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Teen Girls Say Rihanna Is to Blame for Assault
Filed under: In The News, New In Pop Culture
Think your daughter knows her boyfriend shouldn't hit her? Think again -- teen girls are rushing to defend Chris Brown, and are placing the blame for her beating squarely on Rihanna.Last week, Oprah Winfrey devoted an entire show to talking about dating violence, specifically to the recent incident between rapper Chris Brown and pop diva Rihanna. There was a lot of eye rolling on the part of viewers, because really, do we need to hear this again?
Apparently the answer is yes, we do. Or at least our teenage daughters do, because they are flocking to Brown's defense. Brown, 19, is accused of assaulting Rihanna; the 21-year-old wound up in the hospital with a black eye and bloodied face. Yet in spite of the graphic nature of her injuries, Brown's female fans are standing by him -- and blaming Rihanna for the incident.
"She probably made him mad for him to react like that," a ninth grader told the "New York Times." "You know, like, bring it on?"
Another girl added, "She probably feels bad that it was her fault, so she took him back."
And this from a third: "I don't think he'll hit her like that again."
But it gets worse: Nearly half of Boston teenagers surveyed said Rihanna was responsible for the attack. The Boston Public Health Commission talked with 200 Boston youths age 12 to 19, all of whom said they were familiar with the story. 46% of those kids said the whole thing was Rihanna's fault, while 52% said the media were treating Brown unfairly.
Apparently Oprah's assertion that "If a man hits you once, he will hit you again...Love doesn't hurt," is unfair to Chris Brown. Go figure.
"The New York Times" offers some explanations for teen girls' loyalty to Brown: They are jealous of Rihanna and of her relationship with the hip-hop star. They see the baby-faced Brown as young and innocent and incapable of violence. And they interpret his personal story of abuse (his mother was a victim) as an excuse. "They feel bad for him," posits Mimi Valdés Ryan, editor-in-chief of "Latina" magazine. "It's not his fault, he doesn't know better. We need not judge him."
The problem, of course, is that we do need to judge him, or at least his behavior. The reaction of his young female fans -- who are heaping the blame on Rihanna, claiming in blog posts and Facebook discussions that she deserved to be beaten -- is entirely inappropriate. And more than that, it is frightening.
As a parent, I am horrified by these young women's comments. But I can also see the bind they are in. They hear that abuse is unacceptable, that they should walk away from an abuser -- but then they see Rihanna reuniting with Brown, almost immediately after the incident. They hear that they are equal to their male peers, in intellect and ability and responsibility, and then they see Brown being charged with a crime while Rihanna is labeled a victim. And, saddest of all, they see their peers being abused without comment or intervention and they wonder what the furor is about. Danielle Shores, 17, told the "New York Times:" "Yeah, men hit women, and women hit men. It was blown out of proportion because they're celebrities."
The bottom line seems to be this: No matter how much we talk about dating violence, there is always room for more conversation. Teens -- young women in particular, but young men as well -- need to be reminded that abuse has no place in a romantic relationship. This specific conversation, about Chris Brown and Rihanna, opens the door for us to talk to our kids about dating violence, but it also opens up a discussion of how teen culture -- television and music and celebrity gossip -- influences their values and actions.
It's not enough, apparently, to say that our daughters need to stand up for themselves; after all, these girls are standing up for Chris Brown. We need to talk with them about how they choose their role models, and what it means to look up to someone, and what to do when that role model falls short of their expectations.
And we need to make absolutely sure they understand that it is never okay for a man to hit a woman -- or vice versa.
Have you talked to your teen about Chris Brown and Rihanna? What are your kids saying?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 2)
3-19-2009 @ 1:51PM
LS said...It's also important to make it known that it is wrong to *goad* someone into hitting. Many girls have that "bring it on" attitude; the "yeah, I'm a bitch and proud of it" attitude. They flaunt it, and expect it to be accepted. Couple that kind of attitude with a temper that is not controlled, and you have a recipe for disaster.
I'm not saying that people ask to be hit, however, I have seen situations where girls (primarily) taunt boys... 'you want this? Can't have it!" "Bring it on" "Yeah, you WISH you could touch me" and other obnoxious phrases. They think it's ok because they're told constantly that "it's wrong for boys to abuse girls". Well, who is abusing whom, here?
And before you flame me, understand that I am saying that there is NO excuse, whatsoever, for violence on either side. What I am saying is that, often, there are two people involved in that incident, and there may be no innocent parties.
