Anyone who gives your child a musical instrument for Christmas is deliberately tying to make you unhappy. Drums, keyboards, kazoos and string instruments sound nothing like they are intended to sound when in the hands (or mouths) of your average untrained child. Unless, of course, your kid is an undiscovered prodigy. In that case, a thank you note is in order.
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What's worse than a toy that yells at you? How about a toy that yells at you in an overly-energetic recorded voice backed by an annoying techno-pop beat? That's what Bop It does as it instructs players to twist it, pull it, bop it and, of course, SHOUT it. There is even a misleading "quiet mode" that has almost no effect on the noise level this evil electronic toy can create.
Bekathwia, Flickr
Baby Alive has been around for a long time but she seems to get creepier and more annoying as the years go by. Where she used to just coo and cry, she now poops and pees. That's right, she has dirty diapers that must be changed. Even if your kid is totally into changing soiled diapers, you will still be the one running to the toy store for tiny Huggies.
S.L.M, Flickr
This is one of those products that seems so great on television and so very, very horrible on your living room carpet. As the commercial promises, this stuff does not dry out. Ever. It will remain moist and moldable as it find its way into every crack and crevice in your home.
Amazon.com
This really should go without saying, but pets make terrible gifts. Unless it's a goldfish, adding a pet to the family is like adding another child. Except this one never grows up and leaves home. If someone gives your child a pet for Christmas, perhaps you should take a moment to consider what it is you did to deserve this.
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This toy has been annoying parents since 1957! What sets this plaything apart from other annoying toys are the wheels and the handle. Because if there is anything worse than being chased out of a room by incessant popping sounds, it's being followed from one end of the house to the other by incessant popping sounds.
Amazon.com
Thanks to Sesame Street and Fisher Price, you no longer have to attend a wedding reception to be irritated by the Chicken Dance song. Elmo's piercing voice is disturbing enough, but when he's using it to teach your kids to sing and dance to this dreadful song, he's gone too far.
Mario Tama, Getty Images
Though it would hardly seem possible, Barbie got skinnier and even more oddly proportioned after becoming a professional cheerleader. But what really irks is what this doll, recommended for ages 5 and up, is wearing: A skimpy halter top, hip-hugging short shorts, stiletto boots and a come-hither smile.
Business Wire / AP
This toy's entire reason for being is to push parents to the breaking point. A battery-operated megaphone with a voice-modifier, it allows your kids to yell in 10 different voices. The best thing about the Voice Changer is the sound it makes as it hits the bottom of the trash can.
drugstore.com
This gadget lets kids know there is a fun and profitable alternative to finishing school and going to college: Become a tattoo artist! Hours of fun await your future dropout with this vibrating plastic pen and stencil set. The worst thing about the toy tattoo gun is that it is painless. If kids are going to pretend to ink each other up, it should at least hurt. A lot.
Crys, Flickr
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
amy3e 12-03-2009 @ 8:14PM
Yes, sometimes we do make mistakes with the gifts we choose! In our family we tend to spend a lot more time on our family traditions rather than focusing on all the commercial stuff. We do the whole gift thing, but our memories of the holidays are more about our family celebration traditions.. a fun open house, great Holiday themed games like Holiday Hold'em and wonderful Christmas eve entertainment. You can see many of these ideas at
Celebration Ideas Online :(www.celebrationideasonline.com) Happy Holidays to everyone!
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Shoshana 12-03-2009 @ 8:29PM
Good to know Parentdish doesn't support fun and creativity in children. If you don't want the noise, don't have kids.
