Heather Armstrong on Parenting, PPD, and Her Love for Brad Pitt
Filed under: Books for Parents

These days, Dooce.com is one of the web's most popular personal blogs, with an average of 5 million readers each month, and Armstrong, a former Mormon who lives in Salt Lake City, Utah, is one of the most recognizable faces in the blogosphere. She is also mom to a 5-year-old daughter, Leta, and is awaiting the birth of her second child, also a daughter, due in June. And she's written a New York Times bestseller, It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, A Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita, which chronicles her struggle with post-partum depression.
Armstrong's book, which draws heavily on posts from her blog, was inspired by the response of readers who followed the story of her post-baby breakdown. "I got a lot of emails from women who said, 'Thanks for writing this, my sister doesn't really use the Internet, can I print out what you wrote and send it to her?'" Armstrong says. "I thought, there's probably an audience of women who need this story."
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Celebrity Parent Quotes
"The key to beauty is always to be looking at someone who loves you. Henry, who can't say all the words...sometimes he'll see me and go, "Ma-ma!" and throw himself on me. Or Finn says he likes my earrings. Or Hazel will say, "You look pretty, Mama," first thing in the morning...They're seeing the things that [my husband] does.
The coolest thing you can do for your children is to love each other in their presence." -
Julia Roberts
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"I'm like an alcoholic. It's like, I don't care if I cry, I don't care if I'm fat, I'm just gonna do it for one more week, one more month, and then, when I see how much good it is doing her, I can't stop. It's a very powerful thing you know."
Salma Hayek
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"My first job in all honesty is going to continue to be mom-in-chief," she said, "making sure that in this transition, which will be even more of a transition for the girls ... that they are settled and that they know they will continue to be the center of our universe."
Michelle Obama
"I think I'm a pretty cool dad."
Barack Obama
"There is no such thing as 'fun for the whole family.'"
Jerry Seinfeld
"Sometimes I end up having to wipe my son's nose on my shirt, so it can't be silk and cost $800."
Keri Russel
"Apparently, I get facials and manicures all the time. I read this and think, 'Oh, I wish I did that!' I don't think I've had a facial since I was 19. When I shave my legs, I use my child's shampoo and a razor -- if I can find one. If I did everything they said I did, I would never see [my daughter] Lily."
Kate Beckinsale
"I think our kids will look back on all that as being really funny when they get older, because they think of us as being really dorky -- in fact, the dorkiest people on the planet! We are very much just parents together, although we have moments of being sexy and fun, and I do find him very sexy, obviously. I believe we are together for all the other reasons."
Angelina Jolie, on being "sex symbol" parents
"Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head."
Carol Burnett
"We found a great rhythm. Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music."
Matthew McConaughey, on the birth of his son Levi.
This time, though, Armstrong is confident that things will be different. "I feel so much more ready for it," Armstrong says of the post-baby anxiety. "I have put physical things in place in my offline life" to prevent the collapse that followed Leta's birth. The biggest change this time around is that Armstrong's husband, Jon, will be working from home rather than driving away to an office every day. "There's an actual physical person who will be in my house with me," Armstrong says. "I'm not scared at all."
Having her husband at home has been the biggest payoff of Armstrong's blogging success. In September of 2005, Jon Armstrong quit his job; since then, he has helped Heather manage the website. But Armstrong loves having her husband work at home for more personal reasons. "It's given my husband a chance to have a relationship with our daughter that he wouldn't have had," she says. Armstrong's success as a writer and blogger has given her family an opportunity that few have, to be together all the time, and has allowed her husband to be a full-time father to their daughter. For Armstrong, that matters more than anything.
What fascinates Dooce readers more than anything, though, is the financial success of Armstrong's blog. Last week, Oprah Winfrey announced that Armstrong earns $40,000 a month on the advertising at her web site. Armstrong calls this number "inaccurate" and "grossly inflated," and says that the talk of her earnings is her least favorite part of her work. "It's no one's business," Armstrong says, adding, "it's not polite to talk about money where I come from." But she understands the fascination with her earnings; blogging, she says, is a new medium, and "If that number is real, then holy shit!" What is the most remarkable, of course, is that Armstrong has made a career -- and a successful one -- out of writing about her family, telling the same stories that all mothers tell about their babies. Her success, both as a blogger and as an author, validates all those stories in ways that nothing else does.
For Armstrong, blogging isn't about being famous or making a living; it's about telling a story. "I come from a long line of Southern storytellers who like to sit around and make each other laugh. This was the perfect medium," she says. "I am so lucky to be able to do that for a living; it's one of the greatest joys in my life to be able to do that. I imagine sitting around with my family and trying to make my brother laugh, because he has this great laugh."
