Desperately Seeking Mom Friends

Amy Corbett Storch was heartbroken when her soul mate left the Washington. D.C. area where the two met, and relocated to California. "It's probably the worst thing that ever happened," she says. "So now I'm all hurt and wounded and defensive."

Wow, sounds like a bad break-up doesn't it? And it was, the very worst kind of all -- the kind of break-up that happens when you lose your best mom-friend. Storch, 31, knows all about being a mom. After all, she has two kids of her own, and she writes the outrageously funny and popular mom blog, Amalah. She also knows how hard it is to make -- and keep -- friendships with other parents.

Why is it so hard for women, especially mothers, to make friends? Storch believes that parenthood ups the ante: "It's not enough to just find a mom who lives nearby, or who has kids around the same age, or someone you have non-mom stuff in common with," she explains. "You want someone who is all of the above and has a similar attitude towards parenting as you. And you know, someone who's not a mom the way like, your mom is a mom. That's a tall, complicated order. They would spit in your cup at Starbucks after an order like that."

A tall order, indeed, and a hard one to fill. Three years ago, I left the city I'd lived in most of my life for a small, midwestern town where I didn't know a single soul. My husband was never home and my daughter wasn't even 2 years old yet -- I was desperate for another adult to talk to.

I'd wink at other mothers in line at fast-food restaurants, or flirt with the baby in the shopping cart in front of us at Wal-Mart, hoping that her mom would notice me, but no dice.

Storch knows of what I speak. She, too, flirts outrageously, but can't quite get up the nerve to bring it all the way home. "I chat moms up on the playground like a needy puppy but don't know how to ask them for a phone number," she says. "I gave a mom my email address once and she never wrote me."

Her luck turned recently, however, when she became friendly with another mother from preschool. The two families bumped into each other one weekend, and the flame was lit. "The boys were so excited to see each other, and it was really easy to hang out and talk a little, and she just seemed cool," says Storch. "Not high-strung, not the type who would need to schedule play dates in between Junior's three foreign-language classes and cello lessons."

It wasn't until their first date that Storch really started to fall hard. "She ordered food for us that included French fries and cheesecake, and we ate it all," she says. "I have not yet figured out her stance on wine. I don't think she saw our recycling bin. I'm going to have them over for dinner and if they show up with a bottle of wine I think we can declare it a 'Total Momlove Victory.'"

For now, though, the relationship is still in the early stages, and anything could happen. "Right now, we're still in the "planned play dates a week in advance" stage, and I'd feel awkward sending her an email and being all, 'I'm out of toilet paper. Let's go to Target!'" she says. "I think we're at the point where I could call her and say, ask her to watch Ezra for an hour while I go to the doctor, or something. That's important, too. Need some help during the day? I'm here for that, I'm your huckleberry."

Like Storch, I found a way to mend my aching heart. I was befriended by an awesome mom who introduced me to her circle of friends, and now I'm lucky enough to have a pal who does have my back. If I need someone to watch my kids in the middle of the night, I know I could call her -- and vice versa.

Pretty soon we'll be moving on again, though. And you know what has me tied up in knots? Not finding a great four-bedroom house in the perfect school district. Nope -- I'm worried about going back on the mommy-dating market. It's tough out there, yo.

How do you approach a new mom friend? Are you straightforward? Do you flirt? What's your style?