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Parenting Like the Obamas - Do Your Kids Do Chores?
Filed under: Celeb Parents
We all know that Barack and Michelle Obama don't spoil their girls -- Sasha and Malia only get $1 a week in allowance, for example, which is a lot less than the average weekly allowance for kids their ages ($4.10 and $7.18, respectively). The payout is small, but the Obama girls are responsible for a lot.The President and First Lady are serious about chores. "In the Obama White House, bedtime is still at 8 p.m.," writes the New York Times. "The girls still set their own alarm clocks and get themselves up for school in the morning. They make their own beds and clean their own rooms. And when the much-anticipated pet arrives, they will walk the dog and scoop its poop."
That's a tall order for two small girls, but really, it's not unreasonable. At seven and ten, Sasha and Malia are plenty old enough to do basic chores, even if they do have a full staff at home to keep things running. But what about the rest of us? Are chores a regular part of most American households? The answer seems to be yes, sort of.
Chores get lots of lip service -- after all, who is going to say that kids don't need to help out around the house? -- but the fact is few parents hold the hard line when it comes to making kids responsible for specific jobs. There are lots of reasons for this. Families are busy, for one, and jamming chore time into overloaded schedules feels like one more thing to do every day. But that's just the tip of the iceberg.
For many parents, it's not the chores themselves but the idea that we have to have a system for the chores that overwhelms us. Elizabeth Thielke, a nurse and mom of three from Nashville, admits that she wings the chore thing with her kids. "Sometimes I wonder if we should expect more of them, but really we don't need more potential sources of conflict around here, and they are reasonably helpful when asked, so we are on more of an 'as needed' approach to chores."
Her kids do have some consistent responsibilities, though. "For example, while we expect reasonable neatness in their rooms on a daily basis (floor somewhat visible, no mold growth), they are expected to step things up a notch if guests are coming over." Her middle son, who is a pet lover, has taken it on himself to feed the dogs, without being asked or reminded.
Elizabeth's approach to chores is unstructured but it works for her family.
In theory, tying allowance to chores makes things simpler -- there's no cash until the chores are finished, period. President Obama recently confessed that during the campaign, he often forgot to give his girls their $1 a week allowance. Other parents have the same experience. Caroline Humphreys started out with an elaborate chart for her son, now eight, where they tracked everything from picking up toys to brushing his teeth. "For this he got $5 a week, but we made him save $1, donate $1 and keep the rest for cheap plastic toys in museum gift shops. I was not nearly mom of the year enough to keep up with this system."
These days, Humphreys has separated chores and money; her son gets a weekly allowance, independent of any specific chores, but he is also responsible for helping out around the house every day for fifteen minutes or so, after his homework is done. "It's a good system for us," Humphreys says, "because it's flexible -- I can let him off the hook if he's sick or unusually tired, I can pick whatever needs done that day, and I can take the opportunity to show him how to do the things he hasn't done before. And there are no charts to keep up with!"
The biggest stumbling block for parents, though, isn't the chore chart, but the whining that often accompanies chores. New York City mom Katie Workman asks her sons, who are six and nine, to do simple things like set the table. But, she admits, "in a recent mean mommy move, I said that they couldn't get their allowance unless they did their pathetic tiny chores cheerfully and without complaint. It turns they are so unable to set the table without whining that they have actually forfeited their allowances for the past seven or eight weeks. Apparently it's worth [losing] $5 to be able to complain their way through setting down four napkins and a bunch of silverware."
Workman is doing an important thing here, though. While her sons are not getting their allowance, they are still doing the chores. And that's the secret that the Obamas know: The most important part of having kids do chores is not filling in the chart or checking off the list, but teaching them responsibility. For Elizabeth, the bottom line is this: "If there are special projects around the house, we will ask for some help simply because that's what they should do as a member of the family."
Do your kids do chores? Do you have a specific structure for them, or are you flying by the seat of your pants?
| We use a chart to track chores. | |
|---|---|
| My kids have a list, and when the chores are done, I pay out allowance. | |
| My kids do whatever is needed, whenever I ask. | |
| Oh, please! I do everything around here. |
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
2-25-2009 @ 5:47PM
John said...If this news is true it is great to hear. Glad mom and dad are not letting the kids feel they are just privileged people and not take on responsibilities.
This will help them build solid characters for their future endeavors.
My have done chores for several years and yes we keep money and chores separate. Being part of the family means take in part in the responsibilities and helps them establish qualities of character that will help them develop character in their children.
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2-25-2009 @ 6:59PM
Jo said...Um, I'm sorry, although it's great that these girls have responsibilities, you really consider cleaning their rooms and scooping dog poop "a lot" of chores? You even italicized it...give me a break. The way I was raised, and the way I raise my child, being responsible for your room and pet is the very least a child should do as their part of their household...let's not exagerate what seems like good, common sense parenting.
