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Imaginary Friends - Normal or Not?
Filed under: Celeb Kids
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have another kid under their roof: daughter Shiloh's imaginary friend Amy.
Reportedly two-year-old Shiloh's best friend is a make-believe little girl. "Shiloh says she likes Amy more than Knox and Viv," says a source close to Brangelina. And during dinner, Shiloh pushes away her plate and says, "Amy's not hungry." And although Brad and Angie have tried to reason with their daughter, Shiloh insists Amy is real.
Is this typical, or is it a Hollywood kid thing?
"It's totally normal for children ages three and four to have imaginary friends," says child psychologist Fran Walfish, Psy.D. "Often times kids invent a pretend playmate because they don't know how to relate to their parents – or their parents can't relate to them – so they create a 'friend' who understands them unconditionally."
According to Walfish, not only are imaginary friends a normal stage of development, it's also common for kids to create playmates when they feel lonely. In large and busy families where communication is scarce, a child may conjure up a buddy to keep them company or to comfort them when they're upset. In other words, a child may pretend -- or create -- someone who understands them.
Another reason kids invent friends is to avoid accountability. In Shiloh's case, pushing away her plate and saying "Amy's not hungry" is likely her way of expressing that she doesn't want to eat. "A child may fear his parents will be angry if he tells them how he feels, so he might say, 'So and so made me do it' or 'So and so wants a cookie,'" Walfish says.
And although parents shouldn't insist their child's imaginary friend is, well, imaginary, Walfish says that it is OK to say something like, "I know Amy says she's not hungry and it's OK that Amy's here, but you can always tell me anything that's on your mind."
That said, there are times when parents should be concerned about their child's imaginary friend. For example, does your child believe his imaginary friend is real? Does he assume the personality traits of his imaginary friend? According to Walfish, if your child believes he and his imaginary friend are one person, it may be time to have a talk.
It's also important to gauge how healthy your kid's relationship with his imaginary friend is. For example, ask questions like, "Does your friend play nice?" If the answer is no, your kid may be harboring low self esteem and expressing it through his imaginary playmate.
Finally, remember this: Just like anything else, intuition is crucial in sussing out a healthy situation, so use your parental gut. Chances are, your child is just expressing his new-found creativity.
Does your child have an imaginary friend? Did you?
Reportedly two-year-old Shiloh's best friend is a make-believe little girl. "Shiloh says she likes Amy more than Knox and Viv," says a source close to Brangelina. And during dinner, Shiloh pushes away her plate and says, "Amy's not hungry." And although Brad and Angie have tried to reason with their daughter, Shiloh insists Amy is real.
Is this typical, or is it a Hollywood kid thing?
Jolie-Pitt Clan
Girls' Day Out
Zahara and Shiloh enjoy a shopping trip with mom Angelina Jolie in New York. They look like typical little girls -- comfortable and warm and ready for fun with their mom.
Bauer-Griffin
Just when it seemed you'd read every sappy tidbit about the picture-perfect Jolie-Pitts and their nigh-on-holy parenting prowess, it turns out these immaculate specimens are even more flawless than originally assumed. But no matter what they tell reporters, the Hollywood power couple don't exactly practice what they preach.
James Devaney/WireImage.com
Brad recently told Hello! magazine that he and his family are too cool for fancy Christmas presents, saying: "We do exchange gifts, although we don't feel any pressure to make them big or expensive gifts."
Getty Images
And not only that -- the reason the kids don't ask for the latest cheap, plastic, Elmo-inspired gadgets is because they don't watch American cartoons, thereby avoiding all the "manipulative" ads run by toymakers.
Getty Images
Which, to be fair, is nice to hear. After all, in tough economic times, it's refreshing that even the wealthiest families are taking a sensible approach to the holiday madness.
Or, it would be, if the Jolie-Pitts weren't just spouting off about their holier-than-thou approach to child rearing. 'Cause, as it turns out, Angelina can be quite the spendthrift.
