Nontraditional Families Becoming More Traditional
Categories: Relatives, Life & Style
The traditional family may be going the way of men in suits and women in pearls. Photo: Getty Images
Michael Jackson's death has brought this issue front and center. Who will now raise his children, Prince Michael, Paris, and Blanket? All three were raised from birth exclusively by their father. Jackson's ex-wife, Debbie Rowe, publicly gave up all claims to Prince Michael and Paris shortly after their births; however, Michael Jackson's death has led to a custody hearing, set for July 20, to declare a temporary guardian for the children. Rowe plans to attend this hearing, even though she is not legally required to be there and has said she has no interest in suing for custody. Should she have a say in who raises them? Furthermore, since Rowe was not named in Jackson's will as a potential guardian, so does she really have any business getting involved now that Michael is gone?
Some nontraditional families come together for other reasons. The late Byrd and Melanie Billings, who were tragically murdered in their Florida home last week, were such people. The Billings were a modern-day, magnanimous sort of Brady Bunch -- each had two children from previous marriages. During the 18 years they were married, they adopted 13 special-needs children, whose disabilities ranged from autism to Downs syndrome.
Parents who have gone the surrogacy route have an interesting task of explaining the facts of life and what constitutes their family to their kids. These parents also have the decision of whether or not to include the surrogate parent into the family, which creates more discussion of who exactly is part of the family.
There are so many parents these days trying to figure out exactly what they will tell their children about their birth stories that social workers have begun to offer counseling to assist parents on this task.
"What kids want to know is that they're in the family they were meant to be in -- that they belong to their mom and dad," said Judith Kottick, a licensed social worker in Montclair, N.J. Children's books like "Hope & Will Have a Baby: The Gift of Surrogacy" by Irene Celcer, provide parents a way to begin the discussion with their kids.
Anchorwoman Joan Lunden, who has two sets of twins via surrogates, has become somewhat of a celebrity spokeswoman for surrogacy. Although she feels her children, ages 4 and 6, are too young to understand the complexities of petri dishes and embryos, she does have a metaphorical explanation ready for them.
"It's almost like we can't cook the cupcakes in our oven because the oven is broken," Lunden said. "We're going to use the neighbor's oven."
More recently, Sarah Jessica Parker and her husband Matthew Broderick welcomed home twin girls, Marion Loretta Elwell and Tabitha Hodge. From early on, the couple talked with their 6-year-old son, James Wilkie, about how his siblings came into their family. In May, before the girls were born, Parker told Access Hollywood, "I've been pretty candid with him. I kind of chartered my own course with him because we wanted to keep this quiet and so I wanted to be very careful about telling him so he wasn't burdened with a secret."
Given Ashley Markham's new role, the Jackson hearing, and the myriad of varying family situations out there, it's clear that society must be open to the ever-growing nontraditional families of the present and future. The fact is, the nontraditional family has become the traditional family.
Recent Posts
- G.I. Joe, My Little Pony Invading TV With New Children's Network (2/09/2010)
- Movies May Influence Children's Food Choices, Study Shows (2/09/2010)
- Report Cites 220 Cases of D.C. Teachers Abusing Students (2/09/2010)
- Chicago Candidate Drops Out of Race With Tearful Child On Display (2/09/2010)
- Juicy, But Not Juice (2/09/2010)
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Glenn 7-15-2009 @ 4:59PM
What the heck does Michael Jackson and the couple who were murdered have anything to do with comparing traditional and non-traditional families?
Perhaps Sally Worsham should have done a bit of real research on the subject of traditonal versus non-traditional families rather than getting all her information from Access Hollywood and the Today Show. This story has nothing to do with parenting and is a complete waste of space in a PARENTING webpage.
Reply
Heidi 7-15-2009 @ 5:58PM
I have to agree with you. I started reading this article thinking it would be about "real" families that are untraditional. Other than the Florida couple, none of these other celebrities mentioned actually live in the real world. A complete waste of a lot of words.
damoki 7-15-2009 @ 8:00PM
I have to agree with Glenn and Heidi, this sounds a little too Hollywood, and if the statistics are coming from there, they cannot represent mainstream America. I am not against the people out there; they are often fun to look at and laugh at.
As for the caption below the photo: according to GQ magazine’s trend reports over the last few years, sales of men’s suits are increasing, not declining. I do not know about pearls.
The perception of the large numbers of “alternate” families is probably due to media coverage. Remember, they never report on the puppies that live, or about happy Dad, Mom, and Child families. I am not, let me repeat, NOT for restricting family architecture. However, I do find it hard to believe there is anything “normal” about the recently deceased Hollywood Icon, albeit how much he may have loved his kids.
