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Mom Says Get Out, Drives Off
Filed under: Opinions
How frustrated do you have to be to drive off and leave your children behind on a street corner? One mom found out.Madlyn Primoff, a 45-year-old partner in a Manhattan law firm, did what many parents -- myself included -- often threaten: she pulled her car over, told her kids to get out, and drove off, leaving them behind. She is now facing a charge of endangering a child after leaving her 10- and 12-year-old daughters in a White Plains, New York business district. Apparently, the girls had been arguing and Primoff couldn't take it anymore.
What kind of mother would do that? According to her lawyer, Primoff "is a great mother connected with a great family." The lawyer also noted that Primoff "is grateful for the outpouring of support from friends and family." Nonetheless, police say she abandoned her daughters about three miles from their house; her older daughter made it home while the younger daughter was picked up by a "Good Samaritan."
Primoff called police to report her 10-year-old as missing, but was told to go to the police headquarters in White Plains. When she did, she was arrested. She is now barred from contact with her kids, at least temporarily. Primoff pleaded not guilty to the charges.
Now, we've all felt the way Primoff must have; I know that "I'll let you out and you can walk home!" is heard at least once a trip when I'm driving the kids. I've even gone so far as to pull over and open the van door. Actually letting them out, however is a whole other matter. And driving off, well, that's just plain criminal. The White Plains police apparently agree.
Would you ever kick your kids out of the car? Would you let your pre-teens find their own way home? Was this a case of a mother pushed past her limit or criminal negligence?
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 3)
4-28-2009 @ 2:36AM
mailto:hoju_dingo said...Truly amazing. I used to run several miles home from primary school (and beat the bus home) - and I was only 8 or 9 years old . A 10 year old should easily be able to hoof it 3 miles home. A good education in walking, navigation and being quiet in the car.
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4-28-2009 @ 8:23AM
Mich said...What I don't understand is how the 12 year old got home without the 10 year old. Where is the sisterly love...I would never let my younger sister get into a strangers car. If I had to walk 3 miles home she would also and I would drag her if she didn't want to walk.
4-28-2009 @ 10:11PM
Hoju said...I agree. I meant to mention that point too. Why did the 12 year old go home without her 10 year old sister? I hope they both learn't something. Perhaps 3 miles was a touch too much if they aren't used to walking. Probably it would have been better to let them both walk a mile or so from home. But I think the police overreacted. A caution and some advice might have been a better reaction from them.
4-28-2009 @ 8:25AM
Michael said...I agree with the cops, in this day, there are way too many weird people to hurt those kids...especialy girls, untill society turns towards capitol punishment to pedifile felons, no child is safe. perhaps ''vigalanty'' societys should get involved these days to control the population, and then, things like this, wouldn't be an issue.
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4-28-2009 @ 2:25PM
Uly said...Vigilantes (note spelling) often spell as badly as you do, which leads to "amusing" situations where innocent people are harassed because everybody knows pediatrician = pedophile.
4-29-2009 @ 8:34AM
Nicole said...When I first heard about this story I looked at the mother in a negative light but now that I know more of the details I think that it's rather ridiculous that this is even in the news.
By that age children should have the mental capacity to walk that short distance home. I think that a lot of the parents today limit their children's mental growth and coddle their children. By fourteen I was already taking the subway downtown to work and a lot of my friends were doing the same thing to go to schools. By ten and twelve I was traveling to school on my own. My parents taught me not to talk to strangers, to walk in crowded areas, to be aware of my surroundings and people who might be too close or following, to walk without headphones and to walk against traffic so that it's tougher to be pulled into a car. It just baffles me the way people shelter children today. I know a woman who doesn't let her thirteen year old son cross the street without her. Without his hand in her hand. There's a kid who's never going to be able to handle anything on his own.
By the way, my mother did the same thing to my sister and I when we refused to stop fighting in the car. It got to the point that things got physical between my sister and I and she pulled over and let us out after warning us multiple times that she would do so. Both of us were competent enough to get home. I could see if this mother dropped her children off on the side of a highway or something.
Now, I realize that there are pedaphiles and murderers out their and I've been in situations where things could've gotten ugly but the common sense about safety that my parents taught me came in handy. Those kids are old enough to walk three miles home.
