Teen Pregnany Takes its Toll on Young Parents
Categories: Teens & Tweens, Pregnancy & Birth
What's the life of a pregnant teen really like? Photo: sxc.hu
Need proof? ABC's "Primetime Family Secrets" spent nine months following five teenage parents -- four mothers and one dad -- to see how the real life of the pregnant American teen is playing out. The episode, which aired last night, didn't do much to dispel any myths about teen pregnancy, but it did take the gloss off of various media representations of kids having kids. Unlike ABC Family's "The Secret Life of the American Teenager," which shows teens dealing with pregnancy in a soft-lit, carefully costumed cocoon, or MTV'S sensationalized "16 and Pregnant," "Primetime Family Secrets" let viewers see just how wrenching it can be to have a baby at 15.
There are moments of startling insight from these teens. Aliki, 17, is shown with her 9-month-old son; as she wipes his hands and face after a meal, she says matter-of-factly, "Honestly, I don't think being a first-time parent at any age is a walk in the park. So I don't think my age has that much to do with it." At the same time, though, being a teen parent -- and in particular, a teen mom -- means missing out on being a teen. 17-year-old Hannah misses her prom, because her on-again-off-again boyfriend -- and father of her twins -- takes someone else. That's part of being pregnant, he tells her. You miss the prom. She also misses graduation because she goes into labor early; while her classmates are getting their diplomas, she is giving birth to her daughters.
All of the girls profiled by "Primetime" kept their babies; all had some sort of help from family. 14-year-old Paige's mother wants her daughter to get back to being a teen, and so she assumes primary care for her granddaughter. 15-year-old Mahogany is living with her mother and attending a school for pregnant teens and teen moms, but the care of her son falls entirely to her, since her mother works double shifts as a nurse.
In the end, while it is clear that these girls love their children, it is also clear that they miss being kids. 15-year-old Mahogany, cradling her son gently in her arms, tells "Primetime" that yes, she would take back being a mother. She says it clearly and unhesitatingly, despite the baby in her lap. The saddest story, though, is 17-year-old Hannah's; her twins are born prematurely, each weighing only two pounds. "They're cute," she says, clearly dazed and happy. Hannah has struggled to adjust to this new life as a teen mom, and just when we think she's getting it, one of her babies dies. It's a stunning end to a sad story.
So what's the take-away? Teen pregnancy is hard, for teens and their families, and it's still hardest for the young mother. Eight out of 10 teenage fathers will wind up walking away from their children, which is stunning. Of the parents profiled here, only one of the fathers was making any effort to be a part of his child's life; one other, Hannah's boyfriend, wandered back into the picture only after her twins were born. For boys, the consequences of teen pregnancy are not the same -- Hannah's boyfriend goes to his prom, while she sits home, pregnant and sad. Jeremy, the one father trying to do the right thing, flunks out of high school because he can't work 40 hours a week, study, and help care for the baby. There's no way, it seems, for this to end well for these kids.
You can watch the full episode of "Primetime Family Secrets" online at ABC News.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Melissa 6-24-2009 @ 2:26PM
I think 17 year old Aliki was right when she said it's hard for any first time parent....but I think she is wrong to say her age has nothing to do with it....it is definitely harder when you are younger, whether you are a teen or 21 years old....you still are in that selfish, it's all about me stage of your life, and when you have a baby, you can't be like that anymore. Yes, some older parents are like this, too, and not all young parents are, but the majority of teens and young adults (21, 22 years old) are selfish and want to still have fun and party. I was 26 when I had my first child, but her dad is a few years younger....needless to say, he wasn't done partying, and I ended up being a single mom (and I wouldn't have it any other way).
My point is, it's tough to be a parent, but when you add high school and all the drama and fun that comes with it, and you have to give it all up, it's even tougher.
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CarolinesMommy19 6-25-2009 @ 9:47AM
i am a young mom (21). I was 18 when I got pregnant with my daughter and had her 9 days after my 19th birthday. Then at 20 I had my son.I call them my unexpected blessings. They were both unplanned but I wouldnt change having them for anything. I was immature before I had kids. I wanted to party and have fun, I was on my way to college. The second that pregnancy test was postive everything changed. I knew i was then and forever responsible for someone else not just myself. My boyfriend (now husband) was amazing, hes stuck around and Im lucky to found a guy that is like that, hes young too (22) but he takes responsibilty for his kids. Its not just age thats makes you ready to be a parent. Many things factor into it such as maturity level, how you were raised and if you can support a child. We have an easy time supporting our kids. My husband has been in the Army for 4 years so I get the opportunity to be a stay at home mom and go to college online. Im not saying teen pregnancy is a good thing or its easy to be young with kids. Im just saying not all " teen parents" are statistics, it can work.
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Inger 6-25-2009 @ 9:54AM
I am 26, pregnant with my 4th, and had my first at 20. When I got that first positive, it changed my life. I stopped partying and went to college. I got 2 bachelor's degress in 3 years, married my wonderful husband, and got published. It can work out, but I had a lot of support from my family - not initally but shortly before the baby was born I moved back in with my parents who made it financially possible for me to go to school.
