Children's Books That Will Never Exist

Filed under: Just For Moms, Just For Dads, Media, Funny Stuff, Books for Kids

Your favorite children's books are being renamed on Twitter. Credit: Dai Sugano / MCT


Laugh with us as we meander through a pretend book store


Ever dream of opening a bookstore? Yeah, us, too. We found these titles on Twitter, good for a momentary chuckle.

Here are our favorites.

A Beginner's Guide To Running With Scissors
Alice In Amsterdam
Anne Of Premium Cable
Are We There Yet?
Are You My Baby-Mama?
Bi-Curious George
Brown Bear, Brown Bear Where Do You Pee?
Bunnies And Tooth Fairies: A History Of Corporate Greed
Captain Frilly Underpants
Charlotte's Webcam
Clïfford The Big Red Communist
Cool Careers for Kids Who Aren't Very Smart
Crazy Like Mommy
Equations For Bedtime
Five Ways To Get Rid Of Your New Brother
Goodnight, Loon
Goodnight, Moonshine
Goodnight, Uranus
Green Eggs and Spambots
Hairy Potter
Harriet The Spy: Reality Show Producer
Harry Potter And The Kidney Stone
Heather's Two Mommies Have a Three-Way
Homework: The Alien Conspiracy
Hopped Up On Pop's Meth
Immanuel Kant: On Recess
Lord of the Onion Rings
Madeline's Last Tango in Paris
Make Way For Drunkards
Mary Poppins In Rehab
Mommy's Little Tax Deduction
My Daddy Takes His Hair Off At Night
Nancy Drew And The Baby Daddy Mystery
Oh, The Places You'll Never Go
Oh, The Things You'd Better Not Do If You Want To See A Dime of Your Inheritance
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Mercury Poisoning
Peter Panhandler
Pippi Fishnetstockings
Richard Scarry's Wonderful World Under the Bathroom Sink
Snow White Gone Wild
Son, You Were An Accident
Spitting Up And Vomiting: A User's Guide
Taxes for Toddlers
Temper Tantrums Made Easy
The Bi-Polar Express
The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe Malfunction
The Little Engine That Could, But Only If It Takes Its Ritalin
The Runaway Bunny On The Milk Carton
The Selfish Tree
The Velveeta Rabbit
The Velveteen Rabbi
The Very Hungry Hippy
The Very Suicidal Caterpillar
True Crime Stories: Of Stolen Lunch-Money
Waiting: What It's Good For
Where The Extension Cord Ends
Where The Wild Thangs Are: A Spike Lee Joint
Where The Wild Things Are: West Hollywood

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Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.