Bullied to Death

by Brett Singer (Subscribe to Brett Singer's posts)
Apr 3rd 2009 9:00AM

Filed under: In The News

A student killed himself -- was bullying to blame?

17-year-old Mentor, Ohio High School student Eric Mohat was the target of relentless verbal and physical abuse from his fellow students. In March of 2007, Eric committed suicide after one of his tormentors said, "Why don't you go home and shoot yourself, no one would miss you." Now Eric's parents are suing the school district, saying that teachers and administrators should have done a better job of protecting their son.

The details are fairly familiar. Eric was into musical theater, had a "slight build" (6 feet tall and 112 pounds -- wow), and was somewhat quiet. In high school, that means some people will think that you're gay. According to ABC News, Eric was called "queer", "fag", and "homo", had pencil shavings dumped on his head in math class and was stuffed into lockers in the hallway. His torturers were football players.

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When I first heard about this story I was on the fence. I believe very strongly that bullying is not taken seriously enough, and there have been far too many cases where teenagers were driven to do themselves harm because of the steady stream of viciousness the receive at school. And while I agreed with the verdict in the recent botched circumcision case in Georgia, that was a clear cut (no pun intended) case of physician error. While this case is similar, it's not the same; it can be difficult to say for certain what school officials knew about what was being done to this poor boy. And of course, a lawsuit won't bring Eric back.

But here's an important point: The Mohats aren't looking for money. They want to shed some light on what they feel is a culture of bullying at Mentor High, to have Eric's death reclassified as a "bullicide," and force the school to put anti-bullying programs in place. They have reason to be concerned -- three other Mentor students committed suicide in 2007, and Janet Klee, a counselor who worked with the victims' families, says that bullying was a factor. Dan Hughes, father of one of Eric's friends, told ABC News that "the school is more concerned about sweeping [these incidents] under the rug [rather] than getting to the bottom of what's going on."

The school says that they don't have a bullying problem, but that seems unlikely. Bullying is very common at almost every school. School officials say that they do have an anti-bullying program in place called Olweus, but experts have found it to be ineffective in high schools, according to ABC. (Olweus is designed for younger children, and elementary school bullying is a different animal.) We aren't at Mentor High so we can't say what the atmosphere there is like. But with four student suicides and multiple people claiming that bullying was a factor, one would think that the matter bears further investigating. That appears to be all the Mohats want. If this lawsuit helps even one child, how can that be a bad thing?

What do you think? Is the family right to sue? Or are they over-reacting?

Brett Singer is the editor-in-chief of DaddyTips.com.

ReaderComments (Page 1 of 2)

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4-03-2009 @ 10:06AM

Jayyy said...

They have every right to sue and an obligation to that poor young man who faced an anguish that many will never experience. I hope they win and that this brings to light the seriousness of bullying and that if new rules are not soon implemented, we are gonna see unprecedented deaths. I speak this and know this as i myself was a victim of intense, savage and furious bullying in my school days back in the 70's when even the topic of bullying was unheard of. I like this young man, attemped suicide. When that didnt work, i made many many attempts throught the years to harm myself. Not really wanting to die at that point, but rather have the pain stop! To this day at 50 years of age, it never did stop. Its forever played out in my mind. I lost my esteem and confidence many years ago back in those threatening school halls. I am a shell of a person but no one lives inside. If these parents can help shed light on a subject that needs immediate action, maybe someone else can be saved. I hope!

4-03-2009 @ 10:10AM

Clarissa said...

The teachers and staff know more than people suspect they do. They hear the stuff that goes ons, they hear the kids being bullied and choose to do nothing about it.

I believe that some teachers think it will make the bullied kid "grow Up", others may think it's just good natured ribbing. But what they don't see is how detrimental it can be to a kid. I was bullied all through school and while I didn't commit suicide I did think of it and often.

Having been bullied still affects me to this day. Low self esteem, fear of meeting new people, fear of being in crowds and more.

