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Facebook - Do You Hide Behind Your Kids?
Filed under: Opinions
Katie Roiphe of Double XX says moms -- especially those over 30 -- are increasingly hiding themselves behind their kids on Facebook, and she wants us to knock it off. Here's why:
"The choice may seem trivial, but the whole idea behind Facebook is to create a social persona, an image of who you are projected into hundreds of bedrooms and cafes and offices across the country. Why would that image be of someone else, however closely bound they are to your life, genetically and otherwise? The choice seems to constitute a retreat to an older form of identity, to a time when women were called Mrs. John Smith, to a time when fresh scrubbed Vassar girls were losing their minds amidst vacuum cleaners and sandboxes. Which is not to say that I don't understand the temptation to put a photograph of your beautiful child on Facebook, because I do. After all, it frees you of the burden of looking halfway decent for a picture, and of the whole excruciating business of being yourself. Your 3-year-old likes being in front of the camera. But still."
Roiphe thinks that moms who "hide behind their kids" are in danger of getting swallowed up by family life altogether. And she also thinks they're really boring at dinner parties. "One's children are of course an important achievement, and arguably one's most important achievement, but that doesn't mean that they are who you are," Roipe writes. "....The subliminal equation is clear: I am my children. And perhaps for their health and yours and ours, you should be other things as well."
I think Roiphe's being too tough on Facebook moms. After all, I've seen plenty of non-parents use cartoon characters, pets and superheros in place of their own faces. Should I infer, then, that my junior high crush actually believes he's Superman? Or that my aunt thinks she's a Pomeranian? I didn't think so.
That said, I think parents -- especially moms -- are at risk of losing themselves in the shuffle of serving a family's daily needs, especially -- but not necessarily only -- when you've put career, higher education or even your hobbies on hold to keep family life running smoothly.
What do you think about Roiphe's essay? Are moms really hiding behind their kids on Facebook and in life? Are we too devoted to our kids?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
6-03-2009 @ 10:30PM
Michele W said...I have my sons picture on my facebook but I dont feel as if I am hiding. I am proud to have my sons pictures up there and all my friends that are on facebook know who my kid is and know that my kid is my life. They all know what I look like. I dont talk to strangers on facebook or anywhere else on the computer, there is just to much to risk and too many crazy people out there so those that do see my profile pic is someone who is close to me anyhow. I thought all enjoy putting their kids cute pictures up and I dont consider that hiding from people you know.
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6-03-2009 @ 10:58PM
CommaMomma said...My facebook picture is me with my kids and I had to look about six months back to find that. I suspect that the reason a lot of people use pictures of their kids is that like me, they don't have very many pictures of themselves. Since the mom is often the primary photographer in the family, many of the pictures do not include her.
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6-03-2009 @ 11:41PM
rlassally said...Rolphe's article made me crazy. Well written, yes. But a very flimsy, flimsy argument. She neglected to look at how we tech savvy women immerse ourselves in the social web - not simply on facebook. I couldn't resist and wrote a pretty vitriolic piece on my site, http://www.truuconfessions.com/blogs/384 and on http://www.huffingtonpost.com/romi-lassally/feminism-on-facebook-are_b_204578.html.
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6-03-2009 @ 11:57PM
Melissa H said...My facebook profile picture is of me and my daughter and I stole that from my cousin's facebook page.... simply put I DON'T HAVE ANY PHOTOS, at least not of myself. I have a million and a half of my child, I have a half a million of my husband and my child playing together, and I have three of myself and my child. I have NONE of just me that is not, get this, 5 years old. Its not that I am hiding behind my child, or that I equate myself with my toddler... it is that I seem to be the only one in my family who can operate a camera. Being as my daughter is only 19 months I guess that falls on my husband.
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7-03-2009 @ 5:00PM
Zach said...The thing i have always wonder too, those women who DON'T have a picture of themselves, but just their kids , have an identity issues, where they feel embarrassed or ashamed to show themselves due to being self absorbed on their looks or lack of good looks , and feel that people might feel differently because of that - WHO CARES - you are your own identity , NOT YOUR KIDS! If you can't do that , you have some issues that need to be worked on in a therapists office.
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7-22-2009 @ 2:01PM
S said...Facebook really does have an interesting effect on personal relationships. Quite frankly I feel that if parents want to engage in facebook, they should and they can. Parents- just do not be surprised when you think you're on limited profile! I recently wrote a post about the effect facebook has on relationships... http://shutt16.wordpress.com/2009/07/22/facebook-and-its-effect-on-personal-relationships/
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