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momof 2amazingstudents 12-03-2009 @ 8:35PM
Stupid, Stupid, Stupid....I cannot believe that one would think that giving a toy whistle, kazoo, or other musical instrument is a poor gift choice for a small child. Whatever happened to creativity???? Has anyone out there read the studies comparing academic success to musical achievement? SAT scores, drop-out rates, self-esteem, etc. etc. are ALL postively affected by participation in music and the arts. The brain is designed for music and it positively affects ALL the regions of the brain...math, vocabulary, etc. No...you can't start a 3 year-old on a trumpet...but you can on a kazoo, whistle, or keyboard etc. and build a love of music that will reach every facet of their being and eventually will transfer to other instruments and opportunities. Do the research... If you are the kind of parent who enjoys putting on a video just to take your afternoon nap or getting them on the computer, then quit reading now. But if you are a parent who wants your child to be in line for major college and university scholarships....buy that keyboard, kazoo, toy trumpet, or whistle NOW. Sit back, enjoy and reap the rewards that your "horrible" gift will reap...if you can put off immediate gratification of that afternoon nap, and wait until your child is in line for the Morehead scholarship.
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pianb1 12-03-2009 @ 9:40PM
Thank you! I totally agree. I think every kid should get a musical instrument for Christmas. Also i would like to add that little kids have a much easier time picking up on a musical instrument, and that it is probably best to start exposing a child to as much music as possible, from the earliest age possible.
Kathie 12-03-2009 @ 9:00PM
How silly. Noise and mess come with parenthood. Except for the cheerleader Barbie, which is for an older girl anyway, I didn't see a bad gift on the list. Original Bop-it was stupid, but if your kid is going to enjoy it, what the heck?
P.S. Kids don't like educational toys unless they are extremely well crafted. I hated them.
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Aquarium Owner 12-03-2009 @ 9:12PM
What makes me angry is not any of these toys, but that the author considers any pet "except a goldfish" a big responsibility. Dogs and cats may be expensive, but MOST people understand thier needs because they are mammals like us. Fish are cheap but that doesn't mean they don't deserve proper care. Things people do wrong:
- Too many fish in one tank. Goldfish bowls are actually too small for even one goldfish. 10 gallon is the minimum for healthy fish.
- Not treating the water. Most tap water has chemicals that make it safe for humans to drink but deady for a fish's gills. Treat your water.
- Not changing the water. Change a portion of the water each week. The ammonia that builds up from waste will kill fish. This is especially important when you first get the fish because bacteria that break down ammonia have not grown yet. Better yet, set up the tank on Thanksgiving, research how to get the good bacteria growing and go get fish right before Christmas.
Fish are living things too, please take proper care of them so that you can have a great pet for years to come!
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Kim 12-03-2009 @ 11:27PM
Oh my god, I know! I have a dog and a cat, and I adore them both to pieces! I would consider a pet the best gift I've ever recieved! Sure, they take some work, but they almost never wake you up in the middle of the night or embarass you in public the way a kid does.
Madison 12-03-2009 @ 9:26PM
I think giving a child a musical instrument is a wonderful gift. It's awful someone would say that giving the gift of music to a child is wrong!
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Tattoo Mom 12-04-2009 @ 2:37PM
I take offense to your comments about Tattoo Artists my daughter is one. She happens to have graduated from Syracuse University. You should never make such comments about any group of people. Hope these aren't the prejudices you are passing along to your children. I think I would definitely spend time with her and her co- workers who are all wonderful and educated people than someone who is so narrow minded and judgemental
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lunamorgan 12-04-2009 @ 1:12PM
You're completely right, their commentary was completely offensive. Not to mention out-dated. We're fast approaching 2010 and people still think tattoos are inappropriate? Most retail stores and many private businesses allow employees to have visible tattoos these days and tattoos are no longer taboo black and blue ink monstrosities only seen on sailors and prison inmates. Many tattoos are works of art. Almost everyone I know has one or more tattoos and rather than being ugly skulls or monsters they include things like birds, flowers, mythological creatures, or meaningful text. People are uneducated fools sometimes and you can't let closed-minded idiots get you down.
Kit 12-04-2009 @ 3:10PM
Heck yeah Tattoo Mom! I also think that the comments about tattoo artists is bullsh*t! As you can see on my comment, I REAMED Ms. "Stick up her butt" a new one. She has NO RIGHT to say that we're uneducated in anyway! I too am a tattoo artist =) And would LOVE to see you're daughters art!!
