A Childhood Without Sports: How Bad?
Categories: Kids 8-11, Fun & Activities, Sports, Opinions
"Sports are not for every child," says a mom next to me on the playground bench, as her son watches a ball whiz past him and roll to a stop in the sandbox. "What if a child is simply disinclined to be competitive? And why..." she leaned in closer and switched to a stage-whisper, "do his other relatives act like this is a betrayal against the boy's very core?"
Besides, the mom confesses, she was concerned that not being good at sports would make him feel ashamed on the field. Truth be told, she doesn't want him to play. But sports teach children so much about teamwork, sportsmanship ... is it bad if a mom really doesn't want her child to participate? And if so ... how bad?
To find out, I called my friend and Mommy Advisor Rosanne Tobey, director of Calm and Sense Therapy, a counseling service, for her take on the situation.
"I think there's a real value in playing sports," Tobey says. "If you have an active child, recreational sports can be a great way for them to expend all that energy."
"Children need to run and laugh and play," Tobey adds.
So true, I thought, reflecting back to last weekend morning when our children, tired of being cooped up in the house, got busy giving new definition to the term "bouncing off the walls."
And there are other benefits to sports, as well, Tobey says. "There is a lot to be gained about learning about teamwork and helping children understand how children can work together to accomplish a common goal. Sports give children the opportunity to think beyond themselves, to find out how their actions affect others."
So, team sports are all good. With a caveat.
"I think the problem comes when we start to pressure our kids to be successful athletes and the child doesn't share that goal," Tobey said. "If a child gets in a situation that is more competitive than they are comfortable with, it might not be a good fit for them. It's like putting a 5-year-old into 8th grade -- not comfortable."
Here are Tobey's ideas for encouraging a reluctant athlete:
Give it a try. "Kids don't have to be amazing at something to play it," Tobey says. "They may make different friends and learn different skills. Oftentimes, children don't know what they like yet; an 8-year old doesn't have a lot of life experience. He might get on a field and love it, he might hate it."
Be supportive. There's a difference between encouraging a child and making them feel stressed about how they perform, Tobey notes. "You can help them know that their value is not depending on whether or not they succeed in the game."
So what do you do if they aren't doing so well? "First, compliment the skills they are learning, point out what they are doing well already," Tobey says. "Then you can encourage them to continue to strive to put in their best effort -- and if they are doing that already, tell them so."
Know when to quit. What if a child hates a sport and wants to quit? Do some investigating, Tobey advised. "Listen to your child and then ask yourself: Will it damage him to stay in? If the answer is no, consider helping him find ways to enjoy it more. Ask your child if he likes the league and if the answer is "yes, but..." try to find out if there is a detail that you can change, or try a different league ... or a different sport." That said, there are times to quit a sport, Tobey notes.
"There's always the opportunity for bad things to be going on, so your first job is to listen, witness, use your best judgment and of course to protect your child."
If you've ever had a less-than-perfect parenting moment that has left you wondering, "How bad?" Send it to Sabrina at PrincessLPink9@aol.com. She'll try to answer as many as she can.
Sabrina Weill is the founder of the pink and princess-y gift site: PrincessLovesPink. Many of the Mommy Advisors in this column are the writer's personal or professional friends.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Stuart Kaplowitz 11-25-2009 @ 3:40PM
Well said! Sports can be a wondeful way to get our physical energy out. With so much more time needed for school and studies (with less P.E. and recess time as my boys remind me), we need to find more activities for all of us to get out what tends to get stuck in our bodies
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kensunlei 12-23-2009 @ 9:44PM
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During their first three seasons, the Raiders struggled both on and off the field. In 1963, Al Davis was brought to the team as head coach and general manager, and from 1963 until 2002 the team had only seven losing seasons. He also initiated the use of team slogans such as "Pride and Poise," "Commitment to Excellence," and "Just Win, Baby"—all of which are registered trademarks.[1][2][3] Except for a brief term as AFL Commissioner in 1966, Davis has been with the team continuously. Upon his return to Oakland in 1966, he became a managing partner of the franchise.
