Kids Serving Grown Up Drinks

by Sandy Maple (Subscribe to Sandy Maple's posts) Mar 13th 2009 3:00PM

Alcohol and kids go together like...well, they don't really go together all that well, do they? Before kids, you might not have thought twice about polishing off a bottle of wine with dinner or enjoying a night on the town with your drinking buddies. But with children come responsibilities. Responsibilities that are hard to live up to when you are nursing a hangover.

While some people give up alcohol altogether after having kids, most of us just tone it down a bit. Instead of late-night bar-hopping, we enjoy an occasional cocktail in the comfort of our own home. But even that scenario raises a question of what is appropriate when the kids are around.

Is it ever okay to ask your kid to bring you a beer?

That question touched off a debate this week over at Cafe Mom, with readers weighing in on all sides of the issue. Some believe a parent who asks a child to bring them anything is just being lazy while others fondly recall their own beer-fetching days as a child. Of course, many who object to children handing out beers do so because we are talking alcohol here -- something kids certainly shouldn't be drinking. As one mom put it, alcohol can be like a monster in the closet.

You do not know if the monster is nice or awful (addictive) until you let him out. If you let him out by showing kids it is okay to drink and then find out they are one of the lucky ones with a genetic predisposition to alcoholism then you have an awful monster on the loose.

I can certainly see her point, and I know plenty of people who agree with her. But as another reader pointed out, not everyone who drinks gets drunk and children need to learn about moderation.

Who is right here? In general, I think the answer lies in our own experiences with alcohol. As parents, every decision we make is informed by our own pasts. Someone who grew up with an alcoholic parent is going to feel differently about the subject than one whose parents drank in moderation or not at all.

What do you think? Is asking a child to fetch a beer tempting the monster or teaching a valuable lesson? Or is it just lazy?

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Comments (11)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Melissa 3-13-2009 @ 3:40PM

My mom didn't drink a whole lot around me (in fact, I could probably count on one hand how many times she did lol), but I grew up knowing she had left my alcoholic father....therefore, I don't party real hard since having my own child, but I still drink. And I have had a glass of wine in front of her, and she has said she wants some (she thinks it's juice lol), but of course I tell her no, it's a grown up drink....but I would NEVER ask her to get me a beer, or bring me the bottle of Jack Daniels or something!

penny 3-13-2009 @ 3:45PM

Both my husband and I work or have worked in bars, and my kids have all seen their dad at work ( I work to late at night for them to see me). We have a liquor cabinet full of anything you could ever want, and while we do have a teen in the house we haven't' yet felt the need to lock the cabinet. I have asked my kids to bring me a beer, the oldest have actually opened the bottles of wine for me, I don't' see anything wrong with it. We are trying to teach my children to respect alcohol and do so by talking with them about the dangers of over drinking, hangover to death you just never know. Our life style is not for everyone, I have had many comments about how we should be investigated, but its out life and as long as I'm not getting my kids drunk, or abusing them while drinking I think there is nothing wrong with having alcohol in the house and having you kids around it.

Emily 3-13-2009 @ 4:38PM

I don't think that I would ask my kids to fetch my drinks for me, but on the other hand, I agree with the way my mom handled it when I was growing up. Alcohol wasn't just demonized- instead, when we asked to taste it, she let us try it (I'm talking middle school age here- not toddlers or anything) and we took a sip and realized it tasted gross! I think if kids are aware of alcohol and its proper place as an adult accompaniment to a meal, but not just told never drink it ever, they will develop a healthy respect and appreciation for it. Also, I think most important of all is how the parents treat the alcohol- if they overindulge or drink all day etc. then they are setting a poor example for their children. If they occasionally enjoy a glass of wine with dinner or relax with a beer after work the children will see how to responsibly use alcohol.

Mary Sullivan 3-15-2009 @ 3:57PM

This is pretty much how we do it. Model moderation and answer Qs when they come up. Which they have. Being super secretive about drinking makes it too big a deal, adding to the mystique and making it more enticing for kids.

