Is Generation X Raising Generation Rude?

Adults don't interact as much in person any more, especially not in front of their kids. At home, kids may hear less than polite discussions between parents and little else (leaving aside TV for the moment). Parents don't talk to the neighbors like they used to, don't visit as much with aunts/uncles/grandparents, and don't really interact much with adult strangers when they are out & about.

Then schools/daycares teach manners only up to the point necessary to control violence, and leave values strictly out of it, lest they run afoul of the "anything goes" principal that underlies our entire education system.

And finally there's the Gen-X attitude that no child should be forced to say anything he/she doesn't mean, e.g., sorry for ramming my trike into your shin, Granny. Or, Government forbid, have religious beliefs imposed upon them.

Parents need to go out of their way to model politeness at home and outside of the home. They need to teach morals and values on a daily basis. And yes, they need to force their kids to say things they don't spontaneously decide to say, and punish them for saying things that are unkind. The idea that these actions create insecure kids is ridiculous. A child who knows how to treat others will have friends everywhere he goes. That's where his security will come from. Not from feeling righteous in his selfish impulses.

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We have three kids and find ourselves constantly reevaluating our course with regard to balancing between accepting and disciplining. I falter, but look to the examples of 18 year old tragedies as my warning. I hope I don't let my girls down. Hopefully having Jenn Tryban as a friend and sounding board helps ;)

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I find it's usually boomers who claim that Gen Xers have rude kids, which is rather amusing - hello, helicopter parenting? As a first-wave Gen Xer parent, one of my goals is to raise polite children. My friends, who are beginning to have children as well, share this goal - pretty much due to the HORRIBLE behavior of so many of the children we've babysat and observed as teens and young adults. I really don't think you can put this one at the feet of a generation that has only recently started having children. People have always complained about rude kids, because there have always been parents unwilling to discipline their children.

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Choose any line....ATM,
Wal-Mart, Cinema...and
you'll find no courtesy.
Youngsters don't show
respect; heck, couldn't
tie it in at first notice with
evidence of guidance.

My parents emphasized
there was value to saying
something to someone.
And that meant being
calm, polite, meaningful
with comments.

I dare you to interact with
a youthful person in line.
Besides a surly look, most
likely will come a defensive
response. Very few smiles;
even less verbal acceptance.

A decade after my three
young adults found their
own way, they share a
common tie -- "they enjoy
being nice". Even offer/share
random acts of kindness.

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my autistic 7 year old son amazes everybody because he is so well behaved. my wife and i worked hard so he would open up and share is words with the world.i have had parents of so -called "normal" kids question me wether or not he is really autistic.how i was raised you always said please and thank you so i taught him the same.he even asked while he is at home if he can please use the potty mommy or daddy even if he is in his room 5 feet away from the bathroom he will walk down and ask us.i am not defending these other parents but if you could spend a little ore time and teach youchild som mannors it can help.btw i think i am part of gen x o was born in 81 and will be 28 in june do i count?

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Maybe it's because the government has branded discipline as abuse? I've actually had parents tell me that they are afraid to spank or do anything because they will get in trouble with the law.
Kids need structure, and discipline, not a best friend.

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As a teacher, I find that many school districts are pushing "Character Education". The problem is that all of those positive character traits must start at home...and they are not. Parents have created a new generation...one of entitlement, giving in to their children. How many teenagers right now have brand new cars that their parents bought them? How many kids get PS2s, X-Boxes, computers, iPods and cell phones just because they want one? We are disenabling our children and it all starts at home.

I agree with Lisa...we need to discipline our children, not be their friends. Their friends are at school...not at home. My parents are my friends now, but growing up, they were my parents. I learned there were three correct responses to questions: "Yes, Sir (or Ma'am)", "No, Sir" and "No excuse, Sir". Now we get: "Whatever", "IDK (I don't know for non-texters)", "Yeah" or "Fine". Kids have no respect for themselves, for others or for authority.

I am a parent of two daughters and do everything I can to instill the Golden Rule. If they don't want it done to them, then don't do it to someone else.

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Wow--Some of the comments are spot-on. SKL is so right about a lack of role modeling because adults DO interact much less now with each other, face to face, IRL. When I was a kid, we learned to converse, make small talk, have manners all by osmosis--through watching. That doesn't happen nearly as much now.

