Letting Kids Roam Alone - Would You?

Hi! I'm Lenore -- the "Free-Range Kids" author. I'm so happy this story is getting a lot of play because it brings attention to a weird thing that has happened to our generation of parents. We have been brainwashed by a whole lot of CSI and CNN and movies (Changeling, Taken) and everything else into believing our streets are far less safe than they were when we were kids not so long ago. The statistics, however, show otherwise: Times are actually BETTER than the 70s and 80s, crime wise. It's just hard to believe it, especially when companies are making millions selling things like GPS devices to sew into your child's backpack. So thanks for highlighting this story. Like everyone here, I believe in safety for our kids. But not the paranoia that keeps them stuck at home, in front of a video game. Yours -- Lenore , from www.freerangekids.com .

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I grew up in New Hampshire, and we had the run of our cul-de-sac and the woods behind our house pretty early on. I don't remember when I was allowed to walk to elementary school, but it was also early, partly because I had an older sister and brother and neighbor kids who could all go. None of us ever ran into any trouble. However, we couldn't cross the busy street until middle school. Now I'm raising my daughter in San Francisco, and I'm torn. It'll be much longer before she gets any real freedom; if we stay in this neighborhood, I'm not letting go of her hand until she's 14. I think I just need to get her out of this 'hood. Too many pimps.

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Pimps?!? Yikes, if that's the case, when she's 14 you should start
being MORE of a watchdog, not less.

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I felt the need to reply to this because because the topic came up in my life today. My mom and I were returning to the car after grocery shopping, and I noticed beside us was an SVU with its windows rolled about halfway down.. inside was a girl about 9 or 10, still in her school uniform. It occurred to me instantly how easy it would be for someone to pull into the spot beside that vehicle, reach in to unlock and open that car door, and drag that little girl from one car to the other before anyone knew what what was happening. Forget surveillance cameras. There was one right above us, facing in the opposite direction. It was a little girl in a blind spot. Am I paranoid? Maybe. I relayed my thoughts to my mom who then started to tell me a story. In the 90s, a mom left her 13 year old girl in the car at a convenience store parking lot [sounds reasonable, right?].. As we all know, it only takes a couple minutes to get in and out of one of those places.. So she left the car running and went into the store. A man walked up, got into the car, and drove off with her 13 y.o.. He raped her, shot her point blank in the forehead, and left her to die. Amazingly, the girl crawled out of the tall grass the man had assaulted her in, and reached a road where she was found 2 hours later. She was brought into the New Orleans Childrens' Hospital where my mom worked as a nurse, and underwent neurosurgery for almost a full 24 hours. Chances are, nothing will happen to children in these circumstances, but is it worth it to take that risk? Maybe the policeman did overreact, but did it occur to anyone that he, or someone he knew fell victim to a pedophile? True, most children who are molested are molested by people they know, but plenty are molested by strangers who can't resist opportunities like a young boy walking to practice. I grew up in a sleepy little town, 45 minutes outside of New Orleans, host to farms and woods... My mom believed I was safe, but I wasn't. Her judgment was perfectly sound, and very reasonable, but this world isn't always reasonable. Not now, not ever...

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WELL I HAVE TO SAY WHEN I WAS YOUNGER OUR PARENTS LET US WALK, RIDE OUR BIKES, AND SKATEBOARD EVERYWHERE. EVEN IF YOU SAY TIMES ARE NO DIFFERENT I BELIEVE THEY ARE. I HAVE A 10 YEAR OLD AND I WONT LET HER OUT OF MY SITE. IF SHE WANTS TO WALK A BLOCK TO A FRIENDS HOUSE I STAND RIGHT OUTSIDE AND WATCH HER DO SO AND ONCE SHE GETS TO THE DOOR SHE HAS TO COME BACK OUT TO THE SIDEWALK AND WAVE TO ME THAT SHE IS SAFE. WHEN I STOP AT A CONVENIENCE STORE SHE HAS TO COME IN WITH ME. I DO NOT TRUST PEOPLE AND I WILL NOT RISK THE SAFETY OF MY DAUGHTER. I COULDNT LIVE WITH MYSELF IF SOMETHING HAPPENED THAT I COULD OF PREVENTED. I EVEN HAVE HER TAKING KARATE TO LEARN SELF DEFENSE. INDEPENDENCE? SHE CAN HAVE ALL THE FREEDOM SHE WANTS WHEN SHE IS GROWN. I LET HER INDEPENDENTLY THINK AND MAKE CHOICES BUT SHE IS NOT GOING TO HAVE FREE ROAM OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD. I SEE A LOT OF LITTLE KIDS DO AND I WORRY FOR THEM AS WELL. PARANOID?? MAYBE, BUT I WONT RISK IT...