Bullying should not be taken lightly. While the bully may find it great fun, the one being bullied does not. And everyone young and old alike has a breaking point. Once that breaking point is reached, you never know what will happen. The kid may snap and murder his or her tormentors or go the other way and commit suicide.

If you are the parent of a bully please do something about it! You may regret it if you don't.

4-03-2009 @ 11:00AM

Karen said...

What I don't understand is why the parentds didn't pull the child out of school? If my child was dealing with unbearable bullying in school, and the school didn't do enough to stop it, I would pull my child out of that school before I'd subject them to that type of behavior on a daily basis. I'd still go after the school for not protecting my child, but I wouldn't continue to send him to a place that was not safe.

I think four suicides are HUGE! I know that suicides inspire copycak behavior in kids, but still - FOUR!

I'm perfectly ok with the parents pursuing this. First and foremost - children must be SAFE at school. Nothing else (good) is accomplished if they children are fearful.

4-03-2009 @ 9:37PM

Leslie said...

As a mother who has been dealing with this for many years now, I can tell you that the parents are not always aware of the extent of the bullying. These kids are made feel weak and helpless, not to mention embarrassed. As a hands on parent, of course I knew that something was wrong, and questioned my son at length as to the problem. He always said he didnt' want me to do anything, that he would handle it, and that my involvement would make it worse. It escalated to the point of my son becoming suicidal and homocidal. My son ended up confiding in a trusted Teacher at school and i recieved a phone call. I spent one of the worst nights of my life signing my son into a facility so he couldn't hurt himself. I found the faculty at the school to be helpful at first, but then they seemed to close ranks to protect the school, instead of my child. The focus was placed on my son's reactions to the bullying, not the bullying itself. My son is forever changed . We have made many changes to his school day, emotional support teams are in place, and counseling, are just some of the things we as parents can do for our children. Hold the school accountable,and don't let up. Keep at them until you and your child feel that the issue is under control. Most of all, love your child and communicate with them. When the couselor asked my son, " When you were at the top of the cliff, why didn't you jump?" he replied, because I knew it would hurt my Mom. Thank God my son knew how much I loved him. I know that is not always enough and some kids still choose suicide, but it sure doen't hurt.

4-03-2009 @ 9:45PM

I'm glad you were able to get some help for your son.

12-08-2009 @ 8:08PM

fishgirl80 said...

I agree with you, Karen. My younger brother was being bullied in middle school, 5th and 6th grade. My parents talked to the principal and vice principal a few times. My parents talked to the parents of the bullies, NOTHING was done.

The principals did nothing to punish the bullies and they actually make snide remarks about the victims. A few kids who were bullied had to transfer schools. This is in a very nice neighborhood, a school district with a high percentage of kids who graduate high school.

My parents finally had enough and pulled him out of that school and put him in a charter school in the beginning of his 7th grade year, that school only 25 has students. My brother loves that school, he's doing so well, has made friends and is happier. Good riddance to those two stinkin' principals who can not run a school!

4-03-2009 @ 11:28AM

LS said...

I stand by my comments from the other day (the discussion on bullying), regardless of how unpopular. We live in a culture of "any kind of violence is bad", and that empowers bullies. We teach our kids to 'turn the other cheek' to the extreme, and often punish the victim for striking out in self-defense the same as we punish the offender, thanks to ridiculous "Zero-tolerance" policies. We make no distinction because "violence is wrong". Well, sometimes it's not.

How would this situation have been different if this young man, at the start of the bullying, had been enrolled in self-defense classes? How would this situation have been different if he had been allowed to strike back in his own defense? How would this situation have been different if he had had the confidence (that those self-defense classes help to build) to stand up to those football players and said, "back the hell off", and been able to physically back up his words?

