Children Raised on Tough Love Are More Successful, Study Shows
Categories: Development, In The News, Environment
How would you handle this situation? A British study says tough love is best. Credit: mattdm, Flickr
The report, titled "Building Character," says that 5-year-olds "with 'tough love' parents were twice as likely to show good character capabilities," according to the BBC.
But what is "tough love"? Researcher Jen Lexmond from Demos, the organization that released the report, defines "the three most critical parenting aspects" as "confidence, warmth, and consistent discipline," according to its Web site.Of the more than 9,000 British households Demos used in its report, rich kids were "more than twice as likely to develop the key characteristics compared to those with the poorest origins," according to the BBC.
Demos researchers hope that their report will shed some light on what they feel are wasted resources. "Building Character calls for more targeted support for parents who are really struggling," they say on their Web site. "Early years support is wasted on middle class parents who are adept at taking advantage of support services on offer and who tend to be doing the right things at home anyway...Good parenting is key to social mobility and that means supporting struggling parents is something we owe to the kids."
Are they right? Should children from lower-income families receive a bigger share of government resources, because higher-income families already have enough advantages already? Or is that just reverse discrimination?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
KMB 11-28-2009 @ 8:05AM
I think this is a good idea, and is not reverse discrimination . . . this is targeting resources for those that need them most. If this is, then the Social Security System would also be reverse age discrimination.
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Jennifer 11-30-2009 @ 9:30PM
NO. Honestly, income has nothing to do with confidence, warmth, or consistent discipline. Sending Christmas gifts, while a nice gesture for kids who don't get much, doesn't influence children to behave well. The best guidance is free anyway. "If you spare the rod, you'll spoil the child." With our four-year-old, we address behavioral issues immediately with assertiveness and clarity. She has no question what she's being disciplined for and has no problem remembering, if she repeats the behavior, what the consequences will be. She is very outgoing, clever, and she amazes us with what she knows.
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GRAMMY 11-28-2009 @ 1:57PM
I WOULD REPRIMAND THAT BABY IN THE PIC...AND IMMEDIATELY PICK HIM UP AND REMOVE HIM FROM THE STUFF ON THE FLOOR...THAT COULD POTENTIONALLY HARM HIM (MEDICINE ETC.) I WOULD NOT BE SMILING AND TELL HIM NO NO NO... BAD BAD BAD I RAISED MY 3 BOYS WITH TOUGH LOVE...THEY ARE DOCTORS TODAY. WE ARE SO VERY PROUD OF THEM..THEY HAVE A STRONG MORAL CHARACTER AND LOVEING FAMILIES
TODAY'S PARENTS SEEM AFRAID THAT THEY WON'T BE FRIENDS WITH THEIR KIDS. PARENTING IS DIFFICULT BUT YOU MUST PREPARE THEM FOR THE WORLD AND KEEP THEM SFE FROM HARM.
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Amy 11-28-2009 @ 10:15AM
Reverse discrimination!? I happen to know from experience that even with assistance available, the system has to be better organized than it is to work successfully. Maybe we, as the people, need to show "tough love" to our government because its starting to act like it can't do anything for its self and needs constant reinforcement. I hate the word discrimination, for more often than not it is used incorrectly, and is a hot word for getting sympathy from those who think they know what discrimination is, and those who do know what true discrimination is fight it individually and show that despite of the hardships they view it as a challenge to fight and succeed. We have just forgotten how to stand up and do something for ourselves when there is so many others to do the arguing. Here in America this is the "land of Opportunity" but its only available for those who take the bull by the horns. Things don't often fall into the laps of those who are lazy.
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sandee 11-28-2009 @ 11:14AM
I think that this too is a wise idea. parents that are struggling to put a roof over their children's heads in this already differcult economic time; do not have the advantages of a stay a home parent. It's about time that an agency realizes that the people that are really out there trying to do the best for thier families might need a little bit of help. Why does our goverment think that you either have to be completely dependent on them for help or you get no help at all?!!!. why not help the ones that are trying to better themselves; then the ones that sit around waiting for someone else to do everything for them?!!!!. The size of your bank account does not hender your beliefs and values.
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Rin 11-28-2009 @ 12:56PM
Because generally, the number of households and minorities (now turning majorities) that are lazy and would rather someone else do everything for them are outnumbering the number of people/households who Are willing to Prove to the govnerment by their Actions that They deserve help. The low-income people who are really and truely trying to provide for their families by using every means possible are being lost in the cracks because they are shadowed by the massive population of people who are the type constantly chanting "Oh, woe to me, I need pity" because they are too lazy and maybe a little too much of other bad habits to really turn their own situation around. To me, misusing the term "Discrimination" for Any reason is not only a misuse of the Freedom this country won for it's citizens, but a deliberate thumbing of the nose to those workers and families who already sacrificed parts of their own lives to see that they reach their own goals in life.
PTAMom 11-28-2009 @ 1:54PM
I think the tough love comment research is probably accurate. I think many of our generation or maybe my generation praise on their children too much with the effort and work involved being praised. We are a sticker nation. LOL
However, I think that lower income parents may need support; but, middle class parents have limited resources, too. Lower income parents may need to learn how to advocate for their children more effectively with the resources given. We have probably a generation or two that have been parented by social services metaphorically speaking. How do you encourage success when your bottom line is based on economic and educational failure? Agencies need a watch dog which unfortunately means more government; but, some community based organizations are focused on numbers and outcomes that may not be accurate. Accountability is not monitored because parent involvement or feedback is not a part of the process. Some may have a formula and a reputation which has taught them to manipulate the system to their benefit.
On the other hand Middle class parents find themselves expecting the system to work; but, but hard work is not rewarded. Many public schools systems are mediocre and when they need support they are asked to lose it all before they can get support. If they seek help from social service agencies sometimes they are chastised for needing support, due to job lose, illness, need of better resources, etc. However, they are not desired by the agencies because their expectations bring on the accountability that may alleviate the need of a watch dog. However, when you children are involved there is an opportunity for abuse. Schools and these agencies have been given so much power which may be needed at times that parents in this class and their feedback may be a nuisance. The system is broken; but, how do we fix it? The rich are the only ones with a true choice or does the buyer who controls the dollar create accountability?
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Kelly 11-28-2009 @ 3:10PM
Absent acts and omissions of their agents, agencies are incapable of either good or ill. DSHS, to include its subagencies (e.g., CPS), has an over twenty billion dollar annual budget. Using the obvious power which comes with such financial backing, its agents seek to impose what can only be described as mere theories and opinions on parents. Often, those theories are grounded on personal biases. Subsequently hundreds, if not thousands, of individuals are targeted for persecution through fishing expeditions purposed to find a crime (not to gather details on a known crime (4th & 5th Amendment protections). Countless cases exist wherein individuals are treated as if guilty, until proven innocent.
The foregoing has played a major role in instilling fear, which dissuades parents from stopping their children from imposing themselves on others through public tantrums and other absurd childhood behaviors.
The atrocity of abuse aside, I believe it foolish, at best, to make one’s primary role that of esteem builder in a child’s life. That is akin to trying to be a child's best friend, which is often at the expense of parenting. “To everything there is a purpose.”
SKL 11-30-2009 @ 2:09AM
How about some tough love for adults? If tough love works for kids, doesn't it stand to reason that continually subsidizing adults' (including parents') bad choices is counterproductive? The whole point is for kids to realize that bad choices result in problems, and good choices are a prerequisite to desired results. How can they learn that if they see the exact opposite happening to their parents?
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