I look forward to seeing you guys at some conventions! Much love to my fellow "Tat Mom"!!
Connie 12-03-2009 @ 10:48PM
Who in the hell would buy their kid a tattoo gun??!!! I hope the manufacturer goes belly up!
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Nat 12-03-2009 @ 10:52PM
I agree about the musical instruments. We bought our son a toy drum and xylophone when he was just turning one and he loved that.
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Connie 12-03-2009 @ 10:54PM
Someone has to graduate at the bottom of every class. If I was her mom I wouldn't get offended, I would wonder why all that money was wasted on college tuition. Not a smart move. It doesn't take brains to trash up someones' body - permanently.
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Digi 12-03-2009 @ 10:58PM
This story is completely retarded, but what else do you expect from Sandy Maple. I dont even think she has any kids and if she does i feel incredible amounts of pity for them.
First off a musical instrument while noisy excersizes creativity in youth. Something OBVIOUSLY this author lacks entirely.
Second off pets? Ive gotten a couple pets for special occasions in the past and have to say I couldnt ever imagine a more...heartfelt gift. Not only are they getting a gift but unless you have a child chucky (ref:childsplay movies) they too will find a best friend in such a thing.
Thirdly, the moon sand. Now Ive never heard of this stuff...ever but just the 'negative remark' on it actually sounds interesting to me. I also find it funny the main complain is because it will get all over carpet and such.....I forgot, we normally put sand boxes in our living rooms? Ever heard of a driveway, backyard, porch etc? Gimme a break
Now the other gifts just seem rather tackish but aside from the porn pinup barbie I see nothing wrong with the rest. While the tattoo gun follows a ...grundge history in reality, the toy still excersizes creative talent.
Also like someone has already posted...if you dont want noise dont have children. Im really getting sick fo todays youth coming up with all kinds of excuses to rationalize how they accidently got pregnant with a child they cant support. ITS ABOUT TIME PEOPLE START TAKING RESPONSIBILITY.............seems like so much to ask these days.
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Bird 12-03-2009 @ 11:29PM
Can you get more ridiculous than saying "never buy your kid a musical instrument for Christmas?" Where do you think they get musicians, a cabbage patch? Kids start out playing badly...they get better with practice! It takes encouragement, a teacher, and leaving the room for your sanity once in a while. Get over it!
Pets...I wouldn't buy one for a friend unless they asked, but for my own children that's fine. Some shelters won't adopt right around Christmas. They had to do a moratorium on dalmations at ours the year 101 Dalmations came out, because people are impulse buyers when they see trained cute dogs in movies.. But generally, pets are great gifts!
I also loved our baby's corn popper toy...there's a reason they remain popular. The kids like them and the parents know where the child is :)
Sounds mostly like the author (more a blogger than a journalist) has problems with noise. To each his own.
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Billie 12-03-2009 @ 11:54PM
Did anyone actually read the article? These are gifts that a parent would rather others not get for their children. Musical instruments and especially live animals are something that will be heard or taken care of by the entire family so it is inappropriate for anyone but a parent to give these kinds of gifts. Or at least talk to the parent before you do it. And musicality is not a prerequisite for a good college. Some kids are just not into it, my sons play sports, they have been bought drums, keyboards and guitars, and they had no interest. They still are on the Honor Roll in high school. One is being offered academic and athletic scholarships and the other will be right behind him. As long as they have determination and work ethic, they will do well in college. There are several comments here that are very judgmental. Why do most of the people on these blogs believe that their opinion is superior to everyone else's to the point that they have to name call? Insecurity in one's own opinion finds the need to put others down.
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Jane-the-Dane 12-04-2009 @ 12:48AM
What do you expect when you ask the Grinch for advice! Hopefully she is not a parent, otherwise I pitty her kids! You