But no. Society has convinced parents that for any child to fight back is a no-no. We have become such a pansy society that ANY kind of aggression - aside of course, for the name calling on blogs like this one - is evil and wrong, and every child must be treated with lambswool gloves. All are delicate little flowers, and must be treated gently. I'm sorry, but if the school had stepped in early and viciously on these bullies - I'm talking about allowing their victims to strike back, and FAIRLY issuing discipline, including detentions, suspension, expulsion, and law enforcement if necessary - this promising young man may still be alive.

My heart and my prayers are with this family. I hope they wake some people up with this lawsuit. But I fear that it won't be enough, until our society's opinion on this issue changes.

4-03-2009 @ 12:01PM

Bromac said...

You are the biggest name caller of them all.

Do you fully understand what voilence consists of today. I don't know your age, but when I was a kid it went no further than a fist fight. Today there are guns and knives and children can get killed. So, when you encourage your child to fight back, remember that it could cost his/her life. As long as you can live with that........

4-03-2009 @ 12:10PM

So it's better to live in fear? To teach my child to live in fear? To teach him that it is better to live cowering in a corner, afraid of everyone around him, then to stand up for what is right? To stand up and protect himself, defend himself? To stand in defense of others?

I'm sorry, but I do not want to live in that world.

My son is enrolled in self-defense classes. He is learning to defend himself, and those smaller and weaker than himself. He will learn that most bullies are cowards who will back down when met with resistance.

Look at those who have done the majority of the horrors that have happened in schools - Columbine and the like. Those kids weren't the bullies, were they? They were the ones who were picked on and ignored, or told that they shouldn't fight back. So what did they do? They suppressed their anger, allowed the bullies to win every time, and cowered in a corner. Until they exploded, and took other's lives with them.

No, no. I vehemently disagree with you. It is right and just to defend yourself against a bully. And if you have to use the bully's language to defend yourself, then so be it. I'd rather have a couple of kids with bruises and bloody noses than a school with a massacre.

4-03-2009 @ 12:31PM

sorry about the double-post. I have a poltergeist in my house who entertains himself by messing with my internet and burning my dinner.

4-03-2009 @ 1:27PM

jen said...

LS - your son's self-defense classes my help him with self confidence, and perhaps he could protect himself against one or two bullies, maybe even bigger that himself. But in this case, this 112 lb. boy was facing the pack-mentality of an entire football team, who appear to have taken upon themselves to make this boy's life a living hell. Not even a black belt in karate can defend against that. Also, their bullying took the form of mental abuse; dumping stuff on his head, throwing food, etc. If he decided to take a swing at someone, he probably would have been pounded by the entire team, and suspended for initiating the violence. The fact is, one child, even a karate expert, cannot take on a whole group when they decide to make that child a target for their bullying.

I do agree with you that the "zero-tolerance" rule is wrong. It seems a lazy way for the school to deal with tough situations. Instead of really trying to find out what the root of the problem is i.e. bullying, or two kids who just dont get along and ARE both guilty, or one child who is hopped-up on agressive behavior due to karate classes and is looking for an excuse to take a swing if he gets bumped in the hall, etc, they just suspend everyone involved. That is NOT effective at all.

Kirstie said...

LS - thank you for saying what so many are afraid to!

I was bullied as a kid; girls 11-14 are MEAN. My parents answer to me was always that I was never to start a fight, but I was certainly allowed to finish it. Kids need to learn to stick up for themselves and protect themselves NOW. We wonder why our country is in the shape it's in now - we've got a generation of adults who were handed everything, sheltered from the world, and never learned to fend for themselves.

You know what? Kids learn real quick what's right and what's wrong, given the chance. A quick smack right back from the kid you're picking on will teach you that it's not nice to be hit, you can't do as you please, and that there are ways you can and can not behave in regards to other people.

When the time comes that I have children (I'm only 20, too young right now!), you better believe my kids will be taught that self-defense is ALWAYS the right thing to do, as is defending those smaller and weaker then you who can't defend themselves. To sit passively by and let evil happen is just as bad as doing it yourself.