CLM also makes a great point about not blaming rudeness on one generation. Every generation of parents creates some rude kids. I do think we tend to overcompensate for whatever we feel were the weak spots or inadequacies of our own upbringing. For instance, I know I'm overprotective because my folks in some quite unfortunate ways were UNDERprotective. I want to spare my kids the resulting problems, so I watch them a lot more closely. This is something I'm working on, and it is definitely anxiety related. It's often said that we avoid our parents mistakes by making opposite mistakes. Certainly true for me.

I also agree with Tony's thinking about toys & gadgets. Just because a new phone, video system, etc., exists doesn't mean we have to get it for our kids. Why do 5-year-olds need cell phones??? Yet you see that in our town. The Golden Rule, too, like he said, is not that hard to explain, even to a 2-year-old, and we just have to model and reinforce it over and over. And give a meaningful consequence when they violate it. What better way to prepare our kids for life?

My generation (gen X) could definitely do better on the **critical thinking** piece of the parenting puzzle, as well as common-sense advocacy for kids' health, broadly defined. Kids' lives IMO are somewhat off balance, with too much screen time and homework and not enough exercise, sleep, old-fashioned chores, and play. It's not that surprising they get snippy. I personally think we'd see better behavior overall if these things were addressed.

Mary
http://www.squidoo.com/greatfamilymovies

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I am 29 years old and I am assuming would be considered a generation x parent. I am somewhat offended and feel I am being stereotyped because of my age. I am a baby-wearing, co-sleeping mother who believes in letting her children develop their own personalities. I have a 4 year son who listens to punk rock, rides a skateboard, watches tv and is encouraged to express himself however he wants.
But since he learned to talk, we have been insisting he speak with proper grammar and have manners. We also teach him to show respect to everyone he comes in contact with. He attends a church run preschool that also insists that the children use manners and show respect to everyone. When he misbehaves or is disrepectful, he is disciplined. It may not be as strict as our parents were, but it works for us and our child.
I am often told by complete strangers how smart and well mannered my child is. And I have all intentions of raising my younger children the exact same way.
There are obviously parents my age who are not instilling the same values that my husband and I are, but that goes for every age and every generation. In fact, my son has a classmate that behaves like the children described in the article and his parents are much older than us.

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My son is usually polite. All kids have thier moents. People are amazed when he says Thank you. He tells the bus driver "Have a good day"when we get off the bus. I expect him to behave and most of the time he does. But he is and of course has temper tantrums.
Rudness bugs me and there is no way I will tolerate it from my children. I see many children who are rude but I am starting to see that maners are coming back.
I agree there should be a manners. coutersy class taught at school. Litle things like saying thank you, giving up your seat on the bus to elderly, disabled people or pregnant women or someone carrying a small child. Holding the door for the person behind you ect. Things like which fork to use are nice but the basics are crucial.

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Children rudeness is directly correlating to lack of parenting. i love all these terms that we read above - attachment parenting!!! Is this a comedy act? That Gen-X are such great parents!! Ridiculous and absurd! The truth be told parenting skills have been lacking in this country for decades!! With parents obsession with wealth accumulation and keeping up with the Jones'es, children have been taught very little about personal attitudes, ettiquette and social interaction. The truth is that this country has become a very nouveau riche population, where what you own is more defining than who you are. There no longer exists any consideration, courtesy or respect.

Have you ever driven through a high school to drop off or pick-up and have to weave and navigate around "zombies" walking through the traffic lanes, without any regard for the oncoming vehicles. This lifeless, self-centered, uncaring, generation of youth are a direct offspring of the uneducated, self-indulging generation which brought them into this world...period! It's about time that all these so-called experts in pyschology, sociological behaviour, and infant, adolescent rearing be shipped off the planet!! The only thing tha we need is to go back to the very simple aspects of life...teaching ettiquete, manners, courtesy, respect and all other simple attributes which would distinguish us from rogues, villains and hoodlums! Trash the poisonous t.v. and music which teaches our children only about the importance of violence, the merits of bootie calls and the panacea of drugs... without even any consequences whatsoever! Parents need to be parents...few in this ountry know how to go about this!...Oh, and while we are at it, cease in allowing and condoning reckless personal behaviour (binge drinking and "gone wild" college attitudes) take away the cell phones, change the driving ages to 18 (subject to graduation from high school to earn the privilege), increase the drinking age to 21, make the adolescent rap sheet a permanent part of your record (once a thug, always a thug...let's stop condoning youth's indiscretions as part of the normal process of growing up), separate schools into boy and girls schools exclusively, and start bringing up men and women of value..with a strong set of values and morals. And if there is no change, start sending the "parents" into the jails with their children when a law is violated..they created the little monsters or they neglected to give their children a veritable value system and self-worth, then have them suffer the consequences as well. "Parents" wash there hands of any responsibilities, as if those behavioral problems exhibited by their children are an airborne disease or a newly discovered virus! Stop negotiating with children..SIMPLY BE PARENTS FOR GOD'S SAKE!

