The Real Reason Behind America's Lack of Civility: Parents

It's not what you say to your children, it's how you live your life.

Children respond the same as their parents respond to situations.

We parents must be what we want are children to be.

Reply

Patricia - Agreed 100% Our children learn by watching us - whether we wait patiently in lines and whether we stay calm during conflict and stressful situations, etc..

Rachel - Good post. A major issue I see is that way too many parents (who think of themselves as good, decent people) spend less and less time with their kids as they become older. Selfishly, these parents leave their kids to their own devices while the parents do their "own thing." To me, this is sad and selfish - they signed up for this responsibility and it doesn't end when their kids outgrow a carseat!!

The bus driver should have stopped the bus and called the police right away. It lasted too long - this criminal assault was not handled properly by the adult in charge.

Reply

I think one of the reasons for lack of civility in this country is the "It's All About Me" attitude most people have. 20 years ago, this was considered a childish attitude, one that we would grow out of as we aged. Only most people didn't grow out of it, and indeed passed it along to their children. Now it seems most (not all, but most) people have the attitude of "What's in it for ME? How can I benefit from this?" whenever they are deciding how to proceed in a situation--not just children, mind you, but, if we're bringing up politics, then how about Congress and the Senate? It seems as if no laws can get passed unless the particular politician is benefiting from it in some way. How can we expect kids to behave and do the right thing, when the people who have the highest positions in the country don't?

I think we all need to stop worrying so much about ourselves as individuals, and make a few sacrifices for the greater good. Whatever happened to wanting to leave the world a better place for our children? Thats why our grandparents fought in WWII, but I guess they didn't pass that message along to their children, who in turn forgot to mention it to their children and so on.

I can't tell you how many people are surprised that I hold doors open for them--and that makes me sad.

Reply

I love how biased Rachel is. Interesting at the bottom of the article that she tells President Obama and the media to discuss manners and civility, but her Republican Joe Wilson is not addressed at all. So it's okay to be uncivil if you're Republican?

At any rate I do find manners appalling in the country and yes, it is time for parents to address this with their children and stop treating their kids like they are unique and special little snowflakes who have the right to disregard manners.

Reply

Can't we keep politics out of Parentdish? I know your husband is running for Congress and you're a paid political pundit, but why bring any politics into this blog about responsible parenting? The topic of raising compassionate, responsible, civil children is strong enough - and quite frankly-challenging enough on it's own. I'd love to hear opinions and ideas from parents, without the political bashing. We all get it, you don't like Obama.

Reply

The fact is that people teach there childern alot, but most parents have forgotten somewhere down the line to teach their young some respect in gerenal. We as a nation have depended on T.V, video games, teachers, and anyone an everyone esle to do our job raising our young for generations. I have 4 little girls an it seems no matter how much i tell them to use there manners, to respect there elders, to refer to adults as Mr. or Mrs. (last name), that most of the time. I feel like im talking to a brick wall. My 10 year-old is always telling me my friends dont have too. It is true in todays world most kids raise them selves or are raised in a daycare till they are able to stay at home on their on. I'm a sinlge mom, i can honestly say if it wasnt for my mom and my family my 4 girls would spend half there lifes in a daycare not with me to be able to teach them morals,respect, self control, an everything esle they need as an adult in this world. Yes its the parents job to teach their childern these things but in todays world its not like 50 years ago when you came in the door from school mom was there and dad was at work. Now even if your lucky if mom an dad are still together, it still takes two parents to support their family... so the question becomes how do we fix this...how do we teach our childern morals when we as their parents spend such little time with our young....Its hard to pass something down or teach something when you see your childern 3 to 4 hours in the evening and every other weekend in my case and in most cases in america...so instead of pointing fingers like little kids lets step up help solve the problem.

Reply

AMEN... IT HAS BECOME DISFUSTING AND YES, IT STARTS WITH PARENTS.

Reply

Unfortunately, parents are allowing the entertainment industry (which glamorizes the "pack" mentality exhibited here) to raise their children.
Respect is something that used to designate someone as a hero or a "star". The media idolizing ruthlessness is a trend that will dissipate...if society knows what's good for it.

Reply

Lack of civility is a MAJOR problem in our society, and along with that comes the increasing brutality we are seeing on a daily basis. The common values of kindness, compassion, respect, and love seem to be things of the past, the LONG past! I agree that parents play a very major role in this happening today, and there may be many 'reasons' the parents seem to have lost control and come across as excuses...but until our society as a whole put God back in their lives, and live by the examples He intended for us to use in our daily living, i.e. be kind to one another, do not commit adultery, do not kill, do not covet others property, do not put any other God (money, over priced homes and cars, drugs, alcohol, etc.) before me, honor your mother and father (and others), do not steal, then MAKE the time to take their children to church so children can learn what a true happy life is all about, and how to obtain it, our children will only continue to be sucked into the world of evil and deception. No, I am not a Bible thumping, soapbox proponent everyone that everyone is going to hell unless you do this or that, but I do believe that when parents lose hope and fear their children, because they threaten to call CPS if they don't get their way, they are failing their children. Believe it or not, most children desire 'structure and discipline' in their lives and who do they look to first for that? Their parents!! Why? Because they then know their parents care and love them! And if the parents don't have enough motivation to do that for their kids and STICK WITH IT, then the kids feel like if no one cares about me or what I do, then I will show them, and the rebellion begins, and only escalates. Parents wake up...you are the examples your kids begin their learning from...what are YOU teaching them? You are not just in blaming anyone else, until you look at yourself real hard first.

Reply

I agree we do suffer from a lack of civility and it is handed down from mother and father to child they imitate out ourbursts our lack of patience and out coarseness and diregard as a society to another person's pain and suffering. We are uncivila dn there has to be somehting we can do about it. On www.truuconfessions.com moms have spoken out.

Reply

The things happening in this world today have been going on for a couple of decades but has worsened in the past few years. It doesn't help matters to have a so called leader that supports things that aren't biblical.
The way a child acts reflects on the parents! If you let your child run wild, do what he/she wants to do then reap the rewards of how you brought them up!
I have heard parents say to me that they can't do anything with their kids---this is b.s! They just don't want to. It is less for them to have to deal with if they just let them do what they want.
There are parents like myself, that do teach their children to respect themselves and others.
It tears my heart out to know parents that actually run the roads rather than be home to make sure their kids are fed and safe. The parents in my opinion need their rear ends beaten with a strap for allowing their kids to turn into monsters!!!

Reply

The reason people are bringing up politics is that our new president wants all of us & our children to idolize him and the liberal left continues to remove any sign of God or Christianity in our schools and lives (we wouldn't want to offend anyone by praying or saying "God" in school!). He is worried more about how we can perpetuate handouts and freebies instead of making people responsible for themselves. If we continue on this selfish, what's in it for me path, this is where we are headed.....the problem is that the people having all the kids aren't responsible or educated and they don't care about anyone but themselves.

Reply

I believe the disruption in manners and plain ole respect for each other in this era is due to boredom (and poor parenting). Techonology allows us immediate gratification in everything we do, talk to, educate, and parent. We basically don't have anything else to occupy us. We don't have to take the time to go to the library to read, or go to the grocery to shop, or go to a department store to shop, or go to the post office to mail something or write a check to pay a bill..We adults just don't have anything else to do with ourselves and our kids are worse than that. They are given cell phones at 7 or 8 as "safety devices" and are afraid to play outside
or stay in their room by themselves and think. It's just a real shame that civility, manners and etiquette are circling the drain for adults/parents and have gone down the drain for most kids. I don't see any way to get this back!!!

Reply