First Born Kids Get More Mom Time
Categories: Babies, Siblings, Development
Hey, all you little brothers and sisters! Looking for ammunition against your parents? It's your lucky day -- a new study out of Brigham Young University shows that first-born kids get as much as 30 minutes more quality face-time with mom and dad than do second children.Most birth-order research focuses on how it can determine children's personality traits later in life, and studies bear out the common stereotypes: the oldest child is generally smart and ambitious, while later-born kids are often more liberal, rebellious, and flexible.
And lo, the guilt! Now I know for sure that the baby won't have all the advantages of our oldest. Scientific proof that second kids totally get the shaft, and it can only lead to a life of crime. Especially because second children are often winners in the discipline lottery: another study notes that parents are more relaxed -- and lax -- the second time around.
We had our second child eight months ago, nearly four years after the birth of our daughter. We dote on both the kids, but the big girl definitely got more one-on-one time with both of us, with every mewl and giggle getting our full attention. But the baby? What, he's eating paper? Eh, it's just fiber, won't hurt him.
My family of origin is a perfect example of birth-order politics. As the eldest, I'm a very traditional kind of gal with a stick-in-the-mud attitude, while my middle sister is the peacemaker. My brother, they baby of our family, is the outlaw. While I only have two, I can definitely see my kids playing out these classic roles. This study opened my eyes to the ways I short-change the baby, and I plan to carve out more time for one-on-one interaction with him.
Are you the responsible older sibling, or the carefree wild-child baby of the family? How does birth order influence your kids?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
v 4-13-2009 @ 11:44PM
We have a 5 y.o. daughter and have twins on the way... wonder how those dynamics will all work out! I am an "only" and my husband is a non-sterotypical youngest of three. Him and his eldest brother were backwards. The eldest was the rebel, got into trouble, etc. The middle followed the oldest and also got into a lot of trouble. The youngest was solid, responsible, conservative, and a rule-follower. Go figure. As an "only", I think I am in for a crash course in sibling rivalry!
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Jennie 4-14-2009 @ 2:38AM
I think it is all well and fine to arm your self with information on how to better yourself as a parent. However I think sometimes we play into saying, well that’s how it is, the baby will be rebellious the oldest will be responsible. I am the mother of six, yes you heard right, six. While I know that my time has been split and yes my oldest did have more time, I try really hard to have a different and meaningful relationship with each of my children. My kids are all so different and all have different needs and desires. I think it is important to foster those differences, embrace each ones individual talents and nurture their dreams. I do different things with each child. They are not threatened or feel left out because I have tailored my interactions to fit each one of their personalities. I think it we stop concerning our selves with making equal time making equal experiences for each child and instead making the time with each meaningful, where the child knows that this is their thing we will have happier kids in the long run. Wow I really didn't mean to come of preachy. This is of course a nerve of guilt all good parents have. I am the middle child of 4 and yes I see some of that. I hate though that there are books out there saying the second one or the youngest gets shortchanged, that just adds to our guilt before the baby is even here. Love, devotion, loyalty, and encouragement! We all need to give ourselves a little break and know if we are really doing our best, everything will follow.
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Sandyone 4-14-2009 @ 9:52AM
Whomever happens to be my baby gets the most attention. Not only do I spend most of my time nursing and holding the baby, but the big siblings also spend lots of time with the baby. With my first few kids, I just let all that development happen and just took it for granted. With my last few (yup, another mom of six), I love to watch them grow and develop. I'm more 'present', if you will, for my youngers and I pay more attention. Should make for interesting birth order dynamics in our family!
As for the questions...I'm the 5th of 7 kids, and the 3rd daughter. I'm often mistaken for a first-born, sometimes as a lastborn. The baby in our family is the picture-perfect firstborn. So, I dunno...all the birth order stuff is interesting, but by no means is it destiny.
My kids loosely follow the stereotypes. We'll see how it plays out.
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Anne 4-18-2009 @ 7:21PM
Under normal circumstances this is the second time a child is born, the child can be with small children, their sense of time with less.
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