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I also feel compelled to comment on this subject. Earlier this year my six yo son was brought home in a police car. He had walked to his friends house on the street behind ours, literally less than a block away. I can see his friend's front porch from my back porch. When his friend wasn't there, my son took the "long way" home which consisted of taking the sidewalk all the way around instead of cutting through the alley. My son was crying and calling his friend's name in case he was out playing in someone elses' yard. When the officer dropped my 6yo off he said that they had received two 911 calls about a lost boy wandering the streets. The first call came from the street behind us and the other from our street. The officer literally drove my son half a block. My son was able to give him his phone number, address and both parents' names. We hadn't lived here that long so I was pretty proud of him. The officer scolded my husband and I and proceeded to tell us that there were three registered sex offenders in this neighborhood. He also threatened to call the DHS or "dirty house police" as he called them. I didn't argue with the officer because I knew nothing good would come of it and I wanted to show a respectful example to my son. However, I went immediately inside to research the officer's facts. Fact number one: We live too close to a school for a sex offender to live within miles of us. Fact number two: My neighbors later came by and apologized for calling. They didn't recognize my son and were worried by his crying and calling a name. In this neighborhood, there are children everywhere. They walk around in packs all over this street and two behind it. There is a park three blocks from here and I let my kids walk there in groups either all three of them together or one of them with a couple of their friends. My neighbors and I are all friends now and we all have each other's numbers and keep our eyes out for each other's kids. I was very offended by that officer's comments at first. Since then, I have learned that he and his kids also live within three blocks of here and we are all, kids and parents, friends. He was trying to look out for my son but more than that, he wanted to meet the parents and see what situation he was dealing with. If the officer had really been worried he wouldn't have hesitated to call someone else. I'm pretty sure that was the officer's true intent. He wanted to see the parent to try to figure out what kind of a home life this boy really had. Unfortunately, police officers often have to deal with the least savory people in the community and forget how to use a '"gentle touch". Don't judge the police in this situation too harshly. I honestly believe he was trying to ensure that the boy didn't have the kind of home life in which he had to walk to practice.

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This post seems full of the "when I was a kid" comments, and I'm going to join right in.
When I was a kid, growing up in suburban Connecticut, my friends, siblings and I regularly played outside with little if any parental supervision. Same in Morgan Hill, California in later years. We'd play for hours upon hours, coming home only for dinner, and our parents didn't bat an eye. If we were hurt, a neighbor picked us up and called our parents. If we were lost, we found our way home twenty minutes later. We knew not to talk to strangers, but we'd routinely knock on the front doors of people we barely knew to see if their kids could come out to play.
Don't even get me started on the school fundraisers then, when I'd take a full-color pamphlet all around our housing subdivision (200+ homes), asking people to buy M&Ms to support the local middle school chorus.
Today, I'm the mom of two young kids, living in a working-class neighborhood where most of the families know and at least don't mind each other (some of us are front-porch buddies, some not so much). Nevertheless, I wouldn't dream of having my eight-year old daughter playing in the front yard unsupervised, or letting her walk three blocks to the park without an adult - or at least an older child - with her. Don't even get me started on having her fund raise without me standing at the end of the driveway.
Call me overcautious, call me a smother-mother, call me whatever you want. I'm not at all sure crime rates have risen in the thirty-someodd years since I was a kid. Maybe we're just more aware of the crimes committed against children due to our (ok, my) constant "need" to be online, to get the "latest breaking news."
That having been said, thanks to the online Megans List tool, I know that three convicted child molesters live within half a mile of our house. Thanks to cnn.com among other sources, like most parents, I can recite by heart the circumstances around Polly Klaas' disappearance (and the subsequent discovery of her raped corpse). Even the Girl Scouts organization advises against letting your children sell cookies to strangers, at least without parental supervision.
My children will learn confidence. They'll learn to read maps, they'll learn that while curiosity may have killed the cat, satisfaction brought him back (again and again - I'm a newspaper reporter, and nosy by nature). They'll fall down and scrape their knees, they'll be told "no thanks" to cookies, they won't get invited to the "cool kids" parties - all learning experiences, all painful.
But at least I'll know they're doing it safely and unmolested, until the time comes when they can protect themselves. That's my job as their mother.