Haven't let them taste beer or wine yet, because I don't know enough about the risks of that for kids with alcoholism in their family tree (which mine have). Seems like long ago I read something about how a small % of people can get "instantly addicted" to alcohol--like, on their first sip. But that could be hogwash; would need to look it up and see if it's based on real studies or just speculation.

I don't ask the kids (10 y.o. twins plus an 11 y.o.) to fetch booze, but other things? Heck yeah, I ask all the time. If they're upstairs and I'm not and I need something from up there, I'll call up...please bring down the laundry or whatever. If they need a spoon at dinner, I'll try to get them to check first to see if anyone else needs one, too, before they go and get just the one. That part is still a work in progress, lol.

Mary
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Karen 3-13-2009 @ 4:39PM

It differs for every family. My sister and her husband have cocktail hour frequently, but they don't get drunk or give any to their kid, and that seems to work for them. My husband had been a problem drinker, and alcoholism runs deep in his family, so I don't want to take the chance of normalizing alcohol use for my daughter until she's old enough to understand her risks. I don't want her to get the idea that the mark of a grownup is drinking alcohol, and thus I wouldn't ask her to fetch me a beer.

ame s 3-13-2009 @ 5:19PM

I've been tempted to have one of the kids pour Mom a glass of wine but haven't. Years ago my younger daughter frowned at my glass of wine was a drug. Around the same age, one of her friends caught her mom smoking and loudly announced "My mom does drugs!" while in a long line at Disney World.
I will ask the girls to bring me other things, as they ask of me.
They know their late-father's parents were both alcoholics so we've talked about alcohol and drugs and will until they are, um 40!

ame s 3-13-2009 @ 5:19PM

Ah, I forgot something. When we were kids my dad would ask my brother to bring him a beer or two on Saturday nights. My brother would sneak a sip on the way from the kitchen. Dad stopped asking him when my brother was around 10 and handed Dad a can with a big ole lip print on it and 1/3 of it gone. We all still find that funny. Dad didn't think it was funny when it happened.

M 3-14-2009 @ 10:27AM

Like putting a spoon into a childs' hand, (s)he will become use to it and comfortable.

3boys 3-16-2009 @ 4:20PM

What a joke ! America has a very unhealthy view of beer. It's just a drink. The trick is to never let your kids see you drink more than one at a time. If you have one then it indicates you are thirsty and enjoy the taste, if you drink a six pack you want to get drunk.

I never saw either of my parents drink more than one beer, glass of wine or cocktail in the same day when I was growing up. When I first encountered people drinking the whole evening away I thought it was odd, like pounding a twelve-pack of sprite would seem.

When I travel in Europe alcohol-free beer is readily available so people can enjoy a beer with a meal and still drive home. I'm shocked at the blank stares I get when I ask for an alcohol-free beer in the US. The thinking seems to be "why would you drink beer unless you want to get drunk" or some kind of feeling that it is wimpy to drink an alcohol-free beverage.

Asking a child to transport a beverage for you is certainly better than having them see the beer commercial during the game you're watching. These commercials indicate that having a large group of friends and a large supply of beer is harmless fun with no consequences.

Matt 3-21-2009 @ 10:29PM

"These commercials indicate that having a large group of friends and a large supply of beer is harmless fun with no consequences."

Um... it is harmless fun with very few consequences, if you act responsibly (which is exactly the kind of action encouraged by those evil, evil TV ads).

And alcohol-free beer doesn't taste as good, which is why you're getting funny looks. Maybe they have higher-quality NA beer in Europe, but in the US you're limited to Buckhauler at best, and St. Pauli Girl NA at worst, neither of which I'd drink before Mexican tap water.

Matt 3-17-2009 @ 11:55PM

I'm working on completely demystifying alcohol for my children. My six-year old helps me brew beer; he's fascinated by the process of brewing. He even likes the smell of beer as its being brewed. Now, I haven't allowed him to drink the beer -- nor will I until it's time -- but when that time comes I'll teach him everything I know about it. Where alcohol is concerned, knowledge leads to respect, and respect leads to responsibility. Teach your children that alcohol in all its varied forms is a wonderful, complex, and savory beverage, and they will never disrespect it. At least not until the honeymoon.

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