Getty Images
Angie recently ordered a 2009 Ducati 1100s Monster for her hunky hubby's 45th birthday. The bike isn't available yet for us mere mortals, but when it is this hot ride will set you back $12,000.
Ducati
And you may remember in September of last year, when blogs were buzzing with the news that Angelina had bought daughter Zahara a mini Valentino braided leather shoulder bag (to match the grown-up version she was carrying at the time -- then worth $1695).
INFphoto.com
Not that the Jolie-Pitts are horrible people (I mean, what else would you do with hundreds of millions of dollars to spend?) -- but next time you're bummed because your family doesn't live up to Brangelina's unattainable standards, remember that their squeaky-clean celebrity image is just as much PR spin as it is reality.
Getty Images
Angelina Jolie with Shiloh, Pax and Zahara walking in New Orlean's French Quarter in 2008.
Chris Wolf, FilmMagic
Brad Pitt carrying Shiloh and Zahara at the Lenval Hospital in Nice, where Angelina gave birth to twins Knox and Vivienne in July 2008.
Lionel Cironneau, AP
"It's totally normal for children ages three and four to have imaginary friends," says child psychologist Fran Walfish, Psy.D. "Often times kids invent a pretend playmate because they don't know how to relate to their parents – or their parents can't relate to them – so they create a 'friend' who understands them unconditionally."
According to Walfish, not only are imaginary friends a normal stage of development, it's also common for kids to create playmates when they feel lonely. In large and busy families where communication is scarce, a child may conjure up a buddy to keep them company or to comfort them when they're upset. In other words, a child may pretend -- or create -- someone who understands them.
Another reason kids invent friends is to avoid accountability. In Shiloh's case, pushing away her plate and saying "Amy's not hungry" is likely her way of expressing that she doesn't want to eat. "A child may fear his parents will be angry if he tells them how he feels, so he might say, 'So and so made me do it' or 'So and so wants a cookie,'" Walfish says.
And although parents shouldn't insist their child's imaginary friend is, well, imaginary, Walfish says that it is OK to say something like, "I know Amy says she's not hungry and it's OK that Amy's here, but you can always tell me anything that's on your mind."
That said, there are times when parents should be concerned about their child's imaginary friend. For example, does your child believe his imaginary friend is real? Does he assume the personality traits of his imaginary friend? According to Walfish, if your child believes he and his imaginary friend are one person, it may be time to have a talk.
It's also important to gauge how healthy your kid's relationship with his imaginary friend is. For example, ask questions like, "Does your friend play nice?" If the answer is no, your kid may be harboring low self esteem and expressing it through his imaginary playmate.
Finally, remember this: Just like anything else, intuition is crucial in sussing out a healthy situation, so use your parental gut. Chances are, your child is just expressing his new-found creativity.
Does your child have an imaginary friend? Did you?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
3-19-2009 @ 3:10PM
isisaquaria said...We had Casper--my six yo was avoiding taking responsibility--CASPER always did something to cause the problem. That lasted about three months, until we started disciplining her for Casper actions anyway--He was no longer useful, he disappeared.
Reply
3-19-2009 @ 3:35PM
Scott K. said...My daughter (3&1/2 yo) has two imaginary friends. Austin & Sid (from Backyardigans and Sid the Science Kid). It seems like she just wants people to do things with, so when she's eating or we're leaving, they sometimes join in.
Reply
3-19-2009 @ 4:11PM
Katheryn said...I had an imaginary friend from age 3 until I started school at age 5. At the time I thought he was real. It wasn't until I was much older that I realized I had made him up.
Reply
3-22-2009 @ 12:11PM
Susan Newman, Ph.D. said...Imaginary friends are often signs of creativity as well as useful to young children in coping with transitions and/or situations. Many feel only children have more imaginary friends; not true. For much more on pretend friends, check out Psychology Today: Imaginary Friends: Any in Your House?
http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/singletons/200806/imaginary-friends-any-in-your-house
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