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More Mothers Are Returning to Work
Filed under: Opinions
With families finding it harder than ever to make end's meet, many SAHMs are returning to work sooner than they would like. The kids are alright, but moms are struggling.I always knew that being a full-time mommy was a temp job. From day one, newborn cradled in my arms, I told myself, "It's only for a year. Don't get too comfortable." One daughter turned into two, one year turned into six.
Now it's time to go back to work.
To be honest, I've been working from home for over two years. But it's always been part-time. I eat breakfast and dinner with my girls every day, and never miss a special event. I'm the one who does drop-off and pick-up, who knows that one likes turkey with no cheese, while the other likes cheese with no turkey.
Being a mom -- being their mom -- is how I've defined myself for six years.
But hard times call for tough choices. Just 15 months short of my goal of getting my youngest to kindergarten, I've had to trade my mom uniform -- t-shirt and yoga pants -- for khakis and cardigans. I'm back in the classroom as a substitute teacher.
I'm not alone. Mothers are feeling pressure to return to work or increase their hours, 79 percent according to one study. Maybe their partners were laid off or they can't make the mortgage payments and grocery bills on one salary. Or, like me, maybe they're looking for a more stable income.
On the one hand, I'm grateful that subbing is a good solution for now -- it's flexible, I can choose my hours, it's familiar. On the other, I spent last week scouting daycare options for my three-year-old who has always been home with me. And it makes me heartsick.
It's not daycare itself that's troubling me; my social butterfly will be just fine. It's the letting go that's got a chokehold on my heart. When we step off the cul-de-sac of these years at home onto the expressway of full-time work, school, daycare...will life go too fast? Will I regret it?
The question that nags me the most is how will it change me as a mother? Amanda of Mandajuice recently wrote this about this waking up from the long nap of early motherhood.
"It's a strange feeling to finally want something for myself again...wiping the crust from my eyes and remembering that Amanda still exists as someone other than just a MOM. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with JUST being a mom, in fact I think I assumed that motherhood alone would fulfill me completely and sustain me forever...But the fact that I crave time AWAY from my children, time to pursue my own interests, probably means that's exactly what I need. It's probably also exactly what's best for my kids."
I hope that we're making a step in the right direction, that a little time to miss each other during the day is exactly what we all need. At the same time, as I watch the childcare director take my daughter's hand and lead her off, I know that this isn't what I had in mind. It doesn't feel fair, but at the same time I feel so selfish. I got six years at home with them, while many moms who want to stay home don't get much more than a month.
While my heart makes sense of all of these feelings -- excitement, hope, fear and regret -- we'll do what has to be done. Just like millions of families all over this country.
Has the current economic crisis forced you to go back to work? Is it something you welcomed, or did you struggle with the decision? Tell us about it and you could be included in an upcoming story.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
3-02-2009 @ 6:26PM
Kim said...I just returned to work this morning after 5 years at home. It is something I have really mixed feelings about. I am excited about having more money to save for college, retirement, and vacation but am a little sad saying goodbye to my 4 year old in the morning and giving up the role of being there all the time for my kids and my husband.
I haven't had time to be excited about resuming a career because I have been working on daycare and after school care for my 9 year old. I was finally excited on the way to the office this morning!
It has really been a blessing being full-time at home for 5 years and I wouldn't change it for anything. I think we will all handle this adjustment well, it will just take time.
Reply
3-03-2009 @ 4:22PM
ML said...We knew the economy was diving, so I went back to work to weather the storm. I never would have thought I'd still be working. I thought I'd work maybe a year. Now that I've been back to work for a year and a half, I can't get back home fast enough. I miss focusing on what's going on at home and working in my kids' classrooms the most amongst a lot of things. I have a great job, a wonderful husband and 3 amazing kids--including a newborn, so really I should not be complaining, but I feel like I can't keep up with everything that NEEDS to get done (paying bills, cleaning, laundry). Everyone keeps telling me it'll get better and it has, but I still ache to be just a mom.
I was one of those moms who thought I would never want to stay home. But then I did. For two and a half years I was with my kids day in and day out. Everyday was an adventure. I'll be honest there were some tough days, but I would not trade the time with them for anything. I keep telling myself that part of being a good mom is doing what you have to do to provide for your family. I hope that I'm right...
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3-04-2009 @ 3:58PM
Abby said...After two years of taking the odd freelance job when I wasn't playing peek-a-boo or singing lullabies, I'm heading back to work. Or I *hope* I'm heading back to work. Job searching circa 2009 is downright painful.
