Only a couple of generations ago, the popular perception of the role of the father usually found him kicking back in the living room, reading the paper and occasionally doling out some pearl of fatherly wisdom while Mom tended to the little folk. Dad may have handled some rudimentary tucking-in, but rarely was he more involved in that, his frequent catchphrase being "go ask your mother." My own father-in-law claims to have never changed a single diaper in his life, and he had six kids!



Times have changed, of course. Today's parents are expected to be hands-on caregivers, both actively involved with virtually every aspect of child-rearing. But even in this more enlightened age, certain parents find it hard to get the balance right. In much the same manner that men wince when handing over the remote control to their wives, some mothers fear the worst when entrusting the care of the children to dear ol' Dad. While it can be a perfectly natural inclination to hover, scrutinize and even interfere with your spouse's parenting, it's a habit that can often lead to friction. This phenomena even has a name: It's called "gatekeeping," and according to a recent article in the Wall Street Journal, modern science has started to look into its roots, practices and pitfalls, and how to avoid them.

While mothers are usually more likely to do the gatekeeping, the fault shouldn't fall squarely on them. Hesitant fathers can often act as gatekeeping-enablers. "When my son was born," says Joel Roberts, 46, "I was too nervous and inexperienced to care for him the first few weeks without my wife around to help me out. But that was entirely about my own lack of confidence as a first-time parent. My wife was completely understanding and her support helped me become a better parent." Fellow father John Donohue, 40, takes it a step further. "We're pretty much equal parents," he says, "but if anything, I sometimes wish there was a gatekeeper. We both share responsibilities around the house as equally as possible, which can result in no one taking charge. "

On the other side of the fence, gatekeeping can often seem absolutely mandatory. "Yes, I do feel the need to supervise my husband," says mother Robin Locke, 42."2 weeks ago I left the house for 10 minutes, he went to change [the baby] and she rolled off the changing table and broke her hip. She's in a full body cast for 6 weeks. The week before, he put her on the couch to roll out a blanket and she rolled off of there as well."

To better re-align the roles, fathers are advised to brush up on the basic skills and seek the counsel of fellow dads. Moreover, parents are advised to police themselves. The key to avoid gatekeeping is realizing that the welfare of the children is a duty to be shared.

Have you experienced gatekeeping first hand? How have you and your spouse dealt with trying to share the parenting load?