That's what we need to teach our kids - that everyone should be treated with respect, whether they deserve it or not.
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3-19-2009 @ 2:44PM
mr said...It doesn't matter what a woman or man says. Verbal or physical abuse is never ever okay. I don't care if she says, you want this, can't have this! That is completely irrevelant. It is totally up to each woman when and when not to be intimate. And perhaps you should think about why you would "want to have" something with someone who doesn't want you... That is pretty disturbing.
Your attitude is no different that the girls who are saying that Rihanna deserved it. Very creepy. It is 2009!
3-19-2009 @ 3:15PM
LS said...Ok, first off, I knew I would get crap for what I said, because people don't want to understand. Did you read the third paragraph that I wrote? I said it is NEVER OK to hit someone. Man or woman. Period.
But you have to understand... in many abuse situations - and I'm speaking from personal experience - the "victim" isn't as much of a victim as we like to believe. Women particularly, but men as well, know exactly which buttons to push. They 'get off' on pushing those buttons and dancing close to the edge. That in itself is a form of abuse. But we never talk about that. The person who does the hitting is always the only one held responsible. And *sometimes* there are no victims... *sometimes* there are TWO people in the wrong.
3-19-2009 @ 10:13PM
Sandyone said...My daughters will pull this garbage on their brothers. They know that there's no way the big boys will hit them, so they are really sassy and obnoxious. When one of the boys raises a hand in threat, they come squealing to me about how BoyOne "was going to hit me!!" I ask, "and what did you to to aggravate him?"
No, it's never OK to hit, but sometimes, it sure is understandable.
3-19-2009 @ 10:28PM
LS said...THANK YOU, Sandyone... You get it, completely!!!
3-19-2009 @ 11:17PM
SKL said...I guess my problem with this line of thinking is that the guy here left bruises and such on this woman's face, meaning he hit her brutally, not just to "get her off him." I have 3 brothers as well, I know what it's like to get in a skirmish, and I realize this guy is only 19. But it's one thing to push someone away in the heat of the moment; it's another thing to repeatedly and brutally hit someone inherently weaker. (Unless the woman was wielding a dangerous weapon or using martial arts on the guy, she was inherently weaker.)
It's one thing to say, let's forgive this guy and wish both of them get some emotional healing / maturing so this doesn't happen again. It's a completely different thing to say that the woman brought it on herself, meaning that taunting the guy is sufficient excuse for him to brutalize her. No, never. That is a slave mentality.
3-20-2009 @ 6:16AM
Sandyone said...I'm quite certain that neither LS nor I mean that this kind of violence is ok. It's distressing that it comes off that way.
3-20-2009 @ 9:22AM
LS said...No, SKL.... I didn't mean, in any way, to let Mr. Brown off the hook. What he did was, is, and always will be, completely wrong.
But I see so much, in the larger realm of society, that abuse is "always" the fault of the male in the relationship. In this situation, it seems that is the case. But we don't know all the facts, and probably never will. Playing "Devil's Advocate" (and admitting that I have no evidence of this whatsoever)... what if this incident was the end of a long string of problems, where she physically attacked him, and he finally snapped and fought back? Does that make it right? No. Does that put it in a different light? Perhaps.
I'm just tired of the culture in this country that seems to say that only women can be victimized, and that in cases of physical altercations, that it is *always* the fault of the male. Because sometimes it isn't. Women can be vicious, and when the sentiment is always on their side, it can be dangerous.
3-20-2009 @ 11:39AM
SKL said...LS, I understand what you are saying, but according to this article, half of the young girls questioned thought there was justification for this battery, which means that we are far from always blaming the man. Personally I feel we should blame whoever hit (other than in self defense), and if that is the woman or both of them, then the woman should not escape charges either.
I agree with teaching girls (in particular) that some people out there are crazy violent and will hit a woman if she ticks them off. That's a safety issue for women, not a social more. We should also teach them that if that ever happens, they need to take serious steps to prevent it happening again.
Separately, of course we should teach all children that they need to respect and not provoke one another, because provocation is hurtful. But that is a separate issue, in my opinion. Normal civilized adults face provocation and don't respond with violence. The normal civilized response to it is to turn and walk away. Some people will respond verbally, others with their own acts of provocation, etc. To teach our daughters that provocative behavior by a woman toward a man will normally lead to violence is akin to teaching her that men should be held to lower civil standards than women. (And yes, this is a gender issue, because although some women are violent too, they can't do nearly as much damage to a man as a man can do to a woman.)
