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Lose Your Temper, Lose Your Kid
Categories: Kids 8-11, Development, In The News
Every parent worries about being a good enough mom or dad, and we all make mistakes. But could a simple mistake be the reason our kids get taken away?
She was having a difficult morning and her eight-year-old son wasn't helping matters by refusing to get dressed for school. Unfortunately, the 42-year-old British mother, whose identity is being withheld by the courts, responded by smacking her son twice on the shoulder with a hairbrush. Sadly, she did so hard enough that the boy was still in pain when he arrived at school. Seeing this, one of the boy's teacher's contacted child protective services.
The boy was placed in foster care and the mother was charged with assault. After admitting that she had a "moment of madness," the mother ended up pleading guilty to the charges. She is now only allowed to see her son for two hours a week. Her lawyer noted that she was the boy's only caregiver despite being sick for the past two years. He explained that she "lost her temper, and struck the child twice, but immediately apologised afterwards."
In England, hitting a child hard enough to bruise is illegal, but lesser blows are permitted. The mother is going to take an anger management course voluntarily and will be sentenced later this month. A spokesman for the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children applauded the actions of the local government, saying "Nobody could get away with hitting an adult with a hairbrush, so they should not be able to get away with hitting a child with one. There is a danger that the use of physical punishment by parents and carers can escalate, and may result in serious harm to a child."
On the one hand, I can certainly understand a parent's frustration -- and one solitary incident does not a child abuser make. On the other hand, I don't believe spanking is an effective punishment for kids. The danger of further abuse, however, must be weighed against the trauma of being taken from one's parent. At eight years old, surely the kid is better off with his mother rather than the foster system? Unless the mother has exhibited habitual abuse -- and I don't think this counts as one incident of abuse, really -- the child ought to be with his mother. As strongly as I oppose corporal punishment, I oppose taking children from their parents more so, especially in a situation like this.
Certainly, an anger management course is not unreasonable, even if this is an isolated incident. Better safe than sorry, of course. But taking her child away and possibly sentencing her for a crime seems rather excessive. Are we all such perfect examples of "Leave It To Beaver" parents that we are in no danger of making a mistake like this woman did?
Do you think one incident should be grounds for having your children taken away? Was this abuse or a simple parenting mistake? Or did the mother do the right thing in administering some discipline?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Linda 4-14-2009 @ 2:59PM
This mother did not discipline her son she lost her temper. That said -she should not lose custody for one incident but there probably have been other times. She should be given the help she needs to be a better Mom and keep the family together. Angermanagement is a good place to start and maybe some family counseling.
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Hillary 4-14-2009 @ 4:06PM
It's a good idea to get the mom help. I think taking away the child is extreme, but if it's tempoary better safe then sorry. I laughed a little because my mom broke several brushes and wooden spoons across my butt growing up. The only thing it taught me was to run away from my mom fast of I did something wrong.
I hope this family can learn from this and move forward.
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Judy 4-14-2009 @ 9:13PM
Let me see. What is possibly more damaging. Being smacked with a hairbrush or losing a mother. Funny thing is, if the kid had never gotten dressed for school, she probably would have gotten in trouble for his missing school and possibly lost her job.
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Holly 4-15-2009 @ 12:58AM
Ah, the CPS at it's finest.
In a way, I'm glad that CPS stepped in, and I guess it's just jealousy, because after 10 years of physical abuse and 2 years of sexual, I have finally just left my house since CPS has ignored my photos of bruises and recounts of my stepfather negotiating with me on if I would walk around the house naked for $100.
By the same token, this is a little too much, since I have seen children whine and complain about pains when people who were there when the pain was inflicted have stated that it wasn't that much. Like the cliche that all teenagers lie, there is the cliche that younger children exaggerate. If there was a bruise, I would fully back CPS for there actions. If there wasn't a bruise, I think that the loss of her son for the time is hard enough on her, and would also be hard on the son. Therefore, let her pay a fine to the government and end it at that.
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Sandyone 4-14-2009 @ 10:02PM
"Bruising" is a really stupid standard. Some people bruise easily, some people don't. There are some medications that lead to easy bruising.
They could fill an entire landfill with the brushes and wooden spoons that were broken on kids' butts.
This particular incident definitely warranted an investigation, but if they found nothing more than this one incident, the case should be closed. Mark your calendar...Roger and I agree!
Moral of the story...keep your kid home sick if you do something stupid, because even the folks who know how minor it is to break a brush/spoon on a kid will say that it's ok to take the kid away from mom for this incident.
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Pavlina 4-14-2009 @ 9:51PM
hmmm, I don't know. My daughter screams and yells I am hurting her when I hold her hand at the shops, so maybe that boy was acting up for attention. Hard to say without the whole story.
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Yvonne 4-15-2009 @ 9:48AM
I was spanked when I was growing up. And thinking about it, there were times I deserved it.
I also spanked by children when they disobeyed or were being disrespectful. I nor my childeren turned out to be seriel killers. The line between decipline and child abuse has been blurred for too long. No wonder you have teenage hooligans in high schools telling the teachers what to do. No respect for laws, rules, and elders in this country.
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Anne 4-16-2009 @ 3:07AM
Indeed, the temper of children is of no use, but to understand the perspective of parents, sometimes children really angry parents, parents also need to give vent to their feelings, but as far as possible in front of the children to exercise restraint.
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henry 4-26-2009 @ 5:47PM
I believe the most impostat thing ins child's temper. Anythinh else make more sense.
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GMS 6-11-2009 @ 10:20AM
My worst nightmare: having a child taken away. This is definitely the wrong solution. The mom is showing awesome open-mindedness and humility by taking classes. I hope she gets her son back soon, but I doubt he will ever lose the scars of being taken from her. He would have forgotten about the brush incident, but not the forced seperation. I agree that this wasn't discipline. She will learn that discipline is to be administered in love. An 8 year old is too old to spank (and this wasn't a spanking). A spanking is on the butt, and should not be given in anger. It's obvious this boy wasn't given corporal punishment on a regular basis, because if he had he wouldn't have been so disagreeable. He would be too afraid. Physical punishment causes children to live in fear of their parents. I hope he is reunited with his mother very soon.
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