Sex Ed: When Is the Right Time to Have 'The Talk'?

Um, Rachel? Your daughter just DID come to you with questions and you distracted her by acting clueless about what she was talking about, and seeming more interested in your soup than her. If there is a girl in the 4th grade who has been vistited by "sporty", then ALL the girls are talking about it!! I think you missed a great oportunity, and hopefully she gives you at least one more chance. Because otherwise, she WILL get her info from the other kids, and no, she will not neccessarily share her it with you, because she can probably sense your uncomfortableness. And, BTW, knowing how our bodies work should really not be confused with "sex-ed", as you imply in your post. A final heads up, since you mentioned American Girl Dolls - they have a fantastic series of age-appropriate books out on various subjects such as puberty, boys, manners, girl-friend conflicts, etc. Could help.

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I'm glad to hear that some moms would rather let their daughters be little girls as long as they can be one. I did not think it was the schools right for them to teach our children about sex issues either. They grow up too fast and their innocence needs to be protected.

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Finally, someone with some sense on rearing kids. I completely agree with your approach. Why put curious thougths in your child's mind that they aren't curious about already. Sometimes people accuse me of sheltering my children. To that I say, I hope I can shelter them from the world and protect their innocence as long as I can. Isn't that our job as parents anyway? Why rush them into adulthood. There's plenty of time for that later in life.

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I really appreciate what you said. I, too, want to talk to my kids about the birds and the bees when they are ready.

I also agree with your assessment of the WII. There is a book that talks about how we as parents are taking away desire from our kids. They get things before they can use them or even want them. Learning how to wait, enjoying the anticipation, working toward something~all very valuable lessons.

I really enjoy what you have to say!

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Well, there you go again you editors and writers of AOL articles!
You showed a picture of a little girl who died and before she died, she wrote notes and hid them. So I clicked on it in order to read the details and AS USUAL there was no story about the notes or the little girl. This happens with regularity and it is so DAMNED frustrating I could SCREAM!

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I grew up with 8 older sisters and a neighborhood in Iowa full of girls and very few boys, so I was faced with this at a much early age than most kids in the late 70's and early 80's.

I think as parents we over complicate this issue. Just be honest with your children from the start with baby steps. There is a fear in some circles that talking about this means they will go and do it and have babies at an early age. I had my first experience at age 13 and my first child at age 33, so I don't subscribe to that belief. It came down to my patents and sisters being open with me when it came to this issue and others.

We have a 3 year old son, named Zaire. Mommy and I always tell him that he came from mommy's belly. That daddies and mommies make babies. We will continue to add bits and pieces as he gets older when moments present themselves. Whether that be a women having a baby on TV or something else. We will also instill in him our belief that babies should wait until you are in your 30's and with someone you know will be a great mother and that you care about.

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Just to restate what I was saying above - I am all in favor of letting children be children as long as they want, HOWEVER, Rachel's daughter appeared to be reaching out to her mother to give her some answers, and Rachel appears to have distracted and diverted her daughter so that the facts were avoided. I just hope that both mother and daughter have another chance at it, before the little girl decides that her friends are better resources. I see an opportunity missed.

And PS - what's wrong with letting your husband have a Wii for Christmas - do you monitor the number of hours he spends on the electronics like you would a child?

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I agree that children shouldn't be talked to about sex until they're ready, but if a child is approaching the age where a parent hit puberty, even if they haven't asked, I think it's time for the talk, that way they know what to expect. I don't know about boys, not being one myself, but I think for girls, it is important to talk about puberty and prepare them for what's to come, because girls do talk about it early and often amongst themselves, especially if they have older friends or sisters. Since most of my friends were older than I was growing up, I learned a lot from them, and very little from my own mother until years later. But then again, it's not as if puberty and sex go hand in hand. One can broach one subject without the other. Puberty especially is a difficult time for kids, and they need to be reassured that the changes they are going through and what they are feeling is completely normal.

And the thing about pulling your kid out of sex ed class is, while you have that right as a parent, it's not like your kid isn't going to know what was discussed, because the kids will talk to each other about it, and your child's friends will fill her in. If I were in that position, I would find out just exactly what the curriculum is--if it's strictly anatomy and physiology, or if it encompasses more advanced sexual topics--and then make a choice. Because if it's just anatomy, there's no harm in that. But safe sex isn't really a fourth grade topic.

So I guess in my opinion, the sex talk isn't really just a one-time thing, because there are different stages of it, and your kids will let you know when they're ready for each stage.

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I get what she is saying about not giving kids information before they are ready or interested, but really, is she going to wait until the day the school nurse calls her to come get her daughter because she has started her period? And if one of the girls is getting her period, does she think that information (some of it surely inaccurate) is not getting to her daughter? This "innocence," as she calls it, that she wants to maintain for her child, may be more about trying to keep her daughter that way, than what is really right for the child. Menstruation is a normal bodily function for girls and is happening at a younger age with every generation. When I was in 5th grade, we had a ridiculous (but completely non-threatening) little cartoon movie we (girls) watched while the boys went out for recess, and guess what? I still had no idea about sex--just that it was all somehow related to "growing up" female. Just because you share some information doesn't mean you have to describe sex acts. And by the way, I think her husband wants a Wii...

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This is a tough one - I know! When my son asked one day (at 6 Ithink) where babies come from, I told him that the sperm from the daddy mixes with the mom's egg and the baby grows in the mommy's uterus. His follow up question was, "But how does the sperm get intothe mommy?" I paused and said in my most professional tone, "Throughthe penis." He ended his questioning and I took that as he wasn't ready to hear more (and I was so relieved). About a year or two later, however, he revisited his line of questioning and asked how the sperm got out of the penis. I paused again and said, "When you are ready to make a baby, it will come outof the penis." No further questions (phew!). But inevitably he will return to the subject and I will answer his questions the most age-appropriate way I can (and without making up lies, which I don't believe in).

Too much info by your standards for a 7 year old? Probably. BUT as you say, you know your kid best and I believe he should be a subject matter expert about his own body and its amazing capabilities (which also brings with it a responsibility as sole owner of his body). Learning about your body is not the same thing as learning about human sexuality or becoming/feeling sexual. I only ask one thing, please tell your daughter about her period before it happens. Why should she be scared unnecessarily?

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My 4th grade daughter watched the public school video on puberty, and growth and developement in males and females, which I previewed out of concern. It was well done and well recieved. The 6th grade video, after preview and urging from my daughter and other parents made the opt-out category. This CTW Video had a liberal dose of way too much info! The public school oversteps it's bounds here. I like the educate about sex from home philosophy. So many supportive resourses are available. I like the books The Princess and the Kiss, The Squire and the Scroll, and the 3 gifts of Christmas to help frame morality and chastity discussions. Google abstinance education for more guidelines. Parents get ready!

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if you don't tell her first someone else will and it won't be with love and concern in their heart. Most parents want them to learn about sex from them. Most kids learn about it from other kids ands from media. This was an opportunity, a teachable moment, if you will. You allowed it to pass you by but it may not be too late to remind her of her question. Don't wait for the "big" conversation we all dread. Make it a series of small talks. Don't wait for "sporty" or anything/anyone else.

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She should be told about menstruation before it starts, it van be frightening for a child if she know s nothing about it. Many girls start around the age of 11 no matter hoe child like they still seem. It is not just the very developed girls that start early.

If there is a special day at school, you can bet there will be talk about it and she will hear about form her classmates. Via via information is never 100% accurate so she will be more confused than if you just let her go to the special class.

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