I have a friend whose boyfriend punched her and broke her jaw because he didn't like her new hairstyle. To him, getting a permanent was provocation enough. She didn't leave him right away, either. Then there are those men who will beat up "their woman" because they imagine that some other man has caught her eye. How many women do we know who will sit and rationalize that if they just didn't do X or Y, they would not have been beaten? They become slaves to their husbands' / partners' whims, however illogical they may be, and yet they continue to be beaten - go figure.
So although there is merit in your point that nobody should be going around taunting, I am concerned that too many people extend this to the conclusion that taunting (or whatever provocation) makes battery more understandable, hence more acceptable.
In any healthy relationship, both the man and woman need to be able to "be themselves" as far as disagreeing, taking offense, joking, etc., as they get to know each other. Sooner or later, someone is going to face provocation in an ongoing relationship. If our society were to accept that as an excuse for domestic violence, then every woman in a relationship would have to hide a part of who she is. Today, there are cultures where that is required, and most Americans consider them to be quite backward. Yet we can't get away from this as long as we continue to make excuses for domestic violence.
3-19-2009 @ 3:01PM
penny said...I have a "tween" daughter and when this news broke she was devastated! I talked to her and while I told her we shouldn't throw stones at Chris, we have had no idea at the time what happened, that anyone who hits to get a point across is wrong. I talked to her about what she should do if she's ever in that situation, and I told her that was the "line" that couldn't be crossed in my marriage.
I still don't really know what happened but feel if he can pull it together this might just be a learning experience for other potentially abusive men out there. As far a Rhianna is concerned, she's young and I pray that she gets the help she needs to get through this and to never let it happen again. It just goes to show you no matter how much money and fame you have this can happen to you.
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3-19-2009 @ 3:09PM
SKL said...I don't know what led to this act of domestic violence. More importantly, I don't need to know. There is never, ever an excuse for a man to hit a woman, except when she's physically, brutally attacked him and he can't protect himself any other way.
When I read these young girls' comments, all I can think of is, what are they seeing at home? I never, ever saw my dad raise his hand to my mom (or even consider it) so the thought of any man doing this is appalling to me. These young girls must be seeing this kind of abuse regularly in their own lives. Or, maybe constantly hearing misogyny and violence in rap music has desensitized them. Sure, hero worship and immaturity play a part, but it's got to be more than that.
So, if you took all these girls into a room and told them that domestic violence is wrong, how much impact will this have? When they've seen their moms and neighbors put up with it, and they see rich men get richer the more women they beat up?
There's something much deeper and more sinister afoot here. These girls are growing up without a sense of dignity, without an expectation that they will be respected as a human. Aside from perpetuating physical abuse, this will prevent most of them from living up to their true potential. And I fault government entitlements and the philosophy that if you're down, you're down for the count (especially if you fall into certain physical categories), so helpless that you need someone who doesn't even know you to carry you on his back. This is what many of these girls moms have been told and what these girls (now in increasing numbers) continue to be told. It's a tragedy. Nobody who deeply felt a sense of self-worth would put up with abuse from some teenage thug who happens to be rich and famous.
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3-19-2009 @ 4:06PM
Gia said...according to what the police reports say that she was hitting him first. Tell you the truth I dont understand why she wasnt brought up on charges too. Thats typically how it goes.
3-20-2009 @ 1:50PM
S said...I also worry about what these girls are being taught, if anything at all, at home, not just what they might be seeing. I agree with so many of the comments, I'm not going to say the same thing again. If the parents of these teenagers aren't talking with them about the situation, of course they're going to sympathize with the cute boy. Regardless of our opinion, we need to be talking to our girls and teaching them that violence is not an acceptable solution, from them or toward them, regardless of the relationship.
3-19-2009 @ 3:27PM
SKL said...I also think all those liberals in the entertainment world ought to boycott and cut off communication with anyone who attacks another human like an animal. I don't care if it's Sean Penn or Sonny Bono or James Brown or Bobby Brown or Mike Tyson. None of them or a lot of other people should have ever seen another dime. Honestly, I'm disgusted by the message the entertainment world continues to send to our youth about human dignity, all while professing to care about soldiers and starving orphans.
