Mom Says Get Out, Drives Off

by Roger Sinasohn (Subscribe to Roger Sinasohn's posts) Apr 27th 2009 2:00PM

How frustrated do you have to be to drive off and leave your children behind on a street corner? One mom found out.

Madlyn Primoff, a 45-year-old partner in a Manhattan law firm, did what many parents -- myself included -- often threaten: she pulled her car over, told her kids to get out, and drove off, leaving them behind. She is now facing a charge of endangering a child after leaving her 10- and 12-year-old daughters in a White Plains, New York business district. Apparently, the girls had been arguing and Primoff couldn't take it anymore.

What kind of mother would do that? According to her lawyer, Primoff "is a great mother connected with a great family." The lawyer also noted that Primoff "is grateful for the outpouring of support from friends and family." Nonetheless, police say she abandoned her daughters about three miles from their house; her older daughter made it home while the younger daughter was picked up by a "Good Samaritan."

Primoff called police to report her 10-year-old as missing, but was told to go to the police headquarters in White Plains. When she did, she was arrested. She is now barred from contact with her kids, at least temporarily. Primoff pleaded not guilty to the charges.

Now, we've all felt the way Primoff must have; I know that "I'll let you out and you can walk home!" is heard at least once a trip when I'm driving the kids. I've even gone so far as to pull over and open the van door. Actually letting them out, however is a whole other matter. And driving off, well, that's just plain criminal. The White Plains police apparently agree.

Would you ever kick your kids out of the car? Would you let your pre-teens find their own way home? Was this a case of a mother pushed past her limit or criminal negligence?

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Comments (50)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)

SKL 4-27-2009 @ 2:08PM

What 10-year-old can't walk 3 miles? My 2-year-olds can walk farther than that. Unless it was the middle of the night or her kid has a disability, this woman did nothing wrong. Losing a free ride due to obnoxious behavior is a perfectly reasonable lesson.

Brittany 5-02-2009 @ 9:03AM

You would honestly let your daughter walk home 3 miles unattended and not think anything of it? That's about as stupid as I think a parent can get. Maybe back when my grandparents were young, sure it would have been all right. Today even a grown woman can get abducted or hurt walking 3 miles home or anywhere for that matter. There's nothing wrong in them walking that far as the distance but I DARE you to look at how many sex offenders live within 3 miles of your home and tell me you still think the same.

Kriss 4-27-2009 @ 2:39PM

Yes, I think she should be rewarded for making them walk home! Three miles is not too far to walk, providing they knew the way home. Parents today are afraid to discipline their children for fear of this very thing. I work at a school and I can tell you we can’t make the kids listen at school if there is no discipline at home. I’m sure the kids will remember it next time she says “stop bickering or you’ll walk home!”

LS 4-27-2009 @ 2:39PM

I agree with SKL. At first, I was on the "jump on the mother" bandwagon... until I read that the kids are 10 and 12, and that it was only 3 miles from home. Please. I walk my DOG farther than that every day.

What I want to know is, why did she then call and report her child missing? And why is nobody horrified that the 10-year-old was "picked up by a 'good samaritan' "? Aren't strangers the enemy? What was this girl doing, getting into a car with a stranger?

SKL 4-27-2009 @ 2:55PM

Maybe when her older kid came home alone, possibly with the report that the younger one had gotten into a car with someone, and too much time had passed, the mom thought her kid had been kidnapped.

I agree, the "good Samaritan" should not have picked up this girl in the first place, and shouldn't have dropped her off at the police station. The only way I could see this as being OK is if the girl didn't know how to get home, which I find very unlikely. Furthermore, why didn't the cops call the mom at once instead of waiting for her to call them? Meddling jerks.

Rob O. 4-27-2009 @ 3:02PM

I think this is an excellent learning opportunity if handled correctly - which would include dropping the kid in a more controlled environment. Or at least, I'd want to be certain that I (or a trusted friend) can steathily keep an eye on the wanderer to ensure that the kid's never in any danger.