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STOP INCUBATING...AND START PARENTING!

"Mommies and daddies" who really are nothing but incubators of the new generation of sexual sport (many of you don't deserve to be referred-to as parents), start nurturing, disciplining and teaching your children a veritable set of values and true morality.

You have no right to impose your defiant, disrespecting, violent, inconsiderate, rude offspring on the population at large! If I wanted to get "eaten alive" by a wild animal, I'd drop myself into the Amazon jungle or Africa! I shouldn't have to concern myself about the well-being of my family, because of your inadequacies. You are a complete detriment to our society and a "breeder" of the decadence which is devouring a once proud and noble nation!

Stop incubating and start owning up to the responsibility of prudent family planning, devoted and responsible parenting, and the nurturing and development of worthy and upstanding individuals into our society! The absence of this is the real parental abuse..and it should be castigated as with every other misconduct in life!

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I find the rudest behavior in young adults aged 18 to 22 (give or take). I don't know what generation that makes them, but they are HORRIBLE from their driving to their customer service and so on. So far, the majority of the kids I know - especially middle school and younger - have been extremely polite and well-mannered. That said, my 10 year old and many of her friends have admitted to disrespecting and backtalking their parents in the privacy of their own homes. Additionally, my kids do display a great deal of narcissism in many regards. While I review my parenting strategies, I am relieved that I can at least send them out in public without embarrassment. :/

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Looking at this I feel as though I must comment as well. I've read all of the posts here and many I agree with, particularly those who speak of balence.
I'll readily admit, I am not a parent, and have no business being a parent as I am only 19 as of yet. However, I can discuse what I know, and that is how I was raised and the children I see on a daily basis where I work (Here's a clue: My boss is the 'big cheese', and I live in FL).
I come from a devorced home, from parents who are neither Gen-X or Boomers, and I was raised primarily by my mother. I knew the Basics since I was barely two, because my mother made sure I knew them. She also was a big person for the '1,2,3' rule when it came to small things. You did something wrong, you were disaplined for it. I have only been physically disaplined through a spanking twice in my life when I was 5, for kicking the cat, twice. I don't kick the cat anymore obviously.
Here's the thing though. I was taught the absolute basics when I was a child, and I was explained all the bad things that happened out there, and why I shouldn't do something stupid. I've always been freinds with my mother, yet respected her as just that, my mother. What worked when raising me was giving explanations. With my mother, if I couldn't have something, and I would ask 'Why?' she would tell me just that. To contrast here, my father would say 'Because I Said So' (Sorry, pet pev but, DO NOT USE THIS PHRASE! It's a cop out and means nothing in the real world), even at age six I knew that phrase was complete bull and would tell my father that. When I ask a question, I want to be treated like a sentinant being and have it answered truthfully.
But I digress. The point I'm trying to make here is that because I was taught things early on, it made things easier, and there could be balence. You know what? I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs, and have never been grounded for something more than getting a C+ on my report card. I have a grandmother who spoils me, but I know to appriciate what she'd given me, and I know that things like 'instant gratification' are foolish, and that things like 'Personal Responsibility' are things that should be taken to heart (and that the world is highly lacking of this from every generation right now it seems)
I have no qualms with how I was raised, and that is how I plan to raise my eventual children whenever that time should come. But where I work, I see all manner of parenting. Many are the 'stereotypical' Gen-Xers discribed in this article, who frankly, don't know when to tell there children at times that 'no means no'. I see alot of parents irritated because their children are acting a fool, which in my opinion, perhaps I could be wrong, was probably because they didn't teach them the Basics early on.
I will say that I see many families as well that are fully functional and well mannered, their child whom I've spoken too were polite and knew the golden rule (Including all the little Princesses, though I wish I could see more Princes than Pirates frankly, what ever happened to encouraging little boys to be chivalrous?).
While this may seem to be a rather disorganaized jumble I'll be entirely honest and reinterate that I am not a parent, and feel that I have no business trying to act as though I am. I can only merely put in my two sense by providing myself as an example for comparison.

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Since when is breastfeeding considered attachment parenting? I was under the (correct) assumption that it was simply the most healthy start to give your children. Ignorant comment, IMO

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