Sex Ed: When Is the Right Time to Have 'The Talk'?

Exactly. This wasn't a true assesment of a child not being ready. It was deep relief that they can prolong a difficult situation longer. Letting the kids be in charge is never a good idea.

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Pretty sure neither of my parents gave me the "sex talk". School actually took care of that for them. We learned about puberty in 5th grade and little more about it in 6th. Seventh grade was when the actual sex came along. We learned about contraceptives, abstinence, and some about STDS. HIV, AIDS, and STDS came more in to detail eighth grade. The most my dad ever told me was "keep your legs closed", and seeing that I was learning the above it was easy. Honestly what got me the most of those years of Sex Ed was the fear of teen pregnancy. Scared me more than STDS. And finally in my junior year biology class the "miracle" of birth video was watched. I won't be having kids anytime soon.True it is no one told me I'd have a period until 6th grade, but I was fine. Since my dad was the single parent in my life he was the one to take me to Wal-Mart to shop for my first bra and package of pads. Without having a parent-to-child "sex talk" i made my own choice to not lose my v-card til marriage. But that changed when I lost my virginity at 18. LOL! So in conclusion to my life's story I will say that some kids figure it out but want the "talk" for back up. And talk to your kids about sex.

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WOW - at 10 your daughter doesn't know how her own body works? YIKES - she is in for a shock when "sporty" comes to visit and she thinks she's dying or something - poor kid.

She asked and you ignored her. That's not a grea parenting moment. Leaving her ignorant of her own bodily functions (which are amazing really) will not make her stay a little girl or make her lose her innocence.

I was a 10 year old playing with dolls 24 years ago when I hit puberty. Yep, 10. My older sister was 9. That's just the way it's always been in my family. Thankfully, because my mother educated me, I wasn't caught unaware. Also, it in no way made me stop playing with dolls.

Educate your children - they need to know about how their bodies develop and they do need to know about sex (once again, it's not going to make them run out and have sex just because they are educated). Waiting until they are teenagers is far too late.

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I am conservative, but I have to agree that your daughter is ready for an age-appropriate "talk." She asked you, and besides, some girls start "sporty" at her age, so she ought to have some warning just in case. I think it's fine that you were sort of "saved" at that particular moment, but if I were you, I'd be using that extra time to plan a "talk" very soon.

I grew up in a religious family and went to a religious school, yet I learned about how babies are made in the 2nd grade, and about puberty in 4th grade. It certainly didn't make me want to go have sex - GROSSSS is what I would have said to that, assuming I didn't run off and hide for the rest of the day. I feel it's better to talk about the mechanics before the hormones start rushing through the body, so you can have an objective discussion. Hormones are what makes tweens stupid. At age 10 they are brilliant. Don't miss this opportunity.

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When your children comes to you and ask you about sex, then that's the time to tell them about sex. And not before. Because if you tell them about sex without them asking you, you might be jumping into something that they are not ready for.

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I absolutely applaud your decision to not sign the permission slip...I, too, took the exact same stance when it came time for my daughter to learn about sex in her public school. I am her mother, and it is my responsibility to teach and guide her about such intimate and delicate topics...further, I wanted to supplement our discussion with what our Christian beliefs are on the subject. We have since had our discussion, and I answered all of her questions, and it was a really nice bonding experience...I waited until she was ready, and let her questions be my guide...overall it went pretty well, and she told me that she was happy that we discussed it at home privately, rather than having to hear it at school.

Bottom line, every parent needs to do what they feel is best for their child, and for those parents that absolutely can't bring themselves to discuss such things, perhaps they are relieved to have the school do it for them, but for those of us that wish to handle such private subjects in the privacy of our own home, opting out of "sex ed" is ultimately the best choice for us.

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My Mom's policy was always "If they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to know." Thank goodness my younger sister asked what our older sister meant when she said she needed pads, and thank goodness Mom gave her a good answer, because she turned out to be an early bloomer. She came home from camp at age nine with some hair that wasn't on her head. I knew another girl who was such an early bloomer, she was already growing pubes and wearing bras and deoderant in third or fourth grade. She also was the youngest of four kids; she was the only girl out of the four. I wonder how she survived.

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Parents should do what they feel is right for their children. Every child is different, just like every family is different. However, we all have the same concerns for our kids. We want them safe, happy, healthy etc. I think it's important for girls to know about their period. They could get it in school (like I did) and have no idea what to do. Tellling a girl about her body and how it changes is NOT having a sex talk. But remember being in school? There were kids in school with older sibs or parents that already had given them THE TALK and they gave THE TALK to me. If you keep your child out of school the day of sexual education, the next day all her friends WILL fill her in. It's just how it is.

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I’d just really like to reiterate that sex and bodily functions don’t have to go hand in hand but girls should know what’s going to happen long before it does.

