Neale Godfrey: Return to the Nest
Jill Patir: Hug Your Loved Ones a Little Tighter
Gender-Bending Names: Readers Weigh In
Filed under: Baby Names
In a recent column, the mother of a boy named Azure was dismayed to find that name listed under the girls' column in name dictionaries. The issue clearly struck a nerve. Readers flooded the Name Lady in-box with their own experiences in the gender-bending name world.
Some letters were positive, like the mom of a male Kiley who wrote, "Who cares if it's a boy or girl name, if you like it what does it matter? No regrets here!"
But most -- parents and children alike -- seemed frustrated with life in the androgynous lane. Among parents, the most common complaint was discovering that the male name they chose was turning female. Bearers of androgynous names struggled in childhood but came to appreciate their names as adults. Others remained unhappy, or turned to nicknames or even legal name changes for escape.
Here's a small sampling.
"I always hated having what is traditionally a boy's name [Dale]...I don't like cutesy or nutty names, but after being assigned to boy's PE classes and auto shop (of course I didn't see the advantage of this until later) during my younger days, I would rather have been named Sunbeam."
"My name is Sherrill (male). It caused me grief through my entire life. Now that I'm old enough, however, I'm well known as 'Hawk'....Yes, I am a Hawk, not a Sherrill."
"My daughter's name is Houston. She's been mistaken for a male on a number of occasions. She was actually named after a man. She hated it at first but likes it now."
"What these foolish parents don't seem to realize is that it's the children who have the burden of explaining their own names for the rest of their lives. I still remember all of the teasing I got because I have a boy's name. I am 64 and still cringe when I have to tell how, no, I am not a boy and, yes, Billie really is my 'real' name."
"I wanted my son [Keegan] to sound manly, now dumb people who don't care what their child's name means are ruining it for me and my son. Now he will have to defend his manhood."
"My husband at the time said I could name him Beauregard, Hugh, or Ashley. I went for Ashe. I feel really bad that he has to deal with people thinking he's a girl, but when I step back and relax, he wears it so well. He's fine boned, handsome, polite, artistically gifted and never has a problem with the ladies. Can I get off the guilt now?"
Have you dealt with an androgynous name? Share your experiences! And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
Some letters were positive, like the mom of a male Kiley who wrote, "Who cares if it's a boy or girl name, if you like it what does it matter? No regrets here!"
But most -- parents and children alike -- seemed frustrated with life in the androgynous lane. Among parents, the most common complaint was discovering that the male name they chose was turning female. Bearers of androgynous names struggled in childhood but came to appreciate their names as adults. Others remained unhappy, or turned to nicknames or even legal name changes for escape.
Here's a small sampling.
"I always hated having what is traditionally a boy's name [Dale]...I don't like cutesy or nutty names, but after being assigned to boy's PE classes and auto shop (of course I didn't see the advantage of this until later) during my younger days, I would rather have been named Sunbeam."
"My name is Sherrill (male). It caused me grief through my entire life. Now that I'm old enough, however, I'm well known as 'Hawk'....Yes, I am a Hawk, not a Sherrill."
"My daughter's name is Houston. She's been mistaken for a male on a number of occasions. She was actually named after a man. She hated it at first but likes it now."
"What these foolish parents don't seem to realize is that it's the children who have the burden of explaining their own names for the rest of their lives. I still remember all of the teasing I got because I have a boy's name. I am 64 and still cringe when I have to tell how, no, I am not a boy and, yes, Billie really is my 'real' name."
"I wanted my son [Keegan] to sound manly, now dumb people who don't care what their child's name means are ruining it for me and my son. Now he will have to defend his manhood."
"My husband at the time said I could name him Beauregard, Hugh, or Ashley. I went for Ashe. I feel really bad that he has to deal with people thinking he's a girl, but when I step back and relax, he wears it so well. He's fine boned, handsome, polite, artistically gifted and never has a problem with the ladies. Can I get off the guilt now?"
Have you dealt with an androgynous name? Share your experiences! And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
8-17-2009 @ 2:50PM
mommiedear said...Whatever happened to just good strong names why the gender bending??? Have we all forgotten how hard school is and other kids are on just normal folk let alone a boy named Leslie or Rhonda??? www.truuconfessions.com has a lot of information to add on the subject.
Reply
8-17-2009 @ 10:01PM
Brent Schmidt said...I have two cousin's (female) with boy names... Jordyn and Ryan. Same parents. Was weird at first but it seems normal now.... sorta.
Reply
8-18-2009 @ 10:21AM
Uly said...1. Lesley was originally a male name.
2. Azure is not originally a name at all.
3. If you're 64 and hate your name, nobody is forcing you to keep it. Heck, you can legally change your name just by picking a new name and going by it, although banks don't like it.
Reply
8-18-2009 @ 11:26AM
SKL said...Kiley for a boy? Any color name, especially a non-primary one, for a boy? Seriously. Those parents have a mean streak. Or maybe they are on drugs.
