Anne Woods: A Weekend for Superheroes
Hugging Banned at Connecticut Middle School
Filed under: In The News
A playground incident between two students prompted the East Shore Middle School in Milford, CT, to ban all touching on school grounds, including hugging.Principal Catherine Williams sent a letter home to parents stating that any touching at school, including "hugging" and "horseplay," could result in disciplinary action ranging from parent conferences to suspension or even expulsion. The extreme and "overly broad" response came after a kick to the groin sent a boy to the emergency room in March. Some parents approve of the ban, but others say kids shouldn't be prevented from enjoying high-fives and handshakes with their pals.
Lenore Skenazy, whose "New York Sun" column about letting her 9-year-old son ride the New York City subway alone caused an uproar among parents last year, says that East Shore's response to the problem of schoolyard violence is a just another case of over-reacting to an isolated incident.
"It's as if your town reacted to a stabbing by saying that going outside was outlawed, instead of outlawing knives," says Skenazy. "It is this huge over-reaction to an unusual event. It is the same thing as this rash of fear over abductions, just because we hear about one abduction in Florida."
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Skenazy is the author of Free Range Kids, a blog about the modern parent's drive to wrap their kids in cotton. The site was born after she was roundly criticized as the "worst mother in the world" for allowing her son a freedom she herself had as a child -- to find his own way home from school. She wrote about the school's no-touching policy and says she received a slew of responses, many of which detailed equally ridiculous school policies.
"I had one guy tell me that fourth-graders at his school can't play football anymore, because one kid tripped and broke his arm," Skenazy says. "The thing is, he wasn't even playing football when he broke his arm. He was doing a victory dance after he scored a touchdown, when he tripped over a tree root and fell. And therefore, the school outlawed football."
While it's easy to see the administrators' viewpoint -- this is, after all, a litigious society -- it is also an integral part of a culture that pats itself on the back for over-reacting to "one in a million incidents," she adds.
Siobhan Connally is a mother of two from Kinderhook, N.Y., who says zero-tolerance policies may be expedient, but they are essentially ineffective. Her daughter, Annabel, will enter kindergarten in the fall, and Connally fears that rules like these will undermine her child's self-confidence.
"School is going to be a very scary place for me when my daughter attends next year, but not because I fear for her safety. I fear for her confidence and her ability to solve problems without sweeping them under a carpet, something I think these blanket bans do," Connally says. "We don't want bad touch, so no touching at all is just throwing the baby out with the bath water. What next, we don't want bad thoughts, so no thinking?"
Connally adds that we don't do our kids any favors when we fail to teach them how to "hash out" run-of-the-mill conflicts. "I think the effect in the long term has been and will continue to be reinforcing the sense of fear and hopelessness, and will keep people from actually learning how to tell the difference between real and perceived danger."
Skenazy agrees, and says that fear-mongering and the "assumption that everything is bad" can only lead to a generation of kids who are afraid of their own shadows. "That is just so upsetting," she says.
I couldn't agree more -- and I'd like to see what those teachers and administrators look like after six months of enforcing this silly policy. Have you ever seen a group of middle-school girls before? They are genetically pre-programmed to hug each other. I think it is going to be a very, very long semester at East Shore Middle School.
Do blanket bans like these solve problems, or are they just a way for schools to avoid tackling the real issues?
| Make problems - how can schools police these policies? | |
|---|---|
| Solve the problem! If you can't touch someone, you can't hurt them! | |
| It's a tough call to make. After all, parents are quick to sue schools these days |
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ReaderComments (Page 5 of 6)
4-06-2009 @ 5:55PM
Ian said...How are children supposed to understand how life works, if you remove all of the challenges, pitfalls, obstacles, injustices and wrongdoings?
These "let's be sensitive to the needs of our children" crap disgusts me, but what really makes me want to hurl is the fact that many or most of you parents are willing to sit there and put up with it. So, when the day comes that your child gets his ass whipped, physically, emotionally, financially, or, whatever...THEN is when you will realize what a horrible mistake you made, by allowing the SYSTEM to turn your child into a pile of useless space, because he or she never learned how to take care of themselves.
Oh...I'm sorry. I forgot. Obama is now on scene to rescue us from ourselves. Forget everything that I just said. Please...continue to enjoy and perpetrate the ruining of your childrens' soon to be pathetic lives.
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4-06-2009 @ 6:05PM
Rachel said...When I was in third grade (I'm in 10th right now) the school all of a sudden (seriously, it was out of the blue) said we weren't allowed to run on the playground, because we might run into the equipment and hurt ourselves. It was so annoying, because we couldn't play tag or anything like that because the only place we were allowed to run was the field and that was used every recess for soccer. There wasn't much we could do and recess wasn't even worth it anymore (with only 10 minutes of recess anyway)
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4-06-2009 @ 6:16PM
Me in Coop said...Did you know that some elementary schools dont allow recess anymore??? Im very scared for our kids and what the world will be like when they get older.
4-06-2009 @ 9:19PM
Alex said...Okay, this is the most STUPID rule I have heard of in today's school system. Hugs and affection are a NEEDED part of a healthy childhood development. If you take away that in the place where kids spend most of their time, WHERE DOES IT HAPPEN? We can't keep cushioning kids because they're kids. They need to learn these life lessons now because sure as hell no one will teach them when they're thrown into the real world. What is wrong in the United States that they ban such innocent things? People need to get a grip on life before it gives them a kick in the ass.
