Breast is Best - Or is it?

What a diverse group of Karens on this site. I am glad that the Karen above has never had to deal with mental illness, but as someone who has, I just want to say, shut up if you don't know what you're talking about. And I also do not care whether you think you judge other mothers, because you do. Fortunately, one thing I do have going for me is the ability, developed at a young age, to disregard the judgments of people whose business it isn't. I hope the other mothers here can learn that skill -- it really keeps idiots and jerks from ruining your day.

I made it clear that I made judgments about behavior (ie - not trying is selfish), but that I can separate that from judging the person. If you can't make that distinction, and you are offended by that - well...too bad. Maybe the comments section of a message board is not the best place for someone dealing with mental health issues. Based on your reactions, it doesn't appear you developed (at a young age) an ability to disregard other people's personal judgement of you or your behaviors after all. Aparently that applies to comments that aren't even directed AT you.

Secondly, when referencing sanity - I'm not addressing mental illness, I'm discussing it in terms of people saying that they make choices for "their own sanity" which isn't really dealing with their mental state, but with their own personal life choices. Certainly, you can distinguish true mental illness, from people referencing "losing their mind" and "protecting their sanity" as terminology for dealing with frustration.

People often act as if they cannot help the choices they make that are based on how they feel. I call BS on that most of the time.

Additionally, you know nothing about my knowledge or experiences with mental illness, so if your advice is not to comment on things that you know nothing about -- well...take your own advice.

Again, I think breast is best. I acknowledge that there are true physical conditions that prevent breast feeding. I'll even give you there are mental conditions that prevent breast feeding (although I'd more likely make judgement about all kinds of parenting issues in that case). I think that people who don't try are selfish in that decision. I think that those that choose not to breastfeed are choosing to NOT do what is best for their baby but are NOT harming them. Therefore, it is nobody's business. It doesn't make anyone a bad person. But people need to understand that other people can have opinions, and are entitled to those opinions. The opinions don't make you feel bad, you allow yourself to feel bad. There is a huge difference. And it is something that parents should understand at an early age because parenting skills/choices are evaluated and judged all through life. It doesn't stop at breastfeeding. People will make judgements about how you dress your child, discipline your child, what movies you let them watch, what schools you send them to, etc. It is never ending. I advise people to make well thought out decisions, and then refuse to allow yourself to feel bad if your decisions don't jive with someone else's.

Because again, if you aren't HARMING your baby, it isn't anybody's business.

You might want to re-read your original post. Maybe you don't realize how you come across. How is calling a woman selfish not judging her? There is a difference between "stating" that you make something clear and then actually making something clear, because as much as you say you judge the action, not the person, your words reek of disapproval. You also write "You choose your own sanity," and then when I take issue with it, you say you weren't talking about mental health, as if there were some other kind of sanity. I do agree with you here: "The opinions don't make you feel bad, you allow yourself to feel bad." Which is the point of my last line. Finally, because you know nothing about me either, I will fill you in: Your judgments don't hurt me, not only because I don't care what people outside a very select circle think of me, but also because I breast-fed my baby. A whole different group of women would be judging me as I whipped it out at the park, and I didn't care then either.

I think you are the one that didn't read carefully, found something that struck a nerve and lashed out. If you read carefully, you would have seen that the previous comments referenced "my sanity" (clearly not addressing mental health) and that it is common terminology to express dealing with frustration rather than dealing with mental illness.

And if you read my post clearly, I said that although I don't think it is BEST for the baby, that people should just ACKNOWLEDGE it. Because I DON'T think it is a big deal - rather than talk around it, just acknowledge it and move on. Because, like I said -- it isn't HARMING the baby and it is nobody's business.

I don't have an opinion about you one way or the other. I only responded to what you wrote and judged the tone of your post as well.

A lot of the "benefits" to breast feeding may not be a causal relationship. Correlation /= causation. Perhaps families where the mother can afford to exclusively breastfeed have more of other resources, including time, which contribute to the child possibly having more opportunities, and thus contributing to the increased average intelligence?

Babies have been raised on formula for a very long time now. Formula has been advancing dramatically over the years. Even the boost to the immune system... They're now developing formulas that can serve that purpose, which is basically selling me on formula.

There is no absolute, clear evidence that breastfeeding is hands down better for the child. Keep your judgmental arrogance to yourself.

(And in case you were wondering, just on the chance I might someday decide I want to have children, and if I do, that I might want to try breastfeeding, I've put off a much desired and possibly needed breast reduction surgery - I am not anti-breastfeeding. I AM anti-self righteous jerks.)