4-03-2009 @ 1:32PM

Mihir said...

LS...i've got the same poltergeist, except he keeps overcooking my fish.

Bromac...yes, violence can escalate further than fist fights now.

but, this is still no reason not to fight back. would you rather live a tortured existence or fight back? i'd choose the latter. it goes back to what LS is talking about. we're constantly instilling so much fear into our kids that they're afraid to react.

and, fighting back can work. when i was 13 (in 1988), i was bullied by a one particular guy in my class. looking back, i think he was mainly doing it to show off to his friends. this mostly consisted of name calling and the occassional shove. on one particular day, i was at school late and was pretty irked to begin with. i was at my locker getting ready to go home. he and a couple of his buddies were walking by and he gave me a shove. i walked up to him, grabbed his shirt, turned him around, threw him against a locker and slammed my fist into the locker right next to his head. i looked him dead in the eye and said, "don't ever touch me again". he never did and the situation never went further.

as a side note, he and I actually became friends 4 years later, and were roommates in college. he once told me that what i did that day made him re-think things. if i, the skinny little indian kid with big glasses and unruly hair, was willing to slam him into a locker, who knows what somebody else might do to him.

we do need to teach kids restraint, but not to the point where they're unwilling (or just too scared) to stand up for themselves. does standing up for yourself always mean a fight? of course not.

4-03-2009 @ 2:04PM

jen... you're right. Once the problem reaches the pack mentality, it's harder to fight against (unless you're Chuck Norris...).

BUT - I'm willing to bet that this didn't start as a pack problem. It most likely started, as most of these situations do, with one-on-one bullying. If this young man had done what Mihir did, and fought back, hard, the problem may have been nipped in the bud. But he wasn't allowed to - and here we are.

I'm not saying that violence is the answer in every situation, as some people may think, but I am saying that removing that solution from a student's 'toolbox' is asking for trouble in a big way.

4-03-2009 @ 1:56PM

kevinkeb4 said...

Bulley's have always been a problem.When I was a freshman,I had very,very good grades.I hung out with the black leather jacket guys and smoked cigarettes to try to fit in.Most of the guys were alright,but there was one who I hated.My average grade was an A- in every class except one.I was taking General science regents,and this was the only class that this bully (Tony Bradley) shared with me.Needless to say,I spent more time worrying about him than doing the required work,so my grade in that class was an F.The only class in High school that I ended up not passing.
Yes,even to the so called "cool" guys,bullys can still be a problem.I felt so lousy all the time,that I just couldn't bear to see any of my "friends" bullying the weaker,smaller kids.There was one guy that my "friends" lured to our hangout on the promise of being a friend,and they beat the daylights out of him.I never said anything to them and to this day ,I still feel very,very terrible about watching them and not standing up for this kid.ALL HE WANTED WAS FRIENDS.

4-03-2009 @ 6:50PM

Anne said...

Bullying is a huge problem and the bullies rarely get their just desserts.
I was TORCHED in high school and the adults all pretended not to see or, if I complained, was told to "shut up and take it like a lady."
My flaws were: tiny boobs, giant zits. I could do nothing about my breast size and back when I was in high school there were nearly no products on the market for acne treatment so I was an oozing, oily, clogged-pores and pimply mess.
I am now in a position of influence in the town I grew up in and it is absolutely SHOCKING how many of my former torturers contact me to ask for the most outrageous favors as though we were best buddies and I owed them.
When I get over my surprise, I ask them what in God's name would make them think I would lift a finger for them and they seem surprised that I wouldn't help a high school "buddy."
In many cases torturing me was such a minor detail in their lives that they actually forgot they threw food at me, slashed my tires, tampered with car (they jimmied the hood and sliced my fan belt, then waved the knife under my nose so I would know who the culprits were), pushed me down steps, ripped my dress right off of me (I stood there in the main hall wearing nothing but my tattered, period-stained panties and yellowed bra held together by safety pins while the quarterback on the football team held my shredded dress laughing; he called me about a month ago and demanded I create a job for his daughter as though he were ordering take-out food and was completely stunned when I told him to shove it).
To top it off, the teachers and administrators who failed me also bug me for favors, acting like they are the ones who got me to where I am today and trying to "cash in" for all their "help."
So the biggest problem in my opinion is that only the victims take it seriously; everyone else sees it as a non-issue and victims are babies who can't grow up and get over it.
That is certainly my experience. Even people who were not involved in bullying me tell me I am over-reacting or snidely tell me to "get therapy" but I bet if anyone did to their daughters what those people did to me, they'd go nuts.

