Mother's Day - Good, Bad and Very Ugly
Categories: Just For Moms, Holidays
You know what says Happy Mother's Day? Flowers. Not a guinea pig. Photo courtesy of sxc.hu.
"Every year so far, my Mother's Day 'gift' has been to be given the whole day to spend with my daughter, all by myself, while my husband spends the day attached to his computer," says one ParentDish reader. "Because, you know, that's not what I do every day of the year!"
But wait! There's more! "Oh, and if I'm really lucky?" she adds. "He'll stop on his way home from work on Friday night, and buy me a movie I have no interest in, refuse to watch it with me, and then [complain] for a year that I haven't watched it."
Oy to the vey, people. I'm hoping that poor lady at least gets a bunch of dandelions picked from the yard this year. Because frankly, that would be a much better gift. Turns out a lot of the dads out there are a little, um, clueless when it comes to celebrating Mother's Day. Our informal poll of ParentDish readers revealed that even just a card would warm the cockles of mom's heart, because that would be a lot better than a bag of Twizzlers.
Yes, a half-pound bag of strawberry Twizzlers. That's what my friend Jenny got one year. That, and a car ride to the in-laws with her preschooler in the back seat. Personally, I can't believe they're still married, because my husband would be dead by the side of the road and I would be in prison. "But," says Jenny, "he made up for it later with a really gorgeous ring."
Good save, dude, good save. But not all the menfolk out there are as savvy as my pal's mate. Just ask this poor ParentDish reader, who has to endure Mother's Day gift envy every year: "I have three teen sons and a husband who just don't get that a woman likes to be made to feel special," she writes. "I am so blessed to have them, but would it kill them to get me a [darn] card!?"
Even worse, when her sister-in-law comes over, she shows off her Mother's Day haul. "She shows off the jewels that her husband gave her and the lovely purse her daughter bought her, and blah blah blah," she says. "Bitter? Just a bit, I guess."
Lady, I'd be bitter, too. My husband is a champion gift-giver, so I can't complain too much. He does, however, have a knack for picking fights on holidays, and we've had some doozies on Mother's Day. Then there was the year he had to go do his statistics homework. On Mother's Day. And no, he never did that again.
Husbands aren't the only culprits when it comes to whacked-out Mother's Day "gifts." One of our male readers 'fessed up to giving his mom a less than appropriate present one year.
"I bought my mom a guinea pig, and was hiding in the basement," he recalls. "Returning home one afternoon, I heard a ruckus in the basement. My mother was swearing (not unusual). When I went down the stairs, I saw her wielding a broom, trying to kill something that was running along the walls. Immediately, I realized the guinea pig had escaped and was being pursued by mom."
He adds that he was able to "stop the slaughter," but did have to go get her a more "suitable" gift. Because nothings says "I love you, Mom," like yet another creature that poops. Am I right, ladies? Or how about a "Happy Mother's Day" phone call from your ex-husband? Or maybe a visit to the emergency room with a sick kid?
After reading all the funny stories you all were generous enough to share with us, I could only come to one conclusion: Every day is Mother's Day. Every day moms field ridiculous requests, laugh at their husbands' ideas, get mad, give hugs, clean up messes, ooh and ahh over handmade gifts, and generally take care of business.
But seriously, guys, would it kill you to pick up the phone and order a bunch of flowers? Go, now! Dial that cellphone, and save yourselves a lot of grief.
And make the special mother in your life feel really, really good. Happy Mother's Day, y'all.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
ninainindia 5-08-2009 @ 9:14AM
In my home Mother's Day is about the children showing appreciation for their mom. It's not about jewels and expensive gifts. The children make a present and bring breakfast in bed.
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Nicola 5-08-2009 @ 4:24PM
Nina, my husband is British and this is also his take on it. I wonder if we American's haven't jazzed it up and gone over the top on presents and flowers and brunch. Not that we ever do that to a holiday! Seems that we feel "entitled" to this super special day, but as my husband says, "Your not MY mother". He tells me how much I mean to him as a wife/partner/parent on other special days -- my birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day. But in his mind, this day is about the children doing something special for Mom and being reminded, briefly, of all that we do for them. Not that it will sink in -- at least until they have children of their own!
Stephanie31lynn 6-15-2009 @ 11:12AM
I would love any gift, even a Happy Mothersday hug or and I love you mom would do..... This year .... my hubby stayed in bed all day, yelled at me when I asked him to get up, my son remebered because a commercial came on and reminded him.... and although I can excuse all of this... ( hubby works 3rd shift, son full time student in high school and all that goes with that ) I reminded them that mothers day was coming, I even put it on the family event calendar and still I didn't even get a hand made card....