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4-29-2009 @ 8:42AM
Twang33 said...With all dangers our children face each day, it's a wonder those girls made it home at all. That was a pedophile's dream come true. I don't care how old they were or upset she was. She is the adult; they are the children. Leaving them in a business district 3 miles away from home is no way to handle anything. Some women shouldn't reproduce that being the case. She should be left in Harlem or the Bronx to make her way home. Children need to be taught not traumatized. The fact that they are girls could have led to some serious circumstances. She's a stupid, inconsiderate parent who should be "corrected".
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4-29-2009 @ 8:54AM
Nicole said...I made my way home through Harlem and the Bronx daily and I guess you wouldn't believe how many men, women and children do the same everyday. There are unfortunate accidents or tragedies sometimes but it's rarer than people think. In fact, I think we go missing less than the people and children who are taught absolute fear of the world around them. I may be wrong. I could very well be wrong. But mentally a twelve year old should really have the common sense to get home especially at that distance. What age becomes okay for children to travel?
4-29-2009 @ 11:50AM
steff hartman said...Has anyone thought about how you would feel if you dumped your kid out and he or she was picked up by the wrong person, hit by a car, etc.???? You would never forgive yourself! What would be wrong with telling your children, if they don't stop fighting or whatever, you're heading back home, spoiling the outing for everyone. I only had to do this several times when my girls were 2 and 4 and that was the end of it. The outing was put on hold for me too, but they learned the lesson I wanted them to learn. Now my girls are 23 and 25. The younger daughter was in an abusive relationship, last year. On one occasion, her ex-boyfriend threatened to throw her out of his truck and take her cell phone. She said she was terrified...wondering how she would get home. (They were half an hour from her apartment). I can only imagine the fear these girls initially felt, at their ages of 10 and 12. Think before you act. There may be consequences that will change your life and your child's forever...
4-29-2009 @ 9:00AM
Tammy said...As the mom of three boys ages 14, 9, and 4 I have threatened many times to do what this woman did but I would never act on it. When I say alright boys straighten up or I'm gonna stop and put you out, that lets my boys know okay we've pushed her too far and WE'RE GONNA GET IT WHEN WE GET HOME if we don't stop. There are ways to punish your children without putting them into danger, I love my boys, to put them out of the car would be putting them into possible danger. Danger from sex offenders is possible wherever you live, whether it be in the city 3 miles from home or on the quite country roads of Alabama that we travel. Parents please don't do what this woman did, it is not a acceptable form of punishment despite what some of these bloggers have said.
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4-29-2009 @ 10:22AM
SKL said...Do you allow your older kids on the road a half mile from home? How about a mile? Anything that could have happened to this girl in an upscale business district three miles from home could happen to your kid within a mile / half mile of your home. Abduction, traffic accident, etc. I spent nearly all my free time on the street fromt he time I was about 4 years old. I was free to go further and further depending on my ability to find my way home. If I strayed farther than I felt like walking, I walked anyway, and learned a lesson for next time.
So I guess my parents should have been in jail for life and I should have been raised in foster homes, because what parent would allow a child to be on a street where there might be a weirdo driving by?
Another thing - I didn't dare hitch a ride when I was a kid because my parents would have punished me for it.
I am sorry that the 10-year-old in this case is seeing such a strange result from HER actions. She misbehaved and got disciplined, then acted immaturely and disorderly in public, then got into a stranger's car. The result? She's getting told that her mother is unfit/criminal and she, poor thing, is indeed helpless and blameless. Kid needs a whipping if you ask me. I hope her foster care experience is sufficient to teach her how good she really has it, because the "system" sure isn't helping matters.
4-29-2009 @ 10:36AM
Uly said...What sex offenders? Tammy, do yourself a favor. Look up the *actual* statistics and the *actual* facts. There are no predators lurking behind bushes just waiting for your child. Seriously. Your kid is in more danger from YOU than from any stranger.
Oh, and seriously? Don't make threats you won't follow through on. Talk about bad parenting! If you're not gonna put them out of the car, find something you WILL do and threaten THAT instead.
