Tricking Hubby Into Fatherhood
Categories: Pregnancy & Birth
How far would you go to have another baby? Image: sxc.hu
"I have a 6-month-old and I want another baby, but my husband doesn't. He changes the subject every time I bring it up. He doesn't know it, but I've stopped using birth control and I am seducing him on my most fertile days." -anonymous
This anonymous woman spilled her secret at Cafe Mom and if she stuck around long enough to read the comments, she's probably wishing she hadn't. Words like "disgusted," "betrayal of trust," "selfish" and "stupid" are being bandied about over there and I have to say I think "anonymous" deserves the harsh treatment she's getting.
However, her confession brings up an issue that no doubt many couples have found themselves dealing with: What do you do when you disagree on how many children to have? Even if you thought you had that all sorted out before the wedding, what happens if one partner has a change of heart? While tricking someone into becoming a parent is clearly wrong, is it fair to deny your partner a child she desperately wants?
Have you found yourself at odds with your partner about family size? How did you work it out? And have you -- or would you -- ever resort to trickery to get your way?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Caleah 6-04-2009 @ 2:30PM
Before my husband and I got married we both agreed that we would have 3 children, (he said 4 but I talked him down to 3 and he agreed). Since we got married and had our son, he just turned 1, I have had a change of heart - I don't want anymore children, at all, and now he wants 4 again! I had a hard labor, and horrible c-section recovery, and I found that being a mother is the toughest job on earth - I'm not the stay at home type either. We argue about it all the time and he says he will resort to trickery if I don't comply. So now i'm thinking about going on the pill. I told him the day the men can carry babies and give birth, and if he wants to be a stay at home dad, then we can have all the kids he wants.
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Brandi 6-04-2009 @ 4:27PM
Hi there,
I feel bad that your husband is being so demanding. Yes, having children should be a mutual decision but it is YOUR body and asking you to have what sounds like another painful pregnancy is just wrong. I love your retaliation of "when men can have babies..."! I say, stick to your guns and when you're ready, you're ready.
Katie 6-04-2009 @ 7:16PM
maybe you should ask him about adopting? because you could have more children without the pain! its a win-win
Jamie 6-04-2009 @ 3:00PM
My Husband and I agree now on how many children. We did not at first. I wanted 2 and he wanted 2 to 0. Yes, he constantly had a change of heart, but did not tell me about it. One of the two times he expressed to me that he was reluctant to have children happened 2 weeks before our wedding day. We have now been married 8 years and have two sons, so it did work out in the end. I never would have tricked him into having children. But, I was so infuriated with him because we dated and lived together in combination of 4 years before getting married and knew that children came with the marriage. I told him if he did not want children, then I needed a divorce so that I could find someone who did. I love him, but I did not want to have a life without children in it. I would have never gone off the pill to have a child without my partner's knowledge. That is a recipe for disaster.
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Brandi 6-04-2009 @ 4:25PM
I have to say that I have a friend that recently confided in me that she "tricked" her husband into getting her pregnant...twice. They are divorced now, but I just couldn't believe that such a happy good person would do that! I do have to say, though, that each circumstance is personal and we may not always know the whole story. What if a woman marries a man that SAYS he wants kids and then backs out? The situation differs for each woman. So, I have no harsh words for them...
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Mihir 6-04-2009 @ 6:21PM
sorry to say it, but your friend does not sound like a good person. marriage relies on trust. if you don't have that, you have nothing.
even if a man said he wants kids, he has every right to change his mind, before or after marriage. so does the woman.
it takes a pretty sick and selfish person to trick someone into such a life changing event. (again...man or woman)
Jennifer 6-05-2009 @ 11:57AM
My husband and I have been married for 12 years, before our first wedding anniversary I was pregnant with #1 and when #1 was 15 months old #2 was born. The closeness in age sometimes was a difficult task to have, I remember on two seperate occasions being asked "how old my twins were?" Then 6 years later I got pregnant with #3 I was on birth control pills for 6 years and never missed a day but I had just lost my mother and my dad had just found out he had cancer, I look at it as it happened for a reason. I needed getting pregnant by a weird hit or miss to pull myself together for my family. I guess what I am trying to say is if it's supposed to happen it will, possibly not until the time is right but it will. Our youngest is now 3 and I did have my tubes tied after I gave birth, I felt that it was right for my family and myself.
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BW 6-05-2009 @ 1:33PM
The thing is, you both have to be on the same page about everything if your marriage is going to work. And, 99% of the time that means compromise. If you have no kids, and want kids, but he doesn't, the marriage is likely not a good match. (Sorry, but let's be realistic about this.) If you already have one or two and want more, but he doesn't, not having another is your compromise, having one more is his compromise. You need to talk through what it will be. Tricking a man into fatherhood has all kinds of implications including a father that resents his children. You don't need to (and really should not) bring that kind of emotional stress to you and your family. I have a friend who went off the pill without discussing it with her husband, got pregnant, and ended up having an abortion and getting a divorce over the trust issues that resulted. No matter how badly you want that baby, is it worth the possible upheaval of your life as you know it?
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