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Sara 11-25-2009 @ 4:32PM
But one does not need sports to be a complete person.
If a kid doesn't want to play sports then why have them join? There are plenty of other places (scouting, karate, dance, music) where the child can learn the value of teamwork.
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Sifrina 11-25-2009 @ 8:14PM
Sara - I completely agree. There are many other great ways for children to learn how to be a team player.
Sifrina 11-25-2009 @ 8:07PM
Participating in sports or team sports can be an extremely valuable experience but this is simply not for every child. Being active, however, IS for every child. My 7 1/2 year old son is simply not into organized team sports (either as an observer or participant). Maybe this will change someday but I seriously doubt it and that's fine.
So far our son has dropped out of soccer, karate, gymnastics and fencing (which broke my heart because I fence AND because he's left handed, which would have given him a huge competitive edge.) I let him choose his activity (except non competitive swimming, which is non negotiable) but I have bribed him to get him to do cross country, which he wasn't sure about at first but now really enjoys and wants to continue. I cherish our jogging sessions together and it's great to see him laugh and talk the whole time! I think having an active, healthy lifestyle and instilling good habits is more important than sports (team or not). Our area is lacrosse-obsessed, but I just don't see many grown ups doing this in adult leagues for exercise (instead I see some pretty overweight parents on the sidelines at games and meets).
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Nastya 11-26-2009 @ 7:13AM
Sports can also teach kids elitism, bullying, conformity, and exclusionism. They can teach them that everything is about "the group," and be a detriment to their ability to form independent thoughts and opinions, and they can make introverts and shy kids feel that there's something wrong with them.
As for exercise, what's wrong with a good, old-fashioned playground? Why does everything have to be structured and social? Spontaneity and creative thinking are good things, people! Plus, you can exercise many more muscle groups in a playground than on a sports team. Monkey bars for arms, swings for legs, all of it for brain!
I never played sports, but I loved the playground, and I was always in shape in both body and mind. If I had been forced out of my element and made to play sports, I'd have felt like my parents didn't understand me or respect my wishes, and that would have messed me up far more than any hypothetical lack of teamwork skills.
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Laur 11-30-2009 @ 3:43PM
I don't think sports teams are neccessary. Some children are just not the organized sporting type. I sure wasn't. I had fun playing soccer, hockey, and baseball as long as no one kept score and we had common sense rules, no technicalities or any of that stuff. I took soccer for half a season and absolutely hated it. I cried everytime I had to go and begged to skip practices and stuff. I hated the competitiveness...I was more competitive over the last brownie with my siblings than anything else...i'm also the kind of person who really just doesn't care about it. Even at 7, I had other things on my mind than whether or not uber competitive kids I didn't know, didn't go to school with, lived in my neighborhood, and will most likely not see again scored a goal. Now, did I participate? yes. Was I a good sport? yes. I am just not an organized sport kind of person, I'd rather do things on my own or with someone instead of against someone such as biking, climbing, skating, kickboxing...
Excercise is important though. Whatever happened to bike rides? Neighborhood games such as hide'n'seek tag, reg tag, or capture the flag? Games like Capture the Flag sure teach you a lot of about sportsmanship and how to work as a team. I think just kids playing with other kids allows that type of development.
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pamela 12-31-2009 @ 5:44PM
this is a real touchy subject for me, im desperetly trying to get my 11 yr old to get involved in some sport, his dad and i love mma sports and our son does like to watch it also, we want him to try it out, it's great for self esteem and disaplin, but all he wants to do is play halo and watch funny vids on utube! we try and try to get him to try an mma sport or for that matter really any sport! does anybody have any ideas of how to have him try something out? please help!!!!
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cat food 2-07-2010 @ 2:55PM
that child must at least like one energetic thing in life if not i would see a doctor if i were his parents
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