Have the talk Rachel, your daughter did ask. You can keep her home from school and have all the warm fuzzies of being with her but talk to her or she won’t come to you in the future if she thinks you will side step the question. I’m not slamming you in any way, it probably shocked you but I think in her own way, she was asking you and I think the “distractions” could have been nervousness on her part and you may have made hot chocolate and had her sit down with some private time with you for a chat.

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You're right - start them when they ask questions. Just remember to tailor the answers to the age of the child. My girl wanted to know "just how the baby gets in a mama's tummy" when she was four - her aunt was pregnant, and she was curious. So, I explained in the simplest terms about sex. (There ARE books out there in your local library to help you explain sex to toddlers, and they're good.) She remembered very little of the explanation until, a year and a half later, her aunt and uncle went for baby number two and my daughter asked to be reminded. As a result, she isn't shocked or upset by this information, and she doesn't attach any weirdness or stigma to it. As she gets older, we've added small bits of relevant information - we usually wait until she asks. And I do believe you can have it both ways: Your kids can know the basics, and protect themselves when necessary, AND keep their childhoods.

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little second second graders watch porn and know all the details bout sex. parents cant do anything bout sex education so stop trying

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Okay...your daughter is 10? And a girl in her class got her period so she asked about it. I got my period when I was 11-it's not too far off for your daughter. Just because she doesn't seem that curious isn't an excuse to not talk about it with her. She could get her period at school one day and have NO clue what is going on! See:"Carrie." You might want to think about bringing up puberty with your daughter ASAP.

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Thanx for the valuable information. This was just the thing I was looking for, now I wont buy a video game for my child untill he asks....... keep posting. Will be visiting back soon.

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My daughter is six, has asked numerous questions about menstruation, babies and body parts. She has been told the names for clitoris, vagina, vulva, anus, urethra, penis, ovaries, testicles... and she remembers some of them. We don't use euphemisms because it makes it seem like these things are not as acceptable as arms, eyes and stomachs. She asks, we answer and she retains what makes sense to her. Children who don't have the words and the experience that these are okay words to say and okay things to talk about will have neither the vocabulary nor the comfort to tell someone they have been molested, nor will they know that there are parts of their body that no one should touch except them.

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Amen Rachel! I'm with you all the way on this... It's ridiculous. And this is also reason #24,386 why I homeschool! ;-)

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Rachel, your daughter's behavior when you started explaining (looking away, playing with a sister, rummaging in a bag) are all classic signs of embarrassment, not signs of true disinterest. If your child came to you with a question, THAT was your opportunity. The purpose of sex ed in school is to give accurate information to kids who are too embarrassed to ask a parent. You've turned your daughter down on both counts. It's one thing to protect a child from too much information; entirely another to leave a child with no information right when she enters puberty.

Too little information too late is causing major problems, according to the journal Pediatrics: "more than 40 percent of adolescents surveyed said they had already had intercourse by the time their parents talked to them about sex, if they talked to them at all." www.sphere.com%2Fnation%2Farticle%2Fmany-parents-failing-at-sex-education-study-says%2F19270526

I knew a couple of "nice, religious" girls in high school who ended up pregnant, and they both said that their parents had never talked to them about sex, except in the most generic sense. You may think your daughter isn't ready for sex at 16, and you'd even be right. But that won't necessarily stop her from getting pressured into something she doesn't understand. Likewise, avoiding talking about menstruation won't help her any if she gets her period at age 10 or 11 and freaks out.

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Rachel, I'm so glad I found your blog...and particularly this entry. I have a daughter in 4th grade and a son in 5th grade, and this has been weighing heavily on my mind lately...when to have "the talk."

I also believe very strongly that we need to allow our children to be children for as long as we can. I couldn't disagree more with one of the earlier comments I read that said that "Innocence isn't Ignorance." In a lot of ways, innocence DOES involve ignorance. How could it not?

Anyway, after reading what you wrote, it reminded me of a passage from "The Hiding Place," by Corrie ten Boom. I don't have it in front of me, so I can't quote it exactly, but I remember when she wrote about asking her dad something, and he used the example of his carrying a heavy piece of luggage. The bag was too heavy for her to carry. He said that some information was too heavy for her, it wasn't something she was ready to carry yet, and he would give her the information when she was ready for the burden of it.

I think I'll follow your example. I'm not going to give my children information that may be a burden for them to bear. When they evince some curiosity about the topic, I'll let them know what they need to know...and not a bit more.

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My mom did not have the talk with me until one day in 4th grade we got a permission slip to watch a movie. My mom requested to see the movie herslf first. She borrowed it she watched it and then she told me about what I would watch the next day. She gave me a good explanation, told me to watch the movie at school and later that day she took me out for ice cream to discuss it and make sure all my questions were answer. We did not get into any sex talk just puberty changes. Two years later I came home and asked her if we could go buy some pads because I had finally got my period. My point being, she did not let a video do her job as a parent but she also didnt want to make things akward for me at school for not letting me watch the video. Now I have a 13month old son who will learn to call body parts by their REAL names and who will get the talk when its the right time for him.

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