Dr. Laura Schlessinger on Working Moms

Amen to your last statements. There are good and bad mothers at all points on the work spectrum. Staying at home or going to work, what matters is that we love, cherish, and give fully of ourselves to our children while we are together. That we are fully present and devoted to raising healthy, happy young people who will be healthy, happy, and successful adults.

Face it, kids go to school when they're 5. My son loves to be at school above all other places. He is able to stay until 5:30pm which allows me a full work day while he is overjoyed at the full day with the friends and teachers that he loves. There is more to his world than just "Mom". And I consider that to be in his best interests. In real life, we all branch out. Think of yourself now, as an adult. We love our mothers, but are they really your whole world? Heck no! Not since I hit my pre-adolescent years. Mom will always be Mom and absolutely irreplaceable, but it is only for a few few years that she is the center of your universe.

I hate to see women who give up everything and forget the ultimate reality -- that your kids are going to devote themselves to their friends, their first loves, their own development into individual human beings. And that this breaking away begins very early on. We would like to convince ourselves that they "need" us to be there at all times, but really, they don't. And in only a few short years, not only will they not need you, but they won't want you hovering over their every move either. And then what? What do you have when you have dropped everything and devoted yourself to this tiny period of a child's life?

I'm not saying that working is a better option, only that I worry for the mothers who truly believe (as in Laura Schlessinger's book) that the only way to parent properly is to give up everything and stay at home. Staying home is one option, but not the only option. Its up to you. Don't let anybody guilt you into giving up your own life or make you feel like a substandard mother if you don't. Be a good mother. Be a great mother. And do it on your own terms!

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And how does having a radio show and writing a book qualify her as a stay at home mom? Both involve lots of time. The radio show has lots of prep time so Laura is not exactly practicing as she preaches. Why not just suggest how women can balance their lives instead of stirring up controversy?

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Although it frustrates me that Dr. Laura is so anti-working-mom, I still think she has the right to express her opinion and to even write a book about it. Perhaps the book is geared towards SAHMs who are looking for justification in their decision to stay home, just as perhaps I might look for a book that will justify my decision to balance children AND work.

However, as a previous commenter posted, Dr. Laura has to practice what she preaches, which I'm not sure she does very well. A true SAHM doesn't necessarily work at something other than her family/children/home. Is her radio show outside of her house? I doubt it.

We have to do what's best for ourselves and our children. Not just one or the other. If working outside of the home also gives mommy (or daddy) that needed fulfillment, then that parent is probably also happier when they spend time with their kids. I take what mommy-time I can get and make the most of it. Because I know in only a few short years, I wouldn't be the center of their world anyway - we teach our kids to be self-sufficient, well-adjusted, INDIVIDUALS... not attached body parts that require attachment to us in order to be happy.

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Hmm. I should correct that - I doubt that Dr. Laura's radio show was IN her house.

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I don't believe that the issue between the relationship of parents to their children lies on whether they are at home or working in another area or in an office. If you keep a very open communication line and make your children feel loved and cared for no matter where you are, then I think there is no problem. Sandy is right when she says that SAHM do not necessarily coddle their children all the time. They are at home but still they have the tasks they need to fulfill.I think making sure that they are safe is what's more important. And that means making sure your help at home does not have any criminal background at all.

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What cracks me up is the cluelessness (not to mention historical ignorance, but that's another comment). If you have a kid, you should stay home with said kid. End of story. Anything else is selfish. Um, ok. But what about the dad? He had a kid too. Shouldn't he be at home with the kid, end of story, because anything else is selfish? Why just mom? Is it because women have uteruses? What about those of us who are mothers through adoption? Should we be home with the kid or out in the workforce since we're probably not really mothers to Dr. Laura? And how did she get that radio show? Did she have the programmers and decision-makers come to her house for meetings? If Dr. Laura were capable of following her argument to its logical conclusion, she would probably be advocating for the end of a market economy, since we would all be at home full-time (moms and dads) taking care of and entertaining jr. Or maybe she thinks the childless and childfree should be the only ones out in the workforce? Oh, wait, maybe she means that only the wealthy should have children, since they can afford full-time help to get around that pesky full-time parent thing of never working out of the home. After all, the middle class, working class and working poor are so selfish, what with this two working parents thing, holding down more than one job and doing what they can to provide for their families (well, everything but staying HOME, which is clearly much better than food on the table). I could go on... and on... and on...