Some adults think it's OK to use a child to reform what they feel is wrong with the world. I think that's highly unethical. If you want to make a statement about name and gender, change your own name.
Reply
8-18-2009 @ 8:41PM
Uly said...Azure means blue. It means blue-blue. I'd call that a primary color :)
8-18-2009 @ 1:48PM
Jamie said...I have a name that is mistaken for a boy and I am a girl. There is even a girl spelling for this and I received the boy spelling. I don't much care for it, but I was never teased over it. I also have a close friend who received a boy name on her birth certificate. I am guessing it is easier for a girl than a boy. This article makes me think of the Johnny Cash song, "A Boy Named Sue". If you have not heard this song before, I suggest you look it up. My two boys have strong boy names. I will stick to that. The worst I had ever seen was a girl named "Wonder Woman". I would be getting my name changed. We all know "Cat Woman" is much cooler (LOL).
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8-18-2009 @ 1:51PM
Mel said...A good friend of mine teaches 1st grade. She just shared a story about a little girl in her class. On the first day of school they went around the circle and said thier names. This little girl said, "My name is Mason and I'm a girl with a boys name!" She was very indignant when she said it so I'm guessing she's already getting comments at the tender age of six!
Reply
8-18-2009 @ 5:32PM
Gwen said...I'm not necessarily a strong proponent of andro names but my problem is that so many of the "gender strong" names are very heavily steeped in religion. I am a Pagan and many of the names people consider to be good names are of christian or jewish origin... and I refuse to name my child anything with that type of connotation... I am actually legally changing my name from Rebecca to Gwendylon because of that issue...
Reply
8-18-2009 @ 7:30PM
Jaime said...OK, so 'Jaime' is still pretty gender neutral (it's pronounced 'Jay-mee', not the Spanish 'High-may'), but it still seems that, at least in my area, 'Jaime' is a popular boys name. And I'm female.
Sometimes, the name is annoying, but more so because people want to pronounce it the Spanish way or spell it wrong than the gender issue. I actually find it pretty amusing when people go by my name and think I'm a guy... especially since I look pretty androgynous.
I don't see a problem with it. It's something that can be changed, either legally or just by using a nickname, and anyway, kids are just too coddled anymore... a bit of teasing is part of growing up.
I knew a guy in high school, named Leslie... he always went by Charlie, but when people teased him about his real name, he'd always just laugh it off. I've also known other people with gender-opposite names, and very few of them have been scarred for life because of it... They just adapt. It's something humans are good at, ain't it?
Reply
8-26-2009 @ 8:24AM
Momof4 said...My daughters' names are Kirby, Korey and Kendall. I intentionally gave unisex names because I read that it works in their favor. here is one example- When applying for a job where a man is preferred, when seeing their names on the resume they will be judged on their skills and experience not by their sex.
Reply
8-26-2009 @ 8:26AM
Mom said...Both are beautiful names! I think it takes a strong female to carry such strong names. I love both of those names for a male or female.
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8-27-2009 @ 5:14AM
Timmarilyn said...so my first name is timmairra, nickname timi, and my middle name is krishnia. between having a crazy spelled first name, a boy nickname, and a deity for a middle name, i have heard it all growing up. but now as an adult i do love my names. and to tell you the truth the more that ive gotten used to what my parents gave me the more that the rest of the has gotten used to my names too. as kids we all go through some kind of ridicule no matter what. id rather be made fun of for my name then something that might hit a little closer to home, and actually matter.
Reply
8-27-2009 @ 10:12AM
kathy said...Boys tend to do worse with "girly" names than girls do with "boy" names. We accept tomboys more readily than we accept "sissies" in our culture. Note that most of the comments above were from females, and the ones from males were usually older males. I think that most people don't want to saddle their boys with a name that will get him beat up. But girls don't usually ge beat up for androgynous names, and it seems to have become WAY more popular in our culture than most people realize. I work with kids, drawing caricatures. I ask each kid their name and spelling because I put it on their drawings. Very rarely do I see a boy with an androgynous name, but the girls are all over the place. The WEIRDEST name I ever saw for ANYONE was "Seven", for a girl.
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8-27-2009 @ 4:08PM
Dani said...My name was originally Danielle, but I felt like shortening it to Dani just fit me bender. I personally chose to have a gender bending name. Yes, it surprises people sometimes, and yes, they think I'm a guy when they hear my name, but I don't mind.
It adds a bit of spice to life.
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12-17-2009 @ 6:17PM
Kelly said...I am a 20-something guy named Kelly who doesn't have any problems with his name, and I'd be happy to give my son a unisex name as well. As for Kathy's comment on how most of the guys with unisex names are older, I invite you to read this post on my blog which mentions how the younger generation is more accepting of such names than you think (replace the spaces in the URL with dots and add the "http" and related punctuation at the beginning):
millennialkelly blogspot com/2009/07/generations-and-attitude-towards-unisex html
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