SKL 4-27-2009 @ 3:05PM

And by the way, why would you make an empty threat like that? What's that gonna teach them? Wait til your kids are 10 and 12 and you'll find out.

Another aside - I peeked at the article and they made a big deal out of how rich this woman is. What does that have to do with anything? How many poor kids have been known to walk 3 miles in a day and does that make their mothers criminals too?

Bhcolin 4-27-2009 @ 4:41PM

I admit I'm only a Uncle, but I care for my niece and nephew during the day.

Umm, I'm actually shocked reading the comments. Have people not heard of pedophiles and kidnappers. What if the good samaritan wasn't so good and snatched the 10 year old. There's no telling what could happen to this child just three miles from home. If the child is that unruly would they stay out of traffic- or get hit by a car? Too much can happen. Too much is at risk, in my opinion.

Again, I'm an Uncle and the kids go home to their parents at the end of the day, but I'd never risk their safety.

I mean pull over, get out of the car calm yourself. Get the kids out and talk to them. Or gee your 3 miles from home, get home and take care of the situation

Maybe I'm crazy but I don't get it

Uly 4-27-2009 @ 7:20PM

Most kidnappers are family members. Most pedophiles are ALSO family members, or else close neighbors, religious figures, teachers, family friends, or other people known to the child.

So no, I'm not afraid of strangers. Despite the catchy rhyming slogan, there IS no stranger danger. 90% of molester target children they know - and, in fact, crimes against children (along with ALL violent crimes) have been dropping steadily for the past few decades.

Yes, it is officially a safer world than when I was a child.

BHcolin 4-27-2009 @ 10:44PM

fine Uly -I'll go with that 90% of those crimes are by people children know. Well that leaves 10%, do you really want to risk that? Do you want that to be the time your lesson goes horribly wrong when it could be dealt with in a safer way.

I stated my thoughts - you disagree and I realize many here do but I don't think a child safety should be risked.
If the child is that unruly how do you trust them to get home. Maybe they'd stay away for spite, get hit by a car any number of things could go wrong. I believe it was poor judgement - again maybe I'm wrong but it's what I think.

Uly 4-28-2009 @ 2:16AM

Given that less than 2000 children a year are abducted by strangers at all - and that of those, the vast majority are returned unharmed? Out of a country with 75 MILLION children under the age of 18?

Yes, yes, I'm perfectly happy to risk that. In fact, the children were safer outside the car than inside it - about 5 thousand children a year die in car crashes in the US. In fact, vehicular accidents - and that's with the kid INSIDE the car - are a leading cause of death for children under the age of 15. Stranger abduction simply isn't. (And let's not even count the number of non-fatal yet still debilitating car accidents that happen yearly.)

I disagree because you are speaking without possession of all - or, it seems, ANY - of the facts. Do some research and then come talking.

John 5-01-2009 @ 5:05PM

I'm sorry you see it this way. The risk of being drowned in your own bathtub is probably higher than the risk of a child getting kidnapped from the street. We've become this crazy paranoid society that is scared of letting children do ANYTHING. Its just 3 miles for God's sake, and its not some deserted neighborhood. Although I did squirm at the ride taken by the younger child. That is something she should be taught not to do.

BHcolin 5-01-2009 @ 7:05PM

again I admitted I could be wrong.

Here's the thing, maybe as an Uncle I just don't take the risks a parent would. I wouldn't ever want something to happen on my watch. Yes, I realize that kids can get hurt anywhere (bathtub, riding in a car, at the park etc.). I just don't think you need to do something like this.
Three miles, not much everyone seems to say. But if the kids are not behaving and aren't following rules what makes you think they would out on the streets. The one child did get in a car with a stranger, so obviously that child didn't pay attention to the don't get into a car with strangers rule. Of course I know Uly thinks we live in a perfect world now - but not all strangers are good. Checked the sex offenders registered in White Plains and at least 30 live and work in that area. Plus I looked up the streets on google earth and it seemed to be a pretty high traffic area. So the kids don't follow your rules, well maybe they'd walk into traffic and get hit by a car.
The older one didn't stay with the younger child, which also seems to be a problem. Yes the child could of went into a store and called the mother - but they didn't.

