Don't Call Me Grandma

by Sandy Maple (Subscribe to Sandy Maple's posts) Jun 10th 2009 1:00PM

Too cool for Grandma and Grandpa? Image: sxc.hu

Baby boomers, those born between the years 1946 and 1964, have never been known for maintaining the status quo. Born into the optimistic times after World War II, they rejected the staid, traditional values of their parents and went about busily trying to change their world. They embraced their individualism, fought for social change and, due to the sheer numbers of them, continue to impact the landscape of America.

These days, many of that generation are nearing retirement age and looking to enjoy their senior years in ways their parents never dreamed. Young at heart and still raring to go, they have no intention of rocking their golden years away on the front porch.

But even as they resist going quietly into the night, their own children are leading them into the next phase of their lives by having children of their own. And while they may love playing an active role in the lives of their children's children, many boomers are reluctant to embrace the very words that define them: Grandma and Grandpa.

"I didn't like any of the names I heard people calling grandmothers," say 63-year-old Margot de Ferranti. "I'd rather hear someone calling me 'Margot' than 'Grandma' in public."

She's not alone in her resistance to tradition. A recent survey of students at a preschool in Newton, Massachusetts found that only five out of forty children referred to their grandmothers as "Gramma," "Gram," or "Granny." While some used names that are traditional in their culture (Yiddish "Bubbe" and Swedish "MorMor" for example), many more used whimsical made-up names or variations that incorporated their grandmother's first names.

Surely some boomers are resisting the "grand" label because it makes them feel old, but others do so because a non-traditional name better reflects the non-traditional relationship they have with their grandchildren. "Our more distinctive names reflect the fact that we are more involved and hold a more distinctive place in our grandchildren's lives -- or think we do," says Simone Bloom Nathan, co-founder of a website dedicated to female boomers.

With their history of shaking things up, it is no surprise that boomers are now redefining -- and renaming -- the role of grandparent. But some believe that if the comfortable old shoe fits, you should go ahead and wear it. "It's a role in life," says 66-year-old Phyllis Nobel. "As far as I'm concerned, no matter how old I am or how old I was when they were born, they're my grandchildren and I'm their grandmother. It's a fact. Why mess around with it?"

Do your children use traditional names to refer to their grandparents? What would you want your own grandchildren to call you?

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Comments (10)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Melissa 6-10-2009 @ 1:40PM

Good topic....my mom is 61 and she has wanted to be a grandma for 10 years lol....when I had my daughter, we discussed what she would like to be called....we decided that we would let my daughter call her whatever she came up with.... "Gra-ga" was the first thing....then "Gra-gra", "Maw-maw", and now she calls her "Gran-ma"....my best friend's mom, however, who is only about 40 or so, became a grandma at 36 and did NOT want to be called "Grandma" or "Granny"....she is called "Mimi"....to each their own, I guess!

Robbie Johnson 6-10-2009 @ 1:42PM

I have two grand children, both call me by my first name. I don't like the grandma label. Guess I'm not alone.

Emily 6-10-2009 @ 3:05PM

Our newborn son has a Gran & Grandpa, a Nana & Granddad, and a Mamie. They all love being grandparents, and range in age from 41 to 58. Actually, in the case of my stepmom it's the opposite of some of the ones you mention- she really DOESN'T want to be called by her first name (which is what I call her) and wants to just be Gran and not "Step-gran" or "Gran-First Name". And, she's a fairly young grandma too. So I guess it really varies!

Mandy 6-11-2009 @ 6:18PM

My kids call my mom and dad... Nana ( pronounced with an UHH not an Ahhh) and Papa

Inlaws are Grandma and Grandpa ( with the camp when not in the area)

My grandparents

Grandma and Granpa ( with the horses to keep them seperate)

To their faces they drop the with the part

Kirstie 6-10-2009 @ 11:04PM

I have a LOT of grandparents - I grew up with four grandmothers and 3 grandfathers (divorce on both sides and most of them remarried). So I had a Grandma, a Nanny, a Nana and a Nonna, a Poppa T, a Poppa George, and a Poppa Dado (because Diego was hard for a 1 year old to pronounce, and that's how it came out, lol!).

I know my mom wants to be Grandma, when I have children. I'd really like my dad to be Poppa Steve, only because that's what my grandfathers all were to me. My boyfriend's parents will likely be Grandpa and Nonna (judging from what he calls his mother's parents; his dad's parents are largely out of the picture).

PArther 6-11-2009 @ 7:31AM

I am 53 & my hubby is 59. I'm called Nannie & he is Paw-Paw. I didn't want to feel older by being a grandma or granny.

Priscilla Pursell 6-11-2009 @ 12:03AM

I was made Grandmother at age 36. When my first Granddaughter came into the world, she had 5 Grandmothers waiting for her arrival.
Of the 5, I was the youngest. I sat and listened as the other soon to be Grandmothers talked about what they would be called; Nana, Meme,and etc...
I couldn't help but think what an honor this title would be,something to be proud of. So when the other Grandmothers asked me what I would be called, I said, "Granny."
Now, whenever I here one of my 5 Grandchildren call out for Granny, My heart melts with love.
When I think of my own Granny, I don't think of her being old. I think of the love she showed me,and how she made me feel special.

Donna 6-11-2009 @ 9:51AM

I first became a grandmother at the age of 38. My inspiration was my own grandma who showed me unconditional love and let me know daily that I was the apple of her eye. She died when I was 12. To this very day, I still miss her. I called her Grandma. In her honor, I wanted to be called Grandma. I wanted to be a "Grandma" just like her to my own grandchildren. To have them call me by my name would seem to say I am being in denial of who I am at this point in life and disconnecting to the child. Grandma or Grandmother is a name of honor, to me and I am honored to be called that.

Amy 6-11-2009 @ 12:06PM

In the south non-traditional "nicknames" for grandparents has been part of the culture for several generations. There are lots of Nana's, Meme's, pop pop's and such. As well as some really creative versions. Personally, I think anything that helps family and a sense of community back into our society is great!

Carolyn 8-21-2009 @ 10:53AM

I have a 14 year old granddaughter and will soon have a step-grandmother who wants to be called granny my granddaughter does not get along with her and wants to call her by her first name, my son who is getting remarried insists that she calls her new step grandmother granny and if she doesn't she gets into trouble by her dad I have tried talking to my son but it does no good and I tried talking to my granddaughter and she says that she has 2 grandparents that she loves and doesn't like the new one which she has known for over 12 years that is how long my son has been with his girlfriend and they have a son together, they are getting married soon, I tried to tell my granddaughter to just call her granny to make her life easier and just cries and said its not fair to make her do something that doesn't feel right. I don't know what to do to help her.

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