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3-19-2009 @ 4:02PM
LS said...I also think it's a crying shame that Nickelodeon didn't "excuse" Mr. Brown from their nominations for those Kid's Choice awards. It was stand-up of him to remove himself... one of the few things he seems to have done right... but they should have done it for him. He is no role model for kids.
3-19-2009 @ 4:03PM
Gia said...I'm not defending him but I do have something to say about the situation. We really dont know every little thing that happened between them.
From what I've seen in my experience, we could be jumping to conclusions. From the police reports, it says that Rhianna was hitting Chris Brown first.
My father was re-married to a woman that used to beat me up when he wasnt around. I told but no one really believed me, not even my dad. Till one day my dad & her got into a huge fight. She started to wail on my father like I had never seen before. At one point she had him on the ground, was sitting on top of him and just kepting hitting him. He covered his head & face with his hands. I believe he was in shock that she was hitting him like that & thats why she was able to get him on the groung like that. My dads ex-wife was almost 200 lbs & was with the police deptartment & was trained, as is my dad. At one point my dad came out of his shock & started to defend himself. I watched it all happen. He didnt hit her back, he only used defensive moves to block her hits, but in the struggle she smacked her face on the top of my dads head. Her lip busted open. He finally got a hold of her hands & was trying to restrain her, yet she was still fighting. Eventually the cops showed up (which was awkward because we knew them), the reports show that she hit first & he had to react to defend himself. She ended up looking terrible.She had bruises everywhere from both hitting him & from him defending himself. She took pictures & accused him of domestic violence. He almost lost his entire career Everyone in his department believed what she had said. He even got suspended till further investigation. In the end she had to drop the charges because I had witnessed the entire thing, but she had believed that no one would believe me. I was 14 years old at the time.
This experience taught me that there is more to these situations & unless you have witnessed things first hand you shouldn't place blame. Thats why there are investigations & court, to figure out what did happen.
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3-23-2009 @ 1:35PM
franni said...According the police reports that I have found online, nothing says that she was hitting him.
http://www.aolcdn.com/tmz_documents/0305_chris_02_wm.swf
3-19-2009 @ 8:43PM
Mary said...I think the point from all this is NOT to be with an abusive person. The point of a relationship is to enhance your life and being with someone should never hurt (emotionally or physically). Too many people stay in bad relationships even if they are not classified as abusive. It's better to be single than unhappy. And yes, there are abusive women out there and the men in the those relationships should be strong enough to walk away from those women. Either way, the right thing to do is to get out of a bad relationship before it becomes abusive.
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3-20-2009 @ 12:35PM
Beverly Campbell said...A relationship is so complex. It is never just the one incident that provokes these assaults. It builds up over time until someone in the relationship says, "NO MORE!". In most cases it is the woman that says, "No More". Then the man, who has been placated for so many many months or years doesn't understand the change and lashes out, in accelerating ways, until he finally hits her or emotionally abuses her to a point that is unacceptable to her. The changing role of women in society has caused a lot of confusion in men's minds. It is not easy to change and grow in a relationship and takes a lot of discipline and clear thinking. That's why teenage relationships of two very high profile celebrities can be very volatile.
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3-21-2009 @ 3:38AM
Hmmm-Yeah said...In no way did Rihanna deserved what happened to her, but for those of you who do not know Rihanna's past physical abusive personality then stop talking bad about Chris. Rihanna has been known as a teenager to beat up on her brother and even once busted a bottle across one of his head. I'm sure it was nothing but sibling rivalry, but to take it to that length is just crazy. Her mother was very upset with her and it left a scar on her brother's forehead to this day. So, we only hear her side because that's all everyone wants to hear. Poor innocent Rihanna. Well, let me tell you, if she had a past like that in which she admitted she always got into fist fights with her brother then you have to imagine what exactly happened first when Rihanna saw the infamous text message on Chris' phone. Would home girl fly into a rage and smash a fist into his face while he was driving? I doubt Chris had the almight power to fight her with one hand while she was oh so helpless as he was driving. One handed fighting that can do so much damage that she couldn't fight back? Puh-lease! You know that girl was throwing punches like mad and what could he do but defend himself? And then finally go into a rage over the thought that someone he loved decided to beat up on him. Especially after she threw the keys. He even left her with the car and the keys and footed the walk away from her after he did the damage. I'm no saint and unfortunately I have learned that I can test the saintliest of patience to fly into a rage. I try not to use that power for evil and didn't even know I had the capability to do so. I can push the buttons on my dad and lots of other males if they piss me off without laying a finger on them.
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