4-27-2009 @ 2:24PM

Donna said...

In response to....So the biggest problem in my opinion is that only the victims take it seriously; everyone else sees it as a non-issue and victims are babies who can't grow up and get over it.
That is certainly my experience. Even people who were not involved in bullying me tell me I am over-reacting or snidely tell me to "get therapy" but I bet if anyone did to their daughters what those people did to me, they'd go nuts.

I have been trying to get over it for 30 years. I still have nightmares about middle school which are grades 6-8 in my home state. So the effects of bullying to my self esteem may never end but the bullies probably don't even remember my name. What happened to karma?

4-28-2009 @ 7:58AM

Chris said...

Right on, Anne and Donna.
I got tortured all the way through school, from kindergarten to senior year for no reason; I never hurt a fly.
One of the other big problems is that teachers and administrators tend to side with the bullies; they think the victims are bringing it on themselves by not conforming and if we'd only shape up and fall in line, the attacks would stop.
In other words, they though bullying was how normal kids herded the freaks into the flock.
The bullies at my school tended to be athletes and of course the school "needed" them so if they started beating the hell out of a nerd, teachers ran into their rooms so they could pretend they didn't see it because no one wanted to suspend the quarterback the day before a big game.
In addition, our high school principal thought he could get peer pressure to do the discipling for him so that idiot honestly thought bullying was part of the cool kids showing the freaks the "way."
I couldn't go to my parents; they did not believe that I was being bullied for no reason and assumed I was an instigator.
Every time they found out about an incident in school, they beat me up again for being an asshole because "only assholes get beat up in school" so instead of protecting me, they joined the fun, thinking they were "beating the jerk out of me."
No one would have known what my personality was even like; no one ever said anything to me in school unless it was an insult or prelude to an attack and I NEVER spoke to anyone so I never had a chance to be a jerk.
Everything Anne and Donna said is true; I was brutalized in school, and all people have to say to me is "get therapy" and roll their eyes. Thirty years later, I am still considered the problem in this picture.
Like Anne, I also have a position of influence now and I am contacted by a parade of former torturers demanding jobs and favors for themselves and now their children. None of them ever seem to remember beating me to within an inch of my life and think I owe them because we were schoolmates.
Not one person ever thought to apologize because they honestly don't think they have anything to apologize for.
I think this ties into adults at school siding with them at the time. Bullying tends to be a crime of opportunity and by not doing anything, adults signal a tacit "OK" so bullies don't think it was a big deal since at the time no adult told them it was.
The biggest bully at my school served time in another state for rape. I can guess what happened; he thought he could do whatever he wanted because no one ever told him he couldn't or didn't give him what he wanted before. He was like a 2-year-old; gimme gimme gimme or I'll beat you and take it anyway.
The problem for him was that while that worked in school, the real world does not let you beat the crap out of a woman and then stick your dick in her.

4-28-2009 @ 8:15AM

There is no karma, Donna.
All of the people who attacked me went on to have normal lives with normal, healthy children.
I had twins; our son died and our daughter is severely handicapped and retarded.
So my attackers were rewarded with happy lives and healthy kids and I was punished a second time and the punishment extended to my innocent children, whose biggest crime was being mine.
God truly plays favorites.

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