My Kids Want a Dog
Categories: Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Teens & tweens, Chores, Pets
Dear AdviceMama:
My kids (6 and 8 years old) are begging me for a new puppy but I don't think they're going to keep their promises once the newness wears off. They have even written a contract saying they will walk and feed the dog every day for the next 10 years, but I don't see how they're going to follow through when I have to nag them to brush their teeth or do their homework. Still, I think a dog would be a sweet addition to our family. I just don't want to be stuck doing all the work. What do you suggest?
Signed,
Canine Confusion
Dear Canine Confusion:
I suggest that if you want the pleasure of a family pet for many years to come (hopefully at least 10 to 15), you should definitely get a puppy (or a rescue dog.) And if you think it would be really fun to have a puppy, and that it might even prompt your children to learn responsibility by taking care of their cherished new pet, I would suggest you take a long bath or a nice nap so you can start thinking like a sane person again.
Unless tragedy befalls them, all puppies become adult dogs. And while dogs are terrifically entertaining, loyal and companionable, they aren't nearly as cute as puppies. I would say the window of puppy cuteness lasts perhaps two to six months depending on the dog and your children's attention span. After that, you will have yourself another child with poor bladder control, behavior challenges and a tendency to chew on your furniture.
I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but the fact is, you are going to end up taking care of the dog. Sure, at the beginning of their love affair, your kids will be begging to let him sleep in their bed, and will rush home from school to tend to his every need. But within a few weeks or months, the newness will wear off and you will end up reminding and nagging them to keep their promises.
Children are absolutely delightful, but they live very much in the moment. They need us to be what I call the captain of the ship in their lives, which includes managing the mundane details of day-to-day living -- including taking care of a pet.
This is not to say that you can't include dog-related tasks on your children's list of chores. (I'm a big fan of chores, by the way.) Your children can be expected to help feed the dog, pick up the poop and let it out in the morning. But this will require your ongoing input and that's just the way that it is.
A dog can add enormous pleasure to your family, and can offer your children a beloved and faithful friend for life. I would simply urge you to line your expectations up with reality and make sure you don't enter into a bargain with your children that is almost guaranteed to fall apart as the novelty of a new puppy wears off. Best of luck to you!
Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama
AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her new book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is now available.
Have a question for AdviceMama? Submit your question here.
Related: More from Advice Mama on how to deal with bullying and getting your kids to tell the truth.
My kids (6 and 8 years old) are begging me for a new puppy but I don't think they're going to keep their promises once the newness wears off. They have even written a contract saying they will walk and feed the dog every day for the next 10 years, but I don't see how they're going to follow through when I have to nag them to brush their teeth or do their homework. Still, I think a dog would be a sweet addition to our family. I just don't want to be stuck doing all the work. What do you suggest?
Signed,
Canine Confusion
Dear Canine Confusion:
I suggest that if you want the pleasure of a family pet for many years to come (hopefully at least 10 to 15), you should definitely get a puppy (or a rescue dog.) And if you think it would be really fun to have a puppy, and that it might even prompt your children to learn responsibility by taking care of their cherished new pet, I would suggest you take a long bath or a nice nap so you can start thinking like a sane person again.
Unless tragedy befalls them, all puppies become adult dogs. And while dogs are terrifically entertaining, loyal and companionable, they aren't nearly as cute as puppies. I would say the window of puppy cuteness lasts perhaps two to six months depending on the dog and your children's attention span. After that, you will have yourself another child with poor bladder control, behavior challenges and a tendency to chew on your furniture.
I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but the fact is, you are going to end up taking care of the dog. Sure, at the beginning of their love affair, your kids will be begging to let him sleep in their bed, and will rush home from school to tend to his every need. But within a few weeks or months, the newness will wear off and you will end up reminding and nagging them to keep their promises.
Children are absolutely delightful, but they live very much in the moment. They need us to be what I call the captain of the ship in their lives, which includes managing the mundane details of day-to-day living -- including taking care of a pet.