I have found that most moms miss their lack of freedom, and the 'death' of their previous life. And really, that's what it is and how it should be treated. It is ok to be sad that you no longer have that life, people must be allowed to mourn that. But the point is to be able to move on after that poeriod of mourning. The ones who end up in trouble are the ones who can't get past the sadness or who are in denial that anything has changed at all.
Sorry for the long rambling post!
Peace
Inger
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Alicia 6-25-2009 @ 6:09PM
I am now 28 I had my first child 3 days after mt seventeenth birthday. I do no regret my little surprise (Who is now 11) But I do wish that I could have been a kid a liitle longer. I lost a year of high school do to bed rest and then delivery and 6 weeks maternity leave and graduated high school a year later then I expected. I have raised my son by myself with no help from his father. The test came back positive his said not my problem that was the last I ever heard from him. I now spend a lot of time talking to tenn parents who need suport as they have no one else to turn too. I also preach the failure of birth control! ( I was on the Pill we used a condom And my son is still here!) For girls to think age is not important it is I worked Full-time and went to school full time and took care of my son leaving me with 3 hours to sleep each night! Teens need a wake up call to realize this is not some trendy item to add to your list it's reality!!!!
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Kacey 7-02-2009 @ 7:57PM
I was 15 when i got pregnant with #1, 16 when I had her. I was 17 when I got pregnant with #2, 18 when I had him. I am now 20, and will have #3 here before my 21st bday. Its not the easiest thing I have ever done. But I am doing fine, my kids are all well, I finished high school, and I am almost done with my AA degree.My boyfriend, the father of all my children, and I have supported them on our own since day one. It is possible and not all teens are selfish when they are young.
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S Harris 7-02-2009 @ 9:01PM
I definitely agree with you. I am 19 with 4 kids. I have two sets of twins, my boyfriend and I, like you, the father of all our children have supported them on our own since day one as well. I got pregnant when I was 17 had them when I was 18 and I was 19 when I got pregnant with my second set had them 2 months ago and I will be 20 next month. Its not the easiest thing, I am not selfish as well. I get my children whatever they need before I even THINK about myself. I as well finished high school and just graduated community college with an AAS degree. Wasn't easy but wasnt THAT hard because I have the support of my boyfriend. I think we are lucky that we have our boyfriends, their fathers, around to help us out. Not many women have that and that's why they say what they say about teen pregnancy!
Confused Parent 7-06-2009 @ 2:07AM
I must say I found all of your remarks interesting.
Everyone loves their children. No one is homeless. No one has any issues with self esteem and no one is using any birth control. Can someone explain to me how someone with enough drive to get two degrees, can't. won't use birth control ? and were are your parents ? how do they feel ?
My daughter is pregnant. She has lied from day one and has only admitted to what is obvious when caught in a lie. I feel like I want to die. I am ashamed and I an embarrassed thay she thought so little outside of her needs and the needs of her boyfriend,who we all know will walk
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Stephanie 7-06-2009 @ 7:12PM
i have read all of these comments and for most of you if not all, everything has worked out okay. i am happy for everyone that everything has worked out but it seems like you are glamorizing teenage pregnancies. i know you may not agree but not all pregnancies work out. Not everyone has support or can even support themself. Kids should not being having kids themself because they arent ready. i understand that teenage pregnancies happen and that not everything is planned but my fear is that teenagers are going to read these comments and think that everything will just work out. IT WONT! you all worked hard to get where you are and you seem to just want to share the good side of everything. what about the long nights and missing beening a teenager. what about get left alone to raise your child. The bottom line is that teenagers need to enjoy being a teenager. Their biggest problem should be what to wear to prom not how they are suppose to take care of another kid. I am happy that you have all succeed but i think someone needs to show the reality of it all. Teens need to learn to protect themselves if they do choose to have sex and to know that there is always a possiblity that they can get pregnant.
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scared 7-24-2009 @ 5:37PM
I AM 16 JUST FINISH 10TH GRADE THE WHOLE SCHOOL WAS HAVING A PARTY AT MY FRIENDS CEASERS SO AND I WAS INVITED AND YES THERE WAS DRINKING AND SEX SO MY MOM WOULD NOT LET ME GO AT ALL IT WAS THE LAST PARTY OF THE YEAR AND THERE WAS NO WAY I WASNT GOING TO MISS IT I HAD MY FRIEND SARAH PICK ME UP LEFT THE HOUSE AND WAS BACK BEFORE SHE NOTICED THE NEXT DAY I HAD A HUGE HANGOVER AND WELL I HAD SEX...
SCHOOL IS OUT!! I AM GET FAT I STILL WHERE I SIZE 2 OR MAYBE 1 AND I WAS STARTING TO HAVE TO WHERE A 3 AND MY FRIENDS WHERE ASKING ME IF I WAS PREGO I SAID NO BUT I KNEW I HAD UNSAFE SEX SO THERE WAS A CHANCE..
GUESS WHAT I WAS GETTING A BABY BUMP SO WENT TO THE DOCTOR AND I HAVING A BABY I AM 4 MONTHS PREGNENT I DONT KNOW IF IT IS A BOY OR GIRL WELL MY MOM UNDERSTANDS SHE HAD ME AT A YOUNG AGE AND MY MOM AND GRAMMY ARE HAPPY FOR ME I HAVE GOTTIN ALL A + ALL YEAR SO I AM A GOOD GIRL WELL NOT ANY MORE!!
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