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Um, bgbassmom, the ridiculousness was kind of my point.

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bgbassmom....oppressive gender roles may exist in your home, but they do not exist in the culture as a whole. And that's fine if they exist in your home, that's your business, but it is also fine that it is the business of many, many women to try to change that inequality.

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I love how the women doesn't even fit into her own definition of what a good mother is. How anyone can listen to her I don't understand.

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I am a single parent who fights for her ex to pay child support. I fight for a living everyday. I thought when I got married that I would be able to stay at home, teach part time and have 2-3 children.

The real issue here is what is right for you. My house may be a mess, but we have clean clothes and usually eat nutrious meals. Most parents today have to both work to provide for the same level of existence that our parents were able to have Mom stay home for. Let us not forget that Rosie the Rivetter is gone and we are powerful in the workforce. It is hard to get time to take off for my daughter's events and I sometimes cry because I'm missing things. I am trying to balance work and my family life. But if I were at home it would be a challenge too. I would be volunteering and working at my daughter's school.

I think it's hard out there. We have to hang in and not polarize each other. Rember the strides we have made to get the same $ as men. I think its wonderful that some men want to stay at home. We are extremely lucky. Ms. S. is praising an idealistic system but the truth is most of us don't fit the stereotype but we need to be tolerant and supportive of our sisters in motherhood. We have more in common than we are divided.

God Bless.

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FYI women: the family is in trouble. Why is it so terrible to dedicate yourself to your own children, husband and home? Of course you can work and also love your children. But your children will absolutely suffer in some way if you are working full time while they are at home and needing your guidance. Look at how many obese children we have: most likely from fast food because tired mothers don't feel like cooking a healthy meal, and from sitting in front of the TV because overextended mothers don't have time to go outside to play with their children or take them to to the playground. look at how many children are on stimulants (speed) for ADD and antipsychotics and sedatives because overextended mothers don't feel like disciplining or teaching their children socially appropriate behaviors. By the way, all the school shootings were committed by kids on these drugs. Where were their moms when they came home from school upset because they were being teased? Don't you think kids should be able to come home and chill out with their mom (your mother is your biggest champion-no one cares more) and talk about their problems after school? Not stay in school until 5:30 - 6 :00, come home and rush around trying to cook dinner, do homework, household chores, etc. Just because our culture is one of mothers absent from the home doesn't mean it's better that way. What about the divorce rate? Adultery is a major cause of divorce. Are you aware of how much the rate of women committing adultery has increased since women have increased their rates of working out of the home? I'm not saying working causes adultery, just pointing to the statistic. I think women as the stronger sex should be able to control themselves and not cheat, but apparently they don't. Also, if you stayed home and weren't so tired all the time, you would probably enjoy a much better sex life with your husband (thus decreasing the rates of husbands' committing adultery-sad but true). A better relationship over all, actually. And don't fool yourself into believing your marriage is not important. You married that man for better or for worse and forever, til death do you part. Shouldn't you do your best to make the marriage the best it can be? You also committed to having those babies: why do you want to let someone else raise them? I certainly don't trust daycare workers who don't get paid enough. Not because they are bad people (but some of them are, and unfortunately you don't know which ones) but because they just don't have the same loving concern and commitment that you have. How could you live with yourself if your childcare worker makes a serious mistake (giving your child a food you wouldn't, not changing their diaper enough and causing a rash, negligence which cause an injury, or verbal/physical/sexual abuse, etc.)? Anyway, I also praise the mother who sacrifices and makes the investment in her own family. We'd see a major improvement in our culture if more women were brave enough to commit to their families. Sorry to give you so much responsibility, but mothers are essential. Oh, and it's not just because we have uteruses. It is way more complicated than that. We have different abilities and characteristics than men which make it better for women to be in the mother role. It's the way we are made. If you think your family needs the money, you could probably do a little math and figure out you don't make as much as a financial contribution as you thought. The costs quickly add up: childcare, wardrobe, eating out, possibly cleaning services, transportation, etc. I say all of this out of straight experience: I have five children ages 12 to infant, and I've both worked (full and part time) and stayed home. I've had all the same opinions of the working mom to defend myself at one time. I'm so grateful I've found the peace to put my family first. I encourage women to see the value they have as full time mothers and wives. Maybe reading Dr. Laura's book will give you the validation you need.

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