Woman Terminates Adoption Because She Can't Bond With The Child

I am a foster father. In the plethora of hours I spent in class, they told me that to return a child after adoption (whatever the age) is damaging to the child. Without knowing the specifics, and without making a judgment, I cannot comment further. I do know that my experience doing foster-to-adopt has been bittersweet, and very rewarding at the same time. I miss my two foster children that were returned to their natural parents very much. It is a testament, though, that the system does work. Just know this: it is a baby's life you are affecting. Keep in mind that fact before you sign the papers.

This poor child. Not only was he abandoned when he was left on the side of the road, he's now being abandoned again. What the heck are people thinking with they play with people's lives this way? He's a child.....do your job....you opted to adopt him...he didn't go looking for you!

Ok, I have to say that I have very strong feelings about this issue. Mind you, I am only twenty years old and have no children of my own. My husband has two children and I can say for certain that it does not take 18 months to bond with a child. It takes a lifetime.
If you choose to adopt, or marry into children, or even have children of your own, you have made a life long commitment. It is not a decision you make overnight or even a week or two. It is something that not only needs to be your decision but everyone elses in your household also.
I moved to California from Alaska when I was six years old. I moved in with my father and his wife and her two children. It took me until last year to bond with my new family. Not a year not two, a whole 14 years. It is not easy but it was a commitment that my family took before I ever arrived.
Of course there are going to be issues with the baby she adopted, she found him on the streets! He was more than likely already in the mind set that no one loved him, or ever would. I read a book that had a story very similiar to this in it. There was a six year old girl who's parents gave her up and she got adopted a few times and finally ended up at a house that she was certain would not be her last. She faught and cried and screamed with her new mother because she knew that no one would keep her. But the mother continued to love her and the girl finally realized that she had a home for once in her life.
Even if this was just a baby she adopted, the baby is what matters, not you. If you adopt a child it is not for your own good or what you get out of it. It is for that baby and how the baby will grow up and live. If there was a connection problem, I assure you it is not a baby's fault. Sorry, but you shouldn't have adopted if you were not ready to be a parent to a child, no matter what that child does.

True. She was trying to fulfill her selfish needs, rather than an adopted mother doing it for altruistic reasons.

the problem is not the bond on that family but the color she is just a red neck trying to get some fame out of this small issue. the kid is black she is a red neck that explains it all. 99.9% red necks have racist issues.

Why did she wait 18 months? It couldn't have taken her that long to realize she didn't bond with the baby!! Imagine what it will do to the child?
That poor baby, that is the most important time for the baby to bond with the parents! The child must be going thru some trauma, wondering where it's mommy is! That woman should have thought about the child's welfare and what it could do to the baby's life, as the child grows.
OMG, the poor baby!

18 months seems like a reasonable to to bond, if one is going to bond. Better 18 months than keeping the baby and the baby feeling that it is not loved like its siblings. The adoption agency should find a way to ask the right questions so that this never happens to another child. I hope this baby NEVER hears this story or how he was left at the side of the road. So heartbreaking.

It would be very easy for me to say this woman returned this child because she found it more difficult than she thought to raise a child of another race. Or what she originally felt for this abandoned child was more sympathy than love which turned into regret.

Whatever the cause may be, I am happy she returned this child since she obviously did not love him and could not bear to have him around any longer. There are too many cases of adoptive and natural parents abusing children they do not/cannot love.

I pray for all children who are unloved and unwanted. And I thank God for all the adoptive mothers and fathers that love these children and raise them as if they conceived and gave birth to them.

What a tragedy this story is. In fact I was so angry with this article and the selfishness of Anita Tedaldi that I didn't even finish reading the article, makes me ill. This poor infant was left on the side of the road for godsakes. Was there anyone that explained to Anita Tedaldi that certain adopted children will experience anxiety separation issues even if they never knew their biological parents.
My next questions is, what Social Worker did the required Home Study on this family prior to placement of baby D. All personnel, agencies,lawyers etc. that were involved in this finalization of this adoption should be sickend and ashamed fo this entire situation and that they allowed this selfish individual Anita Tedaldi to even consider adoption. And to you Anita Tedaldi shame on you. I wish you a lifetime of quilt for what you have done to this poor innocent child. Remember this was an innocent child, not a puppy that you picked out at the animal shelter and you can return because it didn't "work out".
God Bless Baby D and I pray that he is placed in a home soon that will love, care, and nurture him for the remainder of his precious life.

I do research at a major University. What is missing from the comments is the brain development that occurs during the first year of life. If constant nurturing by the mother and attachment doesn't occur immediately after birth through the first year of life, it may never occur. Anita Tedaldi was given a child that was at or slightly under a year old. The child seemingly was the victim of systematic neglect by his biological mother. The segment talks about little baby 'D' was given to the Tedaldi's with signs of neglect (his head was flat due to being in a crib for extended period--which means he likely was left alone and had to soothe himself) and that he was found on the side of the road.

