thing yet it's on video for all to see. Maybe even the child's classmates.

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