Your final statement is not true. In reality, about 63 percent of the kids in the USA are in traditional families, leaving 37 percent in single or other categories. By far, the leading cause for the single parent family is divorce, yet about 1/3 of single mothers have never been married; death of a spouse is only about 1%.
The deleterious potentials for single parent kids range from poor health, limited education and bad behavior choices that often result in teen pregnancy, suicide, drug abuse, and more. These kids are more likely to drop out of school, become a runaway, or go to prison. If that is becoming the norm, the problem is larger than I think.
Many fine kids come from single parents, though statistically, there are odds, big odds, stacked against them. Much of the problem is the reduction in choices parents and children have because they live in poverty or near poverty conditions (1/3 - 1/2). Remember, it is not the lack of money itself; it is the lack of choices money gives, combined with the lack of time to take advantage of choices because most single parents work full time jobs.
Your examples of “norms” are drawn from the extremes in our culture and are ultimately useless in this discussion. It seems as though you have an agenda to push. I simply do not know what it is.
Consider this: If obesity is becoming common - the norm in our society - does that mean it should be? The negative effects of being overweight are too long to list and no one can argue about it. Commonality is not justification. So, even if non-traditional families do become the mode, are they the best we can do for our kids, or is it only about someone’s agenda?
DaMoKi
Reply
SKL 7-15-2009 @ 9:44PM
I think there may be a distinction to be drawn between people who are single parents by choice versus by mistake.
I am a single mom by choice. I chose to parent two orphans, when I was in a financial and emotional position to do so competently. My children are NOT going to be any of those statistics that damoki cites, because the reasons why those statistics happen don't apply to my kids. They are not under-nourished, they weren't exposed to drugs during gestation, they don't and won't suffer from educational neglect, they aren't abused, they won't get accustomed to being on the public dole, their mom is not a bad example. While they may feel they have some baggage from their birth stories, they won't have to go through any domestic violence or ugliness, separations, divorce, custody or child support battles, or a series of unrelated men hanging around. Most of all, they will always know that they were dearly wanted since long before they were born. They are not "what's keeping me from doing what I wanted with my life."
I would have preferred to have a "traditional" family, but it wasn't in the cards. When it comes to orphans, I believe they are better off with a devoted single parent than with no "forever family." I did consider creating a new life as a single mom, but decided against it for several reasons. One being the uncertainty that this would really be the best setup for a child. That said, I am not sure I would have decided against biological motherhood if all the other stars were aligned. I don't believe my kids are disadvantaged at all by not having a father, so if they were my biological kids, the same would be true.
amschef 7-16-2009 @ 1:15PM
I agree with some of the comments in reference to this article. Non-traditional family examples should not be pulled from Hollywood. I disagree however with some of the statistics being referred to by some readers. I am a single mom of a happy healthy well adjusted 15 month old. I am not divorced nor am I poor and uneducated. In a utopian society all children would be raised in successful loving two parent housholds. We obviously do not live in a utopian society. To assume that a two parent household automatically means a better place for a child to be raised is like basing real life on Hollywood-ridiculous. Marriage doesn't automatically mean a great bond for raising children. Maybe statistics should be shared on children who are the products of workaholic neglectful and/or "staying together for the sake of the kids" parents that are married but emotionally disconnected. I wonder what those statistics would look like?
damoki 7-16-2009 @ 1:16AM
SKL,
Well said!
Your point about avoiding the problem's roots, thereby eliminating the appearance of the symptoms, demonstrates what is missing in the families (traditional or not) where the symptoms do appear. It is sad about the those who don't, won't, or can't get it. If more did, the statistics would improve greatly!
Hey, we agree 90 percent plus... that ain't bad.
DaMoKi
Reply
Jim Bailey - JimBWarrior 7-25-2009 @ 8:24PM
Anything that detracts from the **Whole Natural Biological FAMILY** is detrimental to our Children, our Nations.
Granted there are times when surrogate Parents, Grand Parents are necessary and I take my hat off to those who do this important task well.
However surrogate and/or Single Parenting is all too often used to the determent of Mum, Dad, the Kids and all 4 Grand Parents which the Empire of Injustice plays into given half a chance.
The way ahead is too enshrine **Preferential Equal Shared Parenting** into World-Wide FAMILY Law and Social Policy and to dislodge all so called FAMILY Law, Social Policy and those who profit from it from their destructive power brokering.
Up on Equal Parenting @ Ration Shed BLOG with thanks to Parent Dish
Onward - Jim
Reply