But honestly, even if the economy weren't bruised and battered, I'd still probably be doing this. I've had six months at home with our second and two years with our firstborn. To support us, my husband has been working hours that resemble indentured servitude. If I earn a paycheck, he can cut back. That means our kids will have less of me, but more of him - and that's a good thing.
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3-04-2009 @ 9:15PM
Lisa said...I was able to take two years off from being a teacher after having my son in 2006. The good thing about teaching is jumping right in at the beginning of a school year, but it was a hard choice made months ahead of time when I was not managing to get pregnant again. I had no idea, once I started working at the beginning of September that the economy would get as bad as it had, but I do sometimes feel guilty that we are doing better than we had been over the last two years, and I know that people are now living like we did for the last two years - and the world is screeching to a halt because of it. I am not sure where to go from here, although I would love to be home again. We are putting our house on the market and we'll see what happens...
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3-04-2009 @ 10:11PM
Anita said...I am back to work this year for two reasons, the foremost being my son entering first grade. The economy also scares me and makes me want to earn as save as much money as possible in case of emergency.
It was incredibly hard to return to work but I chose a job as a school nurse and work around my kids' school hours so no daycare is needed. Mostly I miss being able to help out at their school and go on field trips with them whenever I want to.
But I am forever grateful that I was able to stay home with both my children during their younger years and I'm getting used to working again so I don't regret going back.
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3-17-2009 @ 8:53AM
Wanda said...I found a way to help bring money into my household by working from home. I found this amazing work at home opportunity and have been loving it for sometime now. I know we have to have a 2nd income coming in, so I did some research and found a network marketing company that really pays.
Thanks to working with this company for the past couple of years, today I am generating an income from home.
I know that we are all looking for a way to make money with today's economy, so if you have questions go to www.YourAPCareer.com to learn more about what I do.
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4-15-2009 @ 3:07PM
Angie said...Why go back to work when you can stay home, prioritize your family, be in control of your time and your income? You can do all that without having to sell anything, stock inventory, do parties or provide a huge start up fee for your own home business. For more information visit http://www.MomsWhoSucceed.com. You won't be disappointed!
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5-24-2010 @ 9:54AM
The New Me said...I was a stay at home mother for 16 years. Make no mistake about it, it was extremely difficult for me to find a full-time, livable wage position after my divorce. It did not matter that i had a Bachelor's degree, up to date skills (which i continously "refreshed"), and a wealth of experience prior to becoming a "homemaker". Upon my return to the workforce i faced blatant age discrimination, sarcastic comments from interviewers about making the "wrong choice" of staying home, having grey hair and questioning if I get "tired" often.
Then there were the seemingly angry female interviewers who were not ever able to be SAHMs and took it out on you during the interview with colorful remarks.
I had only a handful of job offers that amounted to little more than $9.00/hr. After almost 2 years of searching, surviving on loans from family members, credit cards and scant temporary jobs, i landed a permanent full time 45k a year job with full benefits.
But that didn't happen until--
I lost 20lbs, got a face lift, changed the color of my eyes from Brown to Green, dyed my hair Blonde, went from curly to straight hair, got a push up padded bra and shortened/tightened my shirt/skirt.
Once my transformation was "complete" the job offers started pouring in. Especially since most of my interviewers were Men.
My resume wasn't any different, my interviewing "style" didn't change either,neither did the suits i wore (except for tightening/shortening skirt). About the only thing that changed was my physical appearance and boom- here came the jobs. Pathetic but true.
Most mothers i knew at the time that were re-entering the workforce faced many of the same obstacles i did. The exceptions-- ladies that were under 35 years of age and/or were stay at home parents for less than 6 years, or looked as if they should be on the cover of a magazine.
The length of time you are out of the workforce, the age upon return and your physical appearance has a significant impact.
If you are a woman re-entering the workforce in your 40s you are facing a long and challenging uphill battle. Unless of course you look like a Barbie doll or at least die trying.
Men will not hire women that look "average" for good paying jobs no matter how great her resume, experience or skills are. Period!
If you know you'll have a female interviewers though, scale it down a bit on the "looks" department.
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10-08-2010 @ 6:17PM
Stephanie said...I had only planned on staying at home until both of my kids were at school. Now that both of them are, no one wants to hire me. I would love to work and I had one manager tell me that "the good news is that" I have "the most important job in the world". Like that's going to pay the bills.
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