Well, you still haven't convinced me that breast isn't best.

And if you hate self righteous jerks, you might want to examine your own post.

But umm....no - I won't keep my opinion to myself. And again -- (DO YOU OBNOXIOUS PEOPLE NOT READ or do you just lack the ability to comprehend?) - I don't care if you breastfeed or not.

So I am a mammal. I am born to breastfeed? I'll go with that.

My milk ducts were separated from my nipples in a long ago, necessary operation. It is impossible for me to breastfeed.

Am I to feel guilty and put myself down for being so selfish (as I have been called) to have that operation long before children were dreamt of because I knew would make breastfeeding impossible?

You dont know why some people "choose" to formula feed so before you judge, think to yourself that it might be possible that you dont know the circumstances.

I wish I could have had an option, I would have loved the experience, but I'm pretty sure I endured enough abuse for my "choice" for several people.

Oh and my child and I have a very very close bond, breastfed or not.

Nicola,

Bravo to you for being able to breastfeed.

However, not everyone is able to. Not even every MAMMAL is able to feed their baby. Have you never heard of animals fed by bottles or nurse-animals as their mothers are unable to feed? On my father's cattle ranch, it is referred to as "dry cow". It does happen and to say that every mammal can breastfeed is injurious to those of us who can't, and it is ignorant.

Please do not assume that every mother who does not feed is doing it by "choice". Your quotes, not mine.

My daughter was hospitalized as I insisted upon trying to breastfeed her and I had - quite literally - NOTHING coming out of my breasts. I was truthfully starving my baby by trying to feed her. The best thing I ever did was put my baby on a bottle. It saved her life.

Fortunately, I had a lovely doctor who told me to beware the breastfeeding mafia and made me realize this: NO CHILD HAS EVER DIED FROM FORMULA FEEDING BUT CHILDREN DIE OF STARVATION.

I am sick and tired of those of you who are fortunate enough to have been able to breastfeed looking down on their noses (again, your words, Nicola) on those of who who cannot and/or who choose not. As others have said, it is often for the best of the mother and baby to bottle feed.

Aren't mothers supposed to be more compassionate than others?

We all make choices based on what is best in particular circumstances, and we should all respect the choices that other mothers make, not judge them for doing something we may deem "wrong" or "bad" for ourselves.

Nicola....I have some interesting things to mention. When I was born 55 years ago, the nurses DISCOURAGED breast feeding because of all the problems mothers sometimes encountered. My FORMULA consisted of Karo syrup and Carnation Evaporated Milk!!! When my children were born, fortunately, I was able to breast-feed them. I gave up my career to be home with them and did without many things. I will never regret that time I had with my kids. Now, I am working at a childcare center, mostly with infants, to help with college expenses. Mothers come in with formula or breast milk, and I see absolutely no difference in the way the children develop. In fact, one little guy was doing poorly on his mother's milk and is now so much better satisfied with formula. I really can't understand why working mothers insist on pumping. They must be so hurried and harrassed each day, as it is. They should relax and enjoy what little time they have with their babies. Maybe try and keep enough milk for a nighttime feeding; then offer formula for the rest of the time. We mothers need to stick together and not judge each other. But I guess I just passed judgement on those working moms who pump! Forgive me!!! Hang in there and know that you are trying to do what you think is best for you and your kids. All mom's are.....

There are actually several features of mammalian physiology that completely differentiate so called "mammals" from other animals, including, but not limited to, body hair. While I personally have no idea why someone decided to focus on the mammary glands (which both males and females have, btw, and men are capable of lactating, and even feeding a child entirely on their own that way if they choose to), nomenclature is a poor reason to decide why something must be done. If the group was named according to the body hair, would it suddenly become wrong to shave it off?

Also, for some people, breastfeeding isn't fun. I'm sure for a lot of women, they'd rather they never did it. For the ones who can't, pointing out "missed opportunities" is kind of insensitive.

As a new mother, I wanted to breastfeed more than anything. It didn't work. And boy did I try. I tried for three months. Cracked, bleeding nipples, lactation consultants, mastitis, clogged milk duct, and finally a yeast infection in my nipples. The pain I felt was severe. The emotional distress made it all worse. I endured all of the pain, because I so wanted to breastfeed. But I couldn't even hold my baby against my chest, there was so much pain. At three months, I decided it was best for baby and mama to go to formula. It's the best decision I've ever made. And not only can mama bond with baby during feedings, so can dad. When I have another child, I will try again to breastfeed. But this time I will go into it with a kind heart to myself. If it doesn't work, then move on and enjoy the baby ... isn't that what is most important to create a lasting bond?