Leta's birth morphed Armstrong from cutting edge blogger to mom blogger overnight, much to the dismay of some Dooce readers, who vocally expressed their displeasure. These days, Armstrong says, her readers are primarily women; based on turnout during her recent book tour, lots of those women are pregnant. "I signed someone's belly in Seattle," she says with a laugh. But while Heather Armstrong may be the Internet's most famous mommy blogger, she's not handing out parenting advice. "I only give parenting advice when people ask me," she says, "because I wanted to punch people in the face when they gave me advice." What's the worst advice she ever got? "Oh all you need to do is sleep when they sleep! It does not happen that way. You get to a point where that kid doesn't take but a fifteen minute catnap," she says, slipping into her famous Southern drawl.
What about the best advice? Still laughing, Armstrong admits that her favorite piece of parenting advice came from Brad Pitt. "They had just brought Zahara home," she says, and she read an interview with Pitt, who said "Here's the thing with kids; you've got to give them warning." That little piece of wisdom was the key, Armstrong says. "I don't know why we hadn't though about that before," she says, "it changed our lives." They give Leta, now five, a heads up for everything, and life goes smoothly. "I have a huge place in my heart for Brad Pitt, and not just because he's so sexy," Armstrong confesses.
As she looks forward to the arrival of her new baby, Armstrong says that her biggest concern is "folding her into my work schedule." That, and naming the baby. "I would tell you what we're naming her, but Jon hasn't made up his mind. We're going to be that couple who leaves the hospital with an unnamed baby. I can't believe we're going to be that couple," Armstrong laughs.

















ReaderComments (Page 2 of 3)
4-13-2009 @ 4:35PM
dani said...So she broke down... wrote about it... and now makes money. Wow. Wish I was that smart. I broke down after having TWO BABIES - twins are stressful - plus my husband is out of the house for over 12 hours a day, no family or friends to help. Plus, I am probably older than her - 40s - but I've dealt with it. Yes, it is scary but this is what you chose to do... become a mommy.
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4-13-2009 @ 7:34PM
Bunny said...I don't understand all the negativity towards Heather Armstrong. Are you people just jealous of someone else's sucess? Yes, she writes about being a mom--isn't being a Mother the biggest job in the world? Dooce has created a village for herself and other Mothers that honestly chronicles the hilarious and the hurst of being a parent. If her blogs about Post Partum Depression help even one woman get through PPD without harm to herself or her child, isn't it a blessing that she is posting? I don't know why you feel it necessary to cut someone down for doing what she loves and OMG! Making Money At It! Shouldn't we, as parents, support anyone who finds a way to have both parents in the home and has created a wonderful support system for themselves? Yes, parenting is hard--and Heather's writing has sometimes been the only laughter I've had in a day of stressful parenting. Drop your insecurities and feelings of jealousy at her sucess--drop by her site and maybe you'll learn something or have a laugh of your own. Good parents support each other, are there for each other, help each other. That is all Heather is doing--and doing it exceptionally well.
4-13-2009 @ 7:39PM
Catherine said...Such a hard, cold line....I suspect this comes from the hurt you experienced because you were without any help?
I raised five with a father who was almost never there, and I have compassion for this very confused girl who writes only marginally well.
The world is hard enough as it is - God knows, we need softness, not criticism.
4-13-2009 @ 8:29PM
dani said...Ladies, it's not jealousy. I'm not being hard on her. I didn't cut her down, Bunny. My point is that we all have been there. Raising children is very hard... no matter if our husbands or boyfriends are there or not... no matter if we have help or not, Catherine.
And, I have visited her site. Not impressed.
Kudos to Heather and her success. I hope she really does help some women out there.
By the way, ladies, an opinion is an opinion. That is what comments are for. Don't take any opinions to heart.
4-14-2009 @ 6:30AM
susan said...Dani,
I think I agree with you on a whole. I also had trials and tribulations at motherhood but insteand of turning to what seems to be an imaginary friend, I turned to real live, skin and blood, friends to vent to and ask opinions. It makes my wonder what age her fan base is? In a way I think the whole think is sad.. As for Heather, if she managed to make $40,000 a month on other people, good for her..Keep writing and when life gets boring, make it up as you go!!
4-13-2009 @ 4:53PM
Marla said...She's my blogging hero. And she manages to do it all and look hot. Bitch.