LS 5-08-2009 @ 9:26AM
This is a Teaching Moment for all of us Mommies. Think about why our husbands are gift-giving morons. I know that, in my own case? His mother used to do it for his father, and for him. Somebody's birthday? Mom went out, bought and wrapped the gift, held the card open for my husband to sign (she STILL does it for her husband), then put the card in the envelope and taped it to the gift and said, "ok, here you go... you need to be at this address for the party at this time." She never required him to write Thank You Notes to people (she made his sister do it, but not him. Go figure)
This happened for every occasion up until we married. And then? He was "responsible" for doing it himself, even though his mother would still call regularly, "[Sister's] birthday is next week, be sure you get a nice card for her and have [husband] sign it."
Yep. She was calling ME. Telling ME to take over her helicopter-parenting duties, and wanting ME to do all the work so that he could get the credit for it.
The end result was/is that my side of the family gets cool and appropriate gifts (usually, when I'm bringing my "A" Game), and his side of the family, which, apparently, includes me, gets nothing. Or something that he haphazardly picked out at midnight the night before The Day at the only store left open in town... usually the gas station (Happy Birthday Honey! A CW McCall CD and a Sixer of Beer!!) or Wal-mart (Merry Christmas, Honey!! $6 Lingerie!!).
The point of this rant? It's probably too late for our husbands, unless they are unusually trainable.
But it's NOT too late for our sons.
~ Teach them to be grateful for the gifts that others give to them.
~ Teach them that there is joy in giving, and MORE joy in giving a well-thought-out gift. That it really isn't hard to choose an appropriate gift for someone if you're paying attention.
~ Don't second-guess gifts that they buy for people - guide them, but allow them to make the decisions. After all, the gift is coming from him, not from you.
~ Teach them to use a calendar and mark the special days of special people.
~ Teach them to write heartfelt Thank You Notes. They don't have to be long to be sincere.
DON'T DO IT FOR THEM, otherwise, 20 years from now, our daughters-in-law will be on a board, just like this one, griping about getting a pack of Wiggle Worm fishing lures for Mother's Day. After all, it's spring, isn't it? And spring is fishing season!!
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Juliet Grossman 5-08-2009 @ 11:06AM
The comment from the gal about teaching SONS because it just may be too later for husbands practically made me break out in hives. Ack. And it is so true! Do not be sexist about teaching good manners only to our daughters and not to our sons. It's about civility and getting along in society. Help them to help themselves! Train them. I am linking this to my blog about thank you notes: http://thankfullysimple.blogspot.com [(http) thankfullysimple (dot) blogspot (dot) com.]
Nicola 5-08-2009 @ 4:19PM
I love you. Awesome post. You hit it on the head. And I am mother to a son. A son who will know better!
Mike Licht 5-08-2009 @ 10:25AM
Careful. Mother's Day can make you crazy.
See:
http://notionscapital.wordpress.com/2009/05/07/the-story-of-mothers-day/
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Sharon Bice 5-08-2009 @ 11:34AM
Instead of flowers you can also buy instantly and online a spa gift certificate from www.JoyofSpa.com for a spa in mom's home town. It is quick, easy and eco-friendly way to say thanks!
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ame s 5-08-2009 @ 7:52PM
On my first Mother's Day, my now late-husband ( a computer programmer) printed a card for me from our computer. He handed it to me and said "This was all we could afford." Somehow we could always afford new computers and bigger, better televisions & stereo equipment. I printed a card for him on his first Father's Day and he acted insulted.
My "now" husband (this is his first marriage, these are his first children) plots with my daughters weeks before Mother's Day. I have breakfast in bed, fresh flowers every day during the week before Mother's Day and am not "allowed" to do any work during that weekend. My girls are smiling and giggling while doing my jobs. It's really cute!
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Joy 5-11-2009 @ 4:20PM
IF YOU KNOW ANYONE THAT MIGHT WANT TO HELP US, PLEASE FORWARD THIS: My 16 year old son and I have been taking care of my mom, since June 2006. We moved from our rental home in Santa Clara County to a very small town in Calaveras County with 3 weeks notice that Mom has lung cancer and they need to give her radiation and chemotherapy in 3 weeks you need to be here to take care of her. My son and I moved to Calaveras County and began care-taking and radiation and chemotherapy therapies. Well, my mom desparately wanted to move to Nevada (her second daughter and 2 grandchildren lived there). My mom wanted the familty to be together and be as close as possible through my mom's final years. Meanwhile, I was dianosed with fibromyalgia ... my son now has two people who are not physically able that he is living with, My mom has been willing to pay for me to live with her and care for her, while I got my disability going, so I could obtain income and become financially able to care for my son and myself, after she passes. Well, my mom died on March 15th and my son and are were left homeless with no means of income or support. Fbromyalgia is the most painful disease I could ever imagine. I wish I could work, but I am just unable and unable to prove my disability, at this time. The worst part about this entire story is that my son had to go and live with his father and his father's girlfriend and 3 children. My son has never been away from my mother or I and I can not do a damned thing about it! Please understand that I would have received an Outstanding Mother's Award instead I have no mother and no child to celebrate with. Life really stinks sometimes : (
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