This is not to say that you can't include dog-related tasks on your children's list of chores. (I'm a big fan of chores, by the way.) Your children can be expected to help feed the dog, pick up the poop and let it out in the morning. But this will require your ongoing input and that's just the way that it is.
A dog can add enormous pleasure to your family, and can offer your children a beloved and faithful friend for life. I would simply urge you to line your expectations up with reality and make sure you don't enter into a bargain with your children that is almost guaranteed to fall apart as the novelty of a new puppy wears off. Best of luck to you!
Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama
AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her new book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is now available.
Have a question for AdviceMama? Submit your question here.
Related: More from Advice Mama on how to deal with bullying and getting your kids to tell the truth.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Elizabeth 11-23-2009 @ 8:43PM
The AdviceMama sounds very negative about this subject, when actually adding a pet to the family can be a very positive thing. Not only can it teach children responsibility, but how to care for another living thing and put its needs before their own, great lessons for life.
There are several books and articles about getting a family dog, and they all say the most important thing is to determine what breed of dog is best for your family--ie, if you have a small yard, a smaller dog might be better than a St. Bernard. Knowing what breed of dog you are comfortable with is crucial, as many dogs in shelters end up there because people are unaware how big the puppy they got for Christmas will become. Another helpful tip that many experts suggest is to not get dogs during the holidays, as there are many activities and people going and coming. If you get a puppy after the holidays, he will have time to become accustomed to your schedule, and his behavioral problems will be minimal. Also, if you have no experience with animals, I suggest you take advantage of many puppy training classes offered at animal shelters or local pet stores. It can be a bit pricey, but in the long run, it's a great investment.
It is true that when pets enter the family that adults do end up doing a lot of the work, and, as the mother in this article said, she still has to nag her children to brush their hair and teeth, but as any parent will tell you, you always have to tell children to do things more than once. Don't let that be daunting. The more you remind children of their responsibilities, the more they will become routine, and the less you will have to nag them. I'm a big believer in children having pets, but as a parent, it is your responsibility to choose the right pet for your family. Research before you purchase, and it will make the experience a positive one.
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Inadequate Wife 11-24-2009 @ 6:54AM
Elizabeth's comments are right on track. The article is far more negative than it needs to be.
One think I'd like to add is that bringing a new dog into the family isn't "just for the kids" - it's for everyone. The dog becomes an integral part of everyone's lives. A dog that lives15 to 18 years will still be "living at home" once the human kids are off to college.
Dog care rarely fits into the kids schedule without needing parental input anyhow - in addition to the "nagging" parents do for pretty much every chore anyhow, the dog needs walking after the kids go to bed, while they're away at summer camp, etc...
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pamela 12-31-2009 @ 6:00PM
i also think it's great to add a dog to the family, on the other hand at 6 & 8 the kids will really enjoy the puppy but when it comes time for them to help taking care of the "pee" and "poop" accidents they'll wish they never even mentioned a puppy, but also all kids are different and they may not have a problem with it, i would first explain to them what comes along with getting a new puppy, feeding, water, walking, training, and lots of love and affection. it's even good trying first to maybe get them a fish or another little pet first and see how they take care of that, and then talk about getting a puppy!
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K.C 1-14-2010 @ 3:21PM
Every house hold should have a dog, especially when you have kids. You can not expect the young one's to care for the puppy, and you will do most of the training. But the kids wil love the pup and at the same time get bored with it after a few weeks, they are kids. Do not depend on them to take the pup for walks and feed him or her. they will forget of course and you will be the one who takes him out, to the vets, they have to get there nails cut, brushed.
IFyou are willing to do all that for the love a puppy, who can cheer you up when you have a bad day, and make you laugh like never before, plus clean his messes up while training him. just remember the pro's and con's. My kids always had dogs not one but two at a time when they were young. Did I GET HELP, NO. Did I really mind another no, but that is because I loved the dogs and new what to expect. If you have the time to were the dog is not caged up all the time, and you will not mind doing all this(get a puppy) they need love and a good home. Best of luck with what ever you choose to do. Just remember it is like another kid in the house, except they do not talk back to you.
Good luck (K.C)
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