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4-13-2009 @ 4:47PM
Brandi said...For everyone who says "big deal" or she needs to get over it, obviously you are men and not women. You have no idea what women go through while pregnant and after. The emotions can overwhelm you especially with PPD. How dare you judge and not have any idea what it is like. I wish all of you who talk down on her could go through what she went through and still have the same opinion because guess what ass holes, you wouldn't.
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4-13-2009 @ 5:17PM
Shannon said...You are so right about that! Never judge another till you've waddled a mile in her slippers.
4-13-2009 @ 4:49PM
jbmeyer82 said...I LOVE the things Heather writes. She is not only a strong woman for coming out and allowing to tell her story for women who have been told time and time again that seeing a Dr. during PPD is wrong but letting the world know it's okay.
I enjoyed reading her book and wasn't introduced to her site until I read the book. I find her hilarious. I am currently pregnant and after reading so many books written by men who think they know what it feels like I finally got to read one coming from a REAL woman, not some Dr. She gives it to you like it really is with some humor along with it.
I suggest her book for anyone who is thinking of having a child, pregnant or even has children already.
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4-13-2009 @ 4:50PM
KatyaJ said...Personally, I'm not the biggest Dooce fan, even though I'm technically her target audience. You want a hilarious, heartfelt book about anxiety and raising kids? PREGNANT PAUSE by Carrie Friedman. She wrote a article for Newsweek a couple years ago and this is based on that. A-mazing.
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4-13-2009 @ 5:16PM
Shannon said...I hope you're using one of those hands to smack yourself for being so bitter.
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4-13-2009 @ 7:39PM
Sarah said...Kel, I just find it typical when a religious idiot thinks people are selfish for reaching out for help in a form other than an imaginary friend. Kel needs to learn how to connect with reality. You SERVE some fictional entity who demands you live your life the way they say you must in order to be rewarded when you die. How is that not SELFISH? It's pretty self centered to paint yourself as a saint because you had no one to help you out when you obviously still need it.
At least that woman sought help when she needed it instead of saying her god told her to drown her baby in a bathtub or put it in an oven. If you don't like it then don't read it. There's a saying about religious people. "You can talk to (insert deity here) all you want - but they day they start talking back to you is not a good one." Faith is for the weak and gullible.
I had never heard of this person before and I won't read her blog just because of Oprah. There are religious idiots and then are people who can think for themselves.
She's making money sharing her life with others, it's a pretty nice business deal but I don't care to read about it.
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4-13-2009 @ 6:11PM
Kimberly2 said...Never heard of her!
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4-13-2009 @ 6:22PM
Rai said...Mormons don't have tons of wives...one to be exact. I should know I am LDS or Mormon. Maybe you should check your facts before writing things on a public site.
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4-13-2009 @ 6:42PM
DiDe said...what a shame to have some one like you to write such an answer.. America is beautiful, because we have so many people like you who goes to school, and they know to write and spell, but have no idea about the life.
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4-13-2009 @ 6:42PM
Nicole said...I don't think she brags about what she has, although she has every right to, I think she found something she was really good at and went for it. I say good for her!
If your husband works away from home a lot and you're dealing with children by yourself maybe you should examine your life and see how to fix your issues. She apparently did and is now reaping the rewards.
I highly recommend her site for an excellent guilt-less pleasure!
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4-13-2009 @ 7:09PM
moggit girls said...We smell a reality show in the works....
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4-13-2009 @ 7:26PM
kate Kostamo said...what happened to American women who could pick up life by the bootstraps...and couldn't write every feeling and remorse - how blessed to have a child - relish in the magic - don't worry about sleep and your personal needs - a husband at home 24-seven - what's with that? Mine traveled much of the time and I lived on a boat with a 2-year old in the Delta fog - make the best of it! Wish I had income from the internet - but then, I didn't have internet where I lived!
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4-13-2009 @ 7:08PM
Taylor said...Hey no one is making you read the blog! It's just a story. If she wants to write and people want to read it, then shut the hell up and stop bitching. Obviously whatever she's doing has helped her, and obviously what helped her is helping other people as well. Instead of bitching about how everyone has problems, why don't you all be happy for her success? She isn't blowing people up or shooting people or taking their money, so I don't see why people need to be unnecessarily mean. Make love, not rude comments.
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4-13-2009 @ 7:14PM
WordEditing said...Dear usingmyhands:
You level of compassion is truly amazing. Having a breakdown is not weakness, but since you seem to know everything....hopefully, you will never join the ranks of motherhood.
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