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I don't think children should be wandering anywhere alone and I am not even a parent! My fiancee and I were walking in the mall one day and had seen these young girls popping in and out of stores completely alone! With all of these sex offenders, and perverted people in the world, and you let your child roam alone?! I work with children in a small facility, and I don't even let them get a drink of water alone, they have little breaks with the other children. I teach them the "buddy system" as well. Leaving children alone to roam around is wrong!

I don't care how "safe" people might think their neighbourhoods are, but maybe you should check again. I live in a very small town, yet there are FOUR sex offenders on my block... and when I say small town, I mean a town of less than 2,000 inhabitants!! If I were a parent, I wouldn't let my children roam around until at least the age of thirteen, and even then, I still might have trouble with that. As a child I was always taught to be in a group. Even now I don't like roaming a crowded place on my own, I usually have someone with me, or someone close by.

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Do any of you watch the news? The world is a different place than when I was young. I won't let my kids walk alone because of the real risk they may not make it to thier destination. I am not a 'helicoptor" parent, just a realistic one. Children are not adults. They are not able to allways tell a dangerous situation or person untill it is too late. Why would you allow a child to be in a situation where they might be harmed and alone, unable to defend themselves? Part of being a parent is protecting kids until they aren't kids anymore. There are alot of sick people out there.

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I am a mom of 4 children under 8. We live in a safe neighborhood consisting of 3 cul-de-sacs. The parents in the neighborhood let their children play in the front, in the cul-de-sacs but only if they are with them. We all occaisionally run in and get something while the other mother watches all the kids. I love it. Recently we have a 9 year old boy from another neighborhood showing up. He comes all the time and never has parental supervision. He wanders around and roams into backyards and cuts through the woods. What can I do? I have repeatedly told him that he needs his parents with him and to go home but he wanders daily. I do not want anything to happen to this boy and feel responsible when he is there. I do not want to take care of him, be responsible for his safety, his actions and feeding him. I have looked and looked and cannot find any answer to what is the proper thing to do. Does anyone have a recommendation?

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Wow. Whoa. Not everyone CAN have free range children.
It depends upon your state laws (in ours, you cannot leave kids home alone until they are 12, so it follows you can't let them be
alone anywhere in the eyes of the law!). It depends on your city and
town and the number of registered offenders. Don't believe that being
near a school keeps you safe! It depends on the individual child.
If you have an only and no opportunity to buddy system? Well,
do not let the article feel guilty! Each parent knows their kid, what
they have taught them and when they are ready. Sorry, but my
11 year old is NOT ready. But is allowed to ride his bike alone
down to the cul de sac. But not between the hours of 5:00 and 6:00. Our side street becomes a speedway. The sun in the drivers eyes! So, while I'll take heart and well meaning advice from the article, my child's safety is MINE alone in the end. Sorry, Lenore, but not everyone has your neighborhood. I wish we did! The main
road is a rural, but also a speedway. No one let's their kids
walk alone. They walk in casual groups to school. Never alone
after school. I'll trust the group instinct of the mom's who have lived
in my neighborhood longer, thank you.

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