4-29-2009 @ 9:48AM
Meg Quinette said...When my 12 year old daughter kept gettting kicked off the bus for bad behavior, I pulled the car over about 2 or 3 miles from home and made her get out and walk. The first day she stayed right where she was thinking I would come back for her. As sunset was coming on (3 1/2 hrs later) her father picked her up. He told her he would not do it again. The next day I pulled over, gave her a flashlight and put her out. Amazingly, she was home WELL before dark. She was put off the bus a couple of times again with the same rule. We were driving her way less than in the past !!!
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4-29-2009 @ 11:16AM
Tammy said...Uly
If you want to take that chance with your own kids (if you even have kids) go ahead but my boys have been placed in my and my husbands care and we will do what ever is necessary to make sure NO HARM comes to them. NEWS FLASH IDIOT it only takes one sexual preditor and your child is either dead or is physically, mentally and emotionally affected for life. Sexual preditors are out there, many of them yet to act on their urges to hurt. We're not taking that chance.
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4-30-2009 @ 10:01AM
Uly said...Tammy, if you want to take chances with your children's ability to become self-sufficient adults, you can do that.
NEWS FLASH, IDIOT: Predators *aren't* out there, not in the numbers you think. Your child is safer walking the street than driving in a car (car accidents - NOT kidnappings - are the leading cause of death for children under the age of 16) and no safer with their own parents (90% of molested children are molested by people known to them, typically family members - every time you let your kids visit grandpa you're risking their well-being) than alone.
I'm working from facts. You're working from unsubstantiated fear. Which one of us is stupid, now?
5-06-2009 @ 7:51AM
Sandyone said...Tammy, I hope you're not planning to send your kids to govt school. You do know that there are plenty of pedophiles there. Almost 10% of kids are targeted by their teachers.
http://itcanhappeninyourschool.blogspot.com/2007/07/96-of-students-are-targets-of-sexual.html
Friday, July 20, 2007
9.6% of students are targets of SEXUAL educator sexual misconduct
Read the report here.
As a group, these studies present a wide range of estimates of the
percentage of U.S. students subject to sexual misconduct by school staff
and vary from 3.7 to 50.3 percent (Table 5). Because of its
carefully drawn sample and survey methodology, the AAUW report that
nearly 9.6 percent of students are targets of educator sexual misconduct
sometime during their school career presents the most accurate data
available at this time.
4-29-2009 @ 12:03PM
Tammy said...SKL
None of our boys are allowed to walk on the road, not at anytime or anywhere simply because there are to many dangers, and its a risk we're not willing to take. What you did as a child was you and your parents business, what our kids do is my husband's and my business. Our boys don't have a problem with that because they understand even at the age of 4 that the decisions we make concerning them are made out of our love and concern for them. I'm not going to apologize for being the parent that I am. Every parent has the right to parent as they see fit, I don't have to agree with them and they don't have to agree with me.
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4-29-2009 @ 4:42PM
SKL said...You said, "every parent has a right to parent as they see fit." OK, but the mother in this story was stripped of that right, and apparently people like you think that was just. I have a big problem with that.
I personally think it does a child a lot more damage to not be allowed on the road at that age. It's just as bad as not sending them to school (where, by the way, lots of accidents happen). But yeah, that's my opinion, it's not the law, unfortunately for some kids.
4-29-2009 @ 4:47PM
SKL said...Stef, if your daughter had had the opportunity/necessity to find her way alone while young, maybe she would have been strong enough to walk away from her abusive boyfriend on her own terms, and wouldn't have been terrified by the prospect of being alone on the road.
That is exactly what I hope to protect my daughters from: the feeling of helplessness and neediness that feeds that type of situation.
It is sad that the agents of government persist in trying to prevent parents from trying to give their kids real life experience, from which true strength and character grows.
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4-29-2009 @ 5:16PM
Tammy said...SKL
The mom was not stripped of her rights to be a parent until she put her girls out and drove away. In this instance how she saw fit to parent was foolish because she broke the law in doing so. There was a time when a parent could do this and no one would have thought a thing about it but the world is a different place now. She did a stupid thing which I'm sure she now regrets doing and would not have done if she had it to do over. Do I hope she loses her kids over this, no but hopefully it will serve as a valuable lesson to think things through carefully before she acts. No doubt she will be punished in some way if for no other reason than to send a message to other parents not to do what she did.
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