The book, "The Boy that was Raised As a Dog" written by a gifted child psychologist at the University of Chicago emphasizes the importance of nurturing and attachment during the first year of life. It brings up tragic stories of what happens to a person who endures systematic neglect during the first year of life both as children and as adults. The brain needs to be stimulated through touch and nurturing in order to develop empathy. Baby "D" may have been a victim of his biological mothers neglect. He will always need love and nurturing, but may always have some difficulty attaching and developing a sense of empathy.

After adopting two children myself and dealing with bonding issues, I can go into a pediatrician's office and tell in a few minutes which children are bonding with their moms and which ones are not. Don't judge this lady! She was an experienced mom and STILL didn't have enough tools to connect with this child and have a successful adoption.

Few people understand the heartache of a failed adoption. Fewer still would even try to adopt. Anyone outraged can try to be more understanding when they are around a child screaming in a grocery store. County agencies throughout the country can't keep up with the numbers of neglected and abused children, both biological and adopted. If more resources were used to help parents instead of condemning, there would be fewer failed adoptions and fewer children needing adoptive parents. EDUCATION. MENTORING. MORE HELP FOR PARENTS. That's what's needed. Millions of parents are struggling to have a happy family but just can't do it alone.
My suggestion to Mr. Brent Singer...learn more about reactive attachment disorder and tell the story that NEEDS to be told.

Did anyone tell her about Reactive Attatchment Disorder?! Sounds like she expected the experience to be just like that of her experiences when she brought her birth children into the family. She was clearly not paying attention in adoption parenting classes! The journey of adoption is just that....a journey. One with ups and downs, scarey moments and joyful moments. What a selfish and controlling woman she is! That baby deserves a much better mother!
God knows what he's doing!

This is horrible!! she acts like this child is a dog and when it doesnt work out u can just take it to the pound.. did she ever think about disorders the child may have that causes children not to bond.. reactive attachment disorders? It is so sad that one family failed him and then the one that was supposed to be there to pick up the pieces also failed him! this child is going to grow up thinking that no one wanted him.. how sad is that!! im sorry but this lady is a B&*^%!!! dont adopt if u are not going to follow through and are not ready for EVERY POSSIBLE SCENERIO!! .. would u give up ur "biological" children if they didnt bond? this is a truly heartbreaking story for this poor little boy!

The big white/black elephant in the room:
is race a factor? Black baby boy; White adoptive parents-- the short of it is, interracial/cross cultural adoptions are not easy.(no value judgment or political statement here) There are multiply challenges! Starting with preconceived notions or dispositions; and, expectations of the adopting parents. I agree with many of the post below, when they suggest this case raises more questions about the mother and the father, which could add more perspective and context for their decision. At the end of the day, the best interest of the child is to be received in a loving and nurturing family environment! Hence, if that was NOT the baby's reality with the Tedaldi's, he could possibly be treated more like a burden then a "present", not from the adoption agency, but from a higher source. Thus, he will better off in a new home where the BOND is stronger and healing needed to mitigate the feelings of rejection this child of God has already painfully experienced more than those of us who have reached adulthood.

This is sad and it makes one believe even more so that children of color should remain with their own. What is this bonding issue about. With your own children there is a difference therefore in adopting a child will be just as different. Perhaps he would not be the assess she expected. She did mention about his special needs.

That poor baby. I think she should of given him back only because he deserves better than her. I agree that the adoption agency must not of scened her thoroughly. She says that He didn't bond to her? First off, children feel when they are not loved...she says she tried. I have a hard time believing this. Second, this child was abandoned...no telling what he had to endure in such a short period of time that affected him. If one of her biological children ended up with a mental condition like autism where they too sometimes have a hard time showing connection...would she just return that baby too? So sad! I pray that child will find unconditional love somewhere.

I feel sad for the child as do I for alot of the kids in my neighborhood being raised with one parent. I wanted very much to follow my family line and have children but a drunk driver saw to that. I now wish I new how to adopt and would love to take that little life into my world and raise him with my wife like he was ours. Or at least treat him like he was, not like I can bring him back to wallmart. God be with that child and please help find him a loving home. I am in my 40s and crying while responding to this, but I like to think good things come to good people. Best of luck little one.

She sounds completely selfish. She wanted something from the baby. As you said, "it's about Mom." Adopting should be about the BABY!!! She is a self-centered, selfish individual. I don't care if there are "facts" we don't know. Even if the baby is a "crack" baby and is difficult (which she gave no indication of) -- too bad. You assumed responsibility FOR A LIFE, A HUMAN BEING!! Live up to that responsibility, don't shirk it. Not bonding "on a visceral level," and especially blaming the infant, is ABSOLUTELY absurd! SELFISH, SELFISH, SELFISH!

This is sad. But it is best now than to read about this little boy being abused later on in life my this woman.

I don't think what she did was wrong. You can tell that she tried to bond. I think it was the best thing for her to give him up. She could of kept him and he would of always felt like he wasn't part of a family. You can't force love or a bonding. It's either there or it isn't. So there was a happy ever after for the little boy. He found a home that he was meant to be in. So be happy with that and stop judge in people like you are saints.