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4-06-2009 @ 6:11PM
Monty said...It's not just the schools who are being "super-nannies". Taken your shoes off at an airport lately? It is this supposedly well-meaning effort by "authority figures" (who USED to work for US) that are taking away our freedom every, single day, to just live normally. I have lived a long time, and I have never seen such an erosion in personal freedom. We are really and truly in deep trouble in this country. I really fear we're too late to do anything about it, too. We've gone from a Republic to an oligarchy in the last 25 years. Very, very sad.
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4-06-2009 @ 6:32PM
Kkristinecutey said...Well, that's different...We take our shoes off because bombs can be hidden in the heal of your shoes.. That's for serious protection!
4-06-2009 @ 6:11PM
Me in Coop said...Yeah, lets teach our kids that they cant show human affection and hug their friends. What a bunch of great adults they will be.
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4-06-2009 @ 6:32PM
Rhonda Jeannine said...Wow......looks like we're raising a bunch of wimps. I pity these kids when they have to get out into the real world....whatever that is!
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4-06-2009 @ 6:37PM
Rhonda Jeannine said...When I was in school, if we did something wrong, we got a paddling in front of the class. And man, did that hurt. But, it certainly got our attention. And if our parents found out about it, we had another paddling waiting at home. It worked though!!!
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4-06-2009 @ 6:59PM
Kent said...Yes Cindy, Administrators are afraid of any parent threatening a lawsuit. Recently I was substituting at Glenview Elementary School in Beaumont CA. It was OK for students to scream obscenities at me and even threaten my life but when I took away a students cell phone and said "pay attention, you need to learn this" I was fired. Why? because so many principals are afraid of the most antagonistic parents who enable the most outrageous behavior on the part of their children.
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4-06-2009 @ 7:00PM
FedUp said...Jen - #12- your response is ridiculous you have no idea the responsibilities the school system demand of EDUCATORS we have been told we have to come in at 5 in the morning so children can be TAUGHT to wash their clothes because PARENTS don't do it, we have institiuted sexual edcucation classes PARENTS don't do it, we are told to teach YOUR children Morals, Mores, and Hygiene because PARENTS don't do it, you people expect us to not only educate your children but raised them teach them right and wrong, babysit them wash behind their ears and disipline them because PARENTS don't do it and you want to know why the quality of educatiopn is going down? Well it is because YOU the parent can't handle life education basic manners, right and wrong to your 2 to possible 4 kids but you expect US to do it it for 6 classes of 30. YOU Take responsibility
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4-06-2009 @ 7:01PM
frieda said...I think that the ban is a good one. I personally don't like to be touched, I think as the result of being "touched" when in third grade by a seventh grader. The touchy feelie bit is too much for some of us. When my youngest was in middle school, I was at the school one day during class change time. They hugging, kissing and going on was out of place to say the least. When I questioned it..the answer I got was what can we do? My answer was...how about a handbook with rules and what is and is not acceptable behavior that the kids and the parents sign off on. Then enforce them and make it stick. I figured it would cut the time between classes from 15 min to 10 allowing for more class time. Then again, I am also in favor of dress codes...certain syles not allowed, clothing must fit and not show butt cracks, underwear, etc. That would also go for the clown makeup as well that many insist on wearing.
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4-06-2009 @ 7:08PM
Kent said...You are absolutely right Rhonda. If only I had been paid for each complaint a parent made for my giving up my recess and keeping their child in my 2nd grade classroom at recess to finish their work. "He's just a little kid" was the number one reason to defend enabling their child to fail to do the work and fail to get the reading skills they needed to get to grade level.
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4-06-2009 @ 7:14PM
Kent said...Actually what Fedup said is true of SOME parents. The problem is that nobody is telling the GOOD parents that those few bad ones are holding administrators, teachers and most importantly other students back because administrators are too terrified to deal with them.
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4-06-2009 @ 7:20PM
Anna said...In the past everybody knew the rule in school: ' Keep Your Hands To Yourself".
Hugging and showing affection at home is healthy and desirable, but not appropriate at school.
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4-06-2009 @ 7:17PM
Kent said...Think of the trials blind Helen Keller struggled with as a child and the unapologetic world she grew up in and then listen with your heart to what she says about childhood dangers in growing up:
"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
Security does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure."
- Helen Keller
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4-06-2009 @ 7:40PM
Jeff Moore said...SO......KISSING IS COMPLETELY OUT OF THE QUESTION?
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4-06-2009 @ 7:49PM
Jon said...They used to tell us hugs, not drugs, now it seems to be the other way around. How sad when the PC police destroy everything they touch.
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4-10-2009 @ 8:48AM
Feather said...My high school has a no PDA rule which is understandable, not everyone wants to watch two kids make out in the hallway. I gave my friend a hug cause she was crying (mind you I'm a girl) and one teacher freaked out because it was PDA.
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4-06-2009 @ 8:02PM
heather said...To all you teachers out their, You are telling everyone on here that you did not have that one teacher that showed you that little extra effort and showed you human emotion and it had no effect on weather you became a teacher or not. My point is that person did not just TEACH you they cared about you well being all around and that helped you become who you are today. And when you say "WE ARE JUST PAID TO TEACH ENG MATH ect NOT AND THING ELSE" I say bull these kid look up to you,as you looked up to your teachers. As adults and in your position over these kids it's your duty to help them grow.
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