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2-25-2009 @ 8:19PM
Uly said...Agreed. That's very few chores for their ages, actually.
2-25-2009 @ 9:14PM
ame s said...I think Michelle should also make her own bed in the mornings.
My daughters are responsible to doing tasks around the house but I only use a"List" during the summer. They team up to empty the dishwasher, actually enjoy dusting, windexing mirrors and glass tables,and tossing a load of laundry into the washer. It's funny when my 9 year old asks if she can dust or do a load of laundry. I
During the school year, school work is my children's primary and most important "job". Both like to maintain an A average. My 11 year old is in private school this year,and her workload has tripled. She wasn't exposed to foreign languages in public school, but now studies a different language every quarter. I'd rather handle most of the housework than have her use what little free time she has being a kid.
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2-26-2009 @ 8:17AM
ninainindia said...I don't think making your children do chores is neccesarily a sign of good parenting. I know plenty of families where the children don't have to do chores but are still well behaved children and grow up to be fine adults.
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2-26-2009 @ 8:24AM
Karen said...I agree with the poster that said they aren't really doing chores, but just cleaning up after themselves. I think that should be expected of everyone.
Chores are the extra household and yard work. My children clean up after themselves, make their beds, put away their laundry, clear their dishes, etc. I don't consider those chores.
They also have a priority focus on schoolwork and since they swim 4-5 nights a week, have scouting, and youth, their schedules are pretty busy. I prefer to do as much housework during the week as possible so that our weekends are time for family fun.
But, my son feeds his cat and does the litter box, takes out the trash daily, vacuumes when asked, sets the table when asked, helps his father with the yard work (at 9 and has since he was 6). My daughter empties and loads the dishes daily, cleans the bathrooms, and does some of the cooking (at 12).
But a lot of their friends do not do anything. I always ask when I substitute because I find it interesting. A lot of kids say their parents will not let them clean or do work because of a fear that they will get hurt. I have a fear that they will fail miserably in life if they DON'T do chores!
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2-26-2009 @ 11:00AM
Pavlina said...Right. If I have to do chores, then so will everyone else who lives in the house. Their is no free lunch here!
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2-26-2009 @ 11:04AM
Kellie said...I think there is a difference between chores and what is expected. Growing up I was expected to keep my room clean, bed made, pick my things up around the house and not leave them out. I was expected to help out with dinner and set and clear the table. Then help with dishes. That was just normal requirements. Helping with the folding of the laundry was usually required a few times a week.
We had chore day on Saturday. My mom wrote a list out every Saturday morning and we each (my two brothers and I) had three chores. Mine were always:
1. Clean bathrooms (we had 2)
2. Dust house (all rooms)
3. vacuum bedrooms.
My husband, on the other hand, never had to do a chore in his life. His mother cleaned his room until the day he moved out. He has told me he would sometimes help his dad outside with yard work if he saw him out there, but he was never asked to help. His parents wanted him to be a child for as long as he could and enjoy his childhood as long as he could.
Yeah, thanks a lot. As his wife, I cannot tell you how frustrated that makes me. Because he never had to do chores he never understood how much work I do everyday. He doesn't understand why I get upset that he leaves EVERYTHING out. He just expects that it's magically going to find it's way back away.
It has taken 7 years, but he finally got it. He now actively cleans up after himself and does the daily chores around the house just like I do. I think parents do a disservice to their children when they don't require them to do some sort of chores.
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2-26-2009 @ 12:00PM
Shannon said...There should always be a system for allotting chores to kids and tying allowances to chores is a very good idea. After all, I think none of us here would want to do work in the office just for a pat on the back from the boss right? Not really particular if the kids are smiling when they do the chores, chores and work is not supposed to be fun. What parents can do is turn it the other way around and make chores more fun. My sisters, my mom and I used to put some music on when we'd do our spring cleaning. We'd dance and sing to it while sweeping the house or packing stuff or whatever it is that we did. We'd also have our "talks about life" while washing the dishes or cooking. These are some of the activities that I really miss...
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2-26-2009 @ 4:13PM
Michelle said...Are you kidding me? Those girls have it easy! My six year old is responsible for keeping her room and closet clean, straightening up her bathroom, clearing the table and other chores as I assign her, such as unloading the dishwasher or sweeping the floor. There is no allowance, we haven't decided if there will be one in the future for chores that don't fall under the realm of personal responsibility. Those are the responsibilities of being part of a family.
When I was 6, I hand-washed the dishes every night, swept the floor and washed my own laundry, in addition to being responsible for my own room and mess. My parents waited until I was 10 to hand over the ironing and other laundry to me, and when I was 12, all other domestic duties and childcare duties for my sister became mine as well. I didn't receive an allowance. It was part of being in my family. My Mom worked evenings and my Dad travelled extensively for his job. I didn't expect to get paid or special treatment for doing what was expected as part and parcel of being a member of a family, and by extension, society.
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