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My Friend is Spelling her Baby's Name Wrong
Filed under: Baby Names
Is there a way to tactfully suggest an alternative (read: more traditional) spelling for a friend's baby name choice? A good friend of mine is giving her child a name with at least a dozen spellings and is using the one most likely to be misspelled. Oh, and get this: The name is also similar to that of a pseudo-celebrity with a less-than-stellar persona. I don't think my friend is doing it to be different. She just thinks it's cute.
- Concerned friend
We all know that bashing a friend's baby name choice is a fast-track to bruised feelings. But what about the name's spelling? Is it possible to suggest a more standard spelling without causing offense? The answer is often yes, but you have to tread carefully.
Here are some do's and don'ts for advising "kreative" spellers:
Do start by telling the mom-to-be how wonderful you think the name is, in its essence. The flattery will help take the sting out of any negative comments, and your arguments will be more persuasive if she feels that you're on her side.Don't attack the whole idea of creative spelling. Saying that non-standard spellings are "self-indulgent" or "low-class" comes across as a slam on the mom's character. That's the wrong battle. Remember, spelling isn't a moral issue, no matter how strongly you feel about it.
Don't criticize the name based on your own taste and impressions. Saying "Jazzymyne is uglier than Jasmine" or "Jazzymyne sounds like a pole dancer" will just raise the mom's hackles -- and in a battle of your taste versus hers, hers will win every time.
Do point out situations beyond your control that could cause problems for the name. The internet is your secret weapon here. Do a search and check out the unusual spelling. Then, report back your findings. For instance, you can say, "I read a message board where a Jazzymyne said her name is always getting mispronounced in the ugliest ways! It would be such a shame for that beautiful name to get mangled." Or even, "I feel funny saying this, but I did an image search for Jazzymyne and it brought up a lot of really inappropriate photos."
In your case, the tacky celebrity could turn out to be your best friend. Play up the celeb's link to the name, and the low public opinion of her. Do it with compassion and you should be able to come across as the concerned friend you are, not just another name basher.
Ever talked someone out of a terrible name choice? Share your experiences! And if you have a question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line.
- Concerned friend
We all know that bashing a friend's baby name choice is a fast-track to bruised feelings. But what about the name's spelling? Is it possible to suggest a more standard spelling without causing offense? The answer is often yes, but you have to tread carefully.
Here are some do's and don'ts for advising "kreative" spellers:
Do start by telling the mom-to-be how wonderful you think the name is, in its essence. The flattery will help take the sting out of any negative comments, and your arguments will be more persuasive if she feels that you're on her side.Don't attack the whole idea of creative spelling. Saying that non-standard spellings are "self-indulgent" or "low-class" comes across as a slam on the mom's character. That's the wrong battle. Remember, spelling isn't a moral issue, no matter how strongly you feel about it.
Don't criticize the name based on your own taste and impressions. Saying "Jazzymyne is uglier than Jasmine" or "Jazzymyne sounds like a pole dancer" will just raise the mom's hackles -- and in a battle of your taste versus hers, hers will win every time.
Do point out situations beyond your control that could cause problems for the name. The internet is your secret weapon here. Do a search and check out the unusual spelling. Then, report back your findings. For instance, you can say, "I read a message board where a Jazzymyne said her name is always getting mispronounced in the ugliest ways! It would be such a shame for that beautiful name to get mangled." Or even, "I feel funny saying this, but I did an image search for Jazzymyne and it brought up a lot of really inappropriate photos."
In your case, the tacky celebrity could turn out to be your best friend. Play up the celeb's link to the name, and the low public opinion of her. Do it with compassion and you should be able to come across as the concerned friend you are, not just another name basher.
Ever talked someone out of a terrible name choice? Share your experiences! And if you have a question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
7-13-2009 @ 11:34AM
Butch said...What ever happened to honesty? Just tell her and if she takes an attitude-well who the heck wants an illiterate for a friend? Since you have a PC-doh-print up the names from a website and drop it off.
I guess that is the main difference between men and women, frankness and elusiveness. Your so much nicer being deceitful than being an honest caring friend-lol Take up kite flying-lol
Reply
7-14-2009 @ 1:07PM
Marie said...Butch- being considerate of the feelings of someone you care about isn't deceitful, it's caring. And you should probably learn the difference between "your" and "you're" before you start calling other people illiterate.
7-13-2009 @ 11:53AM
Katty said...Who cares if it is unusual spelling. I have an unusual name, I just spell it for people, it is not a big deal. Let her have the name she wants, its her kid.
Reply
12-02-2009 @ 4:43AM
Krystyn said...Using the non-traditional spelling of first names has become a tradition in my family and it's something I wouldn't change at all... My mom's name is Mechele (Me-shell), my name is Krystyn (Kristin), my aunt is Moreen (Maureen), and my daughter is Alexandrya (Alexandria). Until a few years ago, I'd never seen my name spelled the way it is other than in reference to me and it never bothered me....
7-13-2009 @ 4:38PM
Karen said...It's not deceitful to be kind to people, jackass, and it works better to use a subtle way to discourage your friends' terrible name choices.
Reply
7-15-2009 @ 12:00AM
pamiejune said...I vote with tactfully pointing out the pitfalls of having an unusual name. Just ask any school teacher what they AND their students go through with oddly-spelled names, and loooong names - poor kids! And parents - make sure you're spelling the name the way you want it pronounced! We had a student named "Lucius" ("Loo-shis") and every time someone saw the name, that's how it was pronounced. Well, at a meeting, the mother was indignant and huffily informed us that it was pronounced "Lucas" ("Loo-kis"). Well, hel-lo-o - why didn't you spell the name correctly in the first place?!? Cor!
Reply