I never said the mother should lose her children. I thought she had poor judgement. Pull over, talk to the kids. Get home and take away some privileges.

I was a good kid growing up, and think I've become a good man. As a kid I just didn't do anything that would of resulted in this kind of punishment. God knows how long it would of taken me to get home 3 miles. I didn't do well in my mile run in gym class.

really I was just shocked at the overwhelming support of this idea.

just my thoughts

EH 4-27-2009 @ 5:59PM

Obviously THIS 10-year old couldn't walk 3 miles as she got in the car with a "Good Samaritan" i.e. stranger.......I love how the good samaritan gets called a "meddling jerk" for the mother's heat of the moment decision...if this was a safe lesson then the kid would not have ended up at the police station and the mom arrested. 3 miles was plenty of space for her child to get picked up by a stranger...that's the point.

SKL 4-27-2009 @ 9:28PM

So the children are now better off because they have been taken out of their mom's custody for who knows how long?

EH 4-28-2009 @ 2:42PM

Her 10 year old got in a car with a stranger...enough said...

lucy 4-27-2009 @ 7:33PM

So this is what happened, the kids misbehaved and the mom made them walk as their punishment. What am I missing??? Where is the illegal activity???
I think this story getting blown WAY our of proportion! They are 10 and 12!! Come on.

Kirstie 4-27-2009 @ 7:36PM

My mom did this to my brother and I when we were younger; I was about 10, so he was 7. We were pinching each other, yelling, the whole nine yards, and she asked us to stop several times, threatening to leave us on the side of the road. When we ignored her, that was that - she pulled over and told us to get out! We were only about 3 blocks from our house and she left us in front of our church, but still - taught us a lesson! It scared my brother REAL good. I was a sass even then, and I remember looking at my brother, taking him by the hand, and going "No crying! We'll just walk home!" and starting to make our way down the block.

My mother came right back for us, though - she merely drove out of sight, made a u-turn in a friend's driveway, and picked us back up. We learned not to fight in the car, to listen to our mother, and no one went to jail/was permanently 'scarred'. Not to mention that I was allowed to ride my bike further than this to a friend's house at this point.

Mary Sullivan 5-05-2009 @ 9:07PM

3 blocks--yes. 3 miles--no. The biggest issues here IMO are a) the girls didn't stay together--I interviewed a pediatrician once for a mag. article who said instead of "don't talk to strangers," he tells them "don't talk to strangers ALONE"...they're less likely to be targeted if they're with another kid(s). And b) as others pointed out, the 10 y.o. got in a car with a stranger. Every kid need to know **never** to get in a car with someone they don't know. Uly's stats are good--I've seen similar research. But 3 miles to me is too far.

I almost made my kids get out and walk the other day when they were fighting, but it was only 3 blocks from home, and they too are 10 (twins) and 12. No problem with doing that. Three miles alone would be out of my comfort zone at this point--but then again, our whole town is only about 3 square miles. If we lived in a rural area and the kids were used to walking several miles to school every day, it might be different.

Mary
http://www.squidoo.com/fiveminutebrownie

Dawn 4-28-2009 @ 2:11PM

This mom may very well have been following the advice given in a book called Parenting with Love and Logic. It's used in some states, and by some school districts, in parenting classes. The book suggests this exact course of action when children are being horribly disruptive and distracting in the car. Of course, they also make clear that you might also want to drive up a 1/4 mile and wait for the kids to catch up, then do it again, if the kids are not ready to behave like civilized people. The 10-year-old should NOT have gotten in a car with a stranger. That was far more dangerous than anything the mother did, in my opinion. Also, the 12-year-old did get back into the car with the mom, having apparently learned a good lesson. I have to wonder what lesson the 10-year-old is learning now? Foster care is more terrifying and dangerous than walking her feisty little butt home. Upshot of this whole mess, imo? Damaged kids, damaged mom, more cash into their 'social services' system. So, the system wins, and the family loses. Typical of what happens when a 'village' raises children instead of a family.

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