Parenting - It's Always Greener on the Other Side
Categories: Just For Moms, Just For Dads
Do you think other parents have it easier than you? Photo courtesy sxc.hu.
Take, for instance, a Baby Talk poll recently featured over at Motherlode. Over 14,000 moms were asked whether married moms or single moms had it easier. And the results were surprising: Twenty-two percent of married mothers sometimes wished they were single.
Why? Take a look:
- 76 percent said they wouldn't have to negotiate parenting with a partner
- 69 percent thought it would be easier without having to work on the marriage too
- 30 percent said they'd like to not have to deal with in-laws
I have one single friend, though, who thinks it's married parents who have it easy. "I have friends who'll call me up and say, 'I'm a single mom this weekend,' when their husbands are away," she says. "Being a single parent doesn't just mean entertaining your kids by yourself for a weekend; they have no idea what it's like physically, emotionally and financially."
Difficult in-laws or not, she imagines that having a partner has to make things smoother. "You've got two incomes, and you've always got backup."
Single or married, working or not working, two kids or four kids, rich or poor ... there's always a reason to believe that someone out there has an easier parenting gig than you do.
I work from home, and during the hours that I'm working, my four-year-old is generally entertaining herself. This makes me feel guilty, and I said as much to a friend last week. She immediately cut me off. "Moms who work outside the home have plenty of guilt too, trust me." She'd misunderstood me -- I wasn't relating my situation to someone who worked outside the home -- but she's been a full-time parent with a full-time job, and she was sure the grass was much greener where I stood. She was probably right.
Last week, Jen over at One Plus Two (who is amazing, if you aren't already reading her) wrote a fantastic post on her propane jungle stove. She hates it and wanted a new one, until a neighbor said something that made her stop short. "Maybe if you do," he said, "You can give this one to my mom, because our stove isn't is nice as this."
One of her commenters said something that's left me thinking ever since: "It kind of makes you wonder -- is there one person who has everything, and one person who has nothing? Because, it's like we all have stuff, and some people have more and some people have less, so where's the end of the line?"
We can look at parenting the same way, i think. There are always going to be parents who have it easier -- or at least appear to. And there's always going to be someone who's struggling more than you are too. Where does it end? It doesn't, but it helps put things into perspective.
Do you ever look around and feel like other parents have it easier or harder than you do? Share your story with us in comments.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Melissa 5-26-2009 @ 2:01PM
I am a single mom, and I think married parents do have it a little easier....two incomes, emotional support, no dealing with "where's my dad?" conversations....then again, they have to do deal with their marriage, and the fact that there are two incomes, but still no money left over, and they have to "share" their kids, they have to agree on the way to raise them....I have it hard on my own, but I deal with the daddy questions like a pro now (for example, she says to me one day, "you're the mommy tiger and I'm the baby tiger....where's the daddy tiger?", I responded, "we don't have a daddy tiger, but you know what? we don't need one, cuz we have an Uncle Tony tiger, and he's waaay more fun!"), I spend my money the way I want (zoo trip over the weekend, Disneyland last weekend, no questions asked)....if I don't have it, well, we do something free, like the park....I don't have to share her with anybody (except Grandma lol), and I have freedom over how I raise her....So while the grass may well be (a little) greener on the married parent side, it's still pretty green and lush over here on the single parent side, too!
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Jamie 5-26-2009 @ 4:14PM
I am confident to know that I could parent my children on my own, but I would not want to. Obviously, every situation is different, but I feel appreciated and loved by my family and would not have it any other way. I am very lucky in that respect. Don't knock being married with kids. Sometimes it can be heaven on earth. I stay at home with our children and therefore my DH gives me nights out with my girlfriends and golf outings as well. I love having a Husband that understands that I need a brake from being "Mom" and "Wife". My life is great.
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SKL 5-26-2009 @ 10:21PM
I hear so much whining from married moms, I assume we singles have it a lot easier. I assume this is because the work seems more like drudgery when there's another adult (versus a little kid) adding to it or idly watching you do it. (The whole "ooooh, I had to wash the dishes AND do the laundry, poor me" - I just can't relate - I do it all and still don't feel miserable at the end of the day.) And as mentioned above, I don't have to answer to anyone about what I do and what I spend and whether I teach my kids that the Wicked Witch of the West is a liberal. So yeah, I think the parenting gig is easier this way.
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Sandyone 5-27-2009 @ 4:34PM
As a military wife, single parenting is always on my radar. I'm sure I could do it, but I definitely wouldn't want to have to. And I would have the benefit of life insurance to keep me from having to get a job.
The only thing I see that's easier for the single parents that I know is that they get guaranteed blocks of time when their kids are off with the other parent. I sometimes think of all I could do while the kids are gone (wash the kitchen floor and it doesn't get dirty even before it's dry!!!), but I come back to reality pretty quickly. That separation from the kids is a sword that cuts both ways.
I wouldn't trade married parenting for single parenting in a million years. (and you won't ever hear me whine about how easy it must be to have all of those 'perks' of single parenting. I realize they come with a rather hefty price tag.)
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