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Dad's Favorite Name Doesn't Thrill Mom
Filed under: Baby Names
My husband and I are expecting our 3rd child, and he wants to use his great-grandmother's name, Cora. When he first suggested it, I liked it, but now I'm having doubts. We've discussed other names, but I don't feel strongly about any of them, and he really wants to use this name. Should we use a name I don't love, in hopes that I will get used to it? Or keep trying to find something else?
- So-so on Cora
It's terrific when two parents fall for one perfect name. Give yourselves a high five, and you're done! Usually, though, it's not that simple. Most of us inch our way toward a name choice, compromising along the way.
That's OK. Name-love at first sight isn't the only path to a good name (any more than regular love at first sight is the only path to a happy marriage). Babies grow into their names, and the common refrain a year after a naming compromise is "and now I can't imagine calling her anything else." So chances are you'll learn to love the name Cora over time...if the choice is made in the right spirit, by both parents.
From the tone of your letter, I get the impression that your husband is sympathetic toward your mixed feelings. That's a good sign. Trouble crops up when one parent forces a name choice on the other. You'll see people press, lay guilt trips, or most common of all, stonewall: Refuse to consider any other option until their partners give up in exhaustion. That is a dangerous beginning to parenthood. You'll both be saying your baby's name over and over, day after day, year after year. If every repetition comes with a tiny prickle of resentment, you've laid a foundation for bigger problems.
In your case, though, it sounds like your partner's being peachy and you'd really like to love his great-grandma's name. If that's true, think of it this way. By choosing Cora, you're honoring a guy who's caring and respectful enough to want to honor the women who helped make him who he is. That's a pretty nice start in life for your little girl.
Have you and your partner butted heads on names? Any creative compromises? Share your stories!
And as always, if you have a question for the Name Lady, drop her a line!
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
3-09-2009 @ 10:30AM
LS said...Work to find a first name that you both love, and keep Cora, but use it as a middle name. This serves "double duty". First, it continues to honor the woman for whom the child is named and continues to respect Dad's wishes, and second, it allows the child to have a unique name all to herself - she won't be expected (as some parents do) to BE "Cora".
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3-09-2009 @ 12:25PM
Kirstie said...Could be worse - my cousin's name is Ashley. Neither my aunt or my uncle really liked the name Ashley, but it was the only thing that they both were at least 'eh, okay' about. Every other name, one or the other had a serious objection to it.
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3-09-2009 @ 12:47PM
darah7 said...I wasn't totally sold on our daughter's name. Thankfully I had a couple years to get used to it after my husband first suggested it. Once I got pregnant - ok well, once I was like 8 months pregnant it seemed perfect. And now that Guthrie is 2 the name fits her so well I can't even begin to think what other name would have even come close.
I get to pick the next one though :)
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3-09-2009 @ 2:24PM
Karen said...Cora! That's a great idea. My mother was pitching her grandmother's name, Claire, but "Heroes" ruined it for a while (especially since our first child is named Molly). I had to sell my husband on Molly's middle name, Mae, which is my grandmother's middle name, but he came around to it.
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3-09-2009 @ 5:31PM
allison said...well if she doesnt want Cora, she could try Coraline(core-uh-line) like the new movie. Or she could put a cuter name in front or behind it. My friends mom wanted to name her Rose but her dad didnt want Rose, so they settled with PollyRose, cute right? Well hope this helps!
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3-10-2009 @ 12:54PM
Jane said...First off, I love the Cora. I have known one lady who just goes by Cora, another Cora Jane and one Coralie. So there are definitely other versions that you may prefer and still honor your husbands family. Another suggestion, it is common in the Jewish faith to name a baby after a deceased relative. However, since some families may not want to call their baby Arthur or Esther or the like, they will just use the first initial to honor them.
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3-10-2009 @ 1:25PM
isisaquaria said...please do not saddle the child with the name and image of someone else--as someone named after someone in my family--it has sucked from day one---same for my husband---we are both named after great grandparents----
I have spent my whole life hearing how much I look like them or sound like them or act like them etc--the day I turned 17, I changed my name legally---using both names given by my parents as a combined third name and adding a nickname (from a brother as my first and a name of my choosing as a middle)
My husband did not change his, but the constant berage of comments has caused him to distance himself from his family members that refuse to call him just by his first name--(middle name is great-grandfathers). His grandmother just calls him by his middle name and has corrected me and my children every time--and we have gotten to the point of just being rude back--after more than twenty yrs--nice ends.
Just something to think about---We have little to no memories of the people whose names were laid heavily upon us--but feeling shadowed by the memories of others and how we should be-sucks.
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3-14-2009 @ 10:09PM
hiltzy said...I am named after my great-grandmother and it has been an honor. While I haven't always loved my name I have always loved the sentiment and meaning behind the name - now as an adult I love both my name and the meaning/history behind. Great to share family connection with your children and Cora is a beautiful name! All the best!
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3-16-2009 @ 1:30AM
prttyprincess said...I know you have gotten a lot of advice and might not need anymore but as someone who was named for a distant great grandmother I thought I would throw in my own opinion. I am named after the first woman of my father's family to come to America. Her name was Rebecca and I am honored to carry on that family name. I love the story and it is a wonderful story to get to tell. I feel that by keeping her name going it is keeping her memory alive, and isn't that really the point; to share a connection of our loved ones to carry on her legacy even if it is just a name to show that she lived and was loved and I love that I get to be a part of that story. Just think in a hundred years from now the name Cora may still be running through your family and it will be traced to your daughter and her great grandmother a woman she may never have met but who's legacy lived on through her and isn't that a great story to tell?
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5-04-2009 @ 3:55PM
Kat said...Heh, names...That's a fun discussion.
My dad wanted to name me Stacy Lee, so my mother and I would share the same initials. She wanted Jessica Elisabeth (the Elisabeth after what we like to call 'the name incident' with my grandmother). Somehow they came up with Kathryn Elisabeth. Dad says he realized Stacy Lee wasn't very professional, and they decided Kathryn was more 'professional', which is weird since I'm the most casual and off-the-wall person they know.
If I had been a boy on the other hand (they didn't wanna know if I was a boy or a girl until I was born)...
Dad wanted to name a son Patrick Allan, so the initials and nickname would both be Pat. Mom wanted something more classic and old-fashioned.
They settled on Jedediah, I have nothing against the name but I doubt I would have survived the teasing. I got teased enough because I was Elisabeth instead of Elizabeth.
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5-14-2009 @ 12:18PM
elissssabeth said...HA! MY name is Elisabeth, and I love it...always have. I tell people "It's the German spelling" when they notice it. But most people just spell it with a Z which drives me nuts. I always have to say "Elisabeth, with an S," LOL but I don't mind because it's different. I have met about 5 other Elisabeths (in the US) so far in my 39 years.
AND...we named our first daughter Cora. Cora Fern. And I love it. It was an instant, "That's the one!" for both of us. Sounds like a girl, but still serious enough to be President of a corporation! It was the name of the older sister in "Last of the Mohicans," and was in the top 20 in the late 1800's.
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