Getting Real About Body Image

First of all, I disagree with the part of premise you highlight. I do agree that it's normal for pubescent and teen girls to be self-critical, but I don't agree that there's nothing we can do to counter the unhealthy messages they receive. Kids absolutely internalize what their parents say - especially if they practice what they preach.

I recall my mom using the word "ugly" to describe the gaunt and bony frames of the popular female "idols," and "ridiculous" to describe the combination of bleached hair and darkly tanned skin. I have always felt the same way. Even as a young teen, when I saw a peer who was trying to copy that image, I felt sorry for them. Did I sometimes obsess about my zits and the softness of my thighs? Absolutely, but my ideal was a naturally attractive body/complexion.

With my daughters, I focus on health and also speak positively about people's natural differences. When anyone comments on their physical features (positively or negatively), I say that they are the way God made them, and therefore they are perfect. As they get old enough to understand the difference between natural beauty and extreme body engineering, I'll do the same thing my mom did - pass down my honest distaste for the "popular" body image. I'll teach them that make-up is optional and help them find healthy, positive ways to deal with reasonable concerns such as excess acne and overweight. Yes, they will be critical of themselves, but hopefully not because they don't look like an ugly, trampy drug addict whom the media has decided to idolize.

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NICE POST.

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It's hard to control the social messages about identity that society brainwashes children with, but I guess the best thing parents can do is reverse the brainwashing by telling them to have a mind of thier own and be happy with who they are.

-Nikki-

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You go SKL… of course there is something to be done. Kids are inoculated (the statistics are scary) with virtually constant media messages about what and how they should do, behave, think, and of course, spend money.

Parents are in the unique position to model, “in front of their children”, reactions to those same messages and influences. Kids are in the unique position, especially in the early years, to believe in the “rightness” of parental behavior. Kids in China speak Chinese because their parents do, not because it is the official tongue; the same is true for so many behaviors in all families.

Equally important is parental focus on guiding their children toward the development of internal rather than external motivation and valuation. An example: when you tell your child, “I’m so proud of you”, for something they do well, you are supporting the development of external valuation; if instead you address the accomplishment by saying, “You should be proud of yourself!”, internal, valuation is supported.

Remember what you want; it should be to help your children become fully functional adults, sporting characteristics like high self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-image, with which they can more easily resist the barrage of media messages. If you believe simply telling children they should have these characteristics really works, you are living in the land of “just say no”; it does not work. In the vast majority of cases, “Preach’n ain’t Teach’n”.

The most influential action you can take is to be the best human you can be. Set the example. If you complain all the time about others, your kids are likely to complain too; if you react with anger and accusatory tones to minor transgressions, your kids will copy that behavior on the playground; and if you speak Chinese around the house… guess what.

To improve most of society’s ills improve the family unit: it all starts with you, the parent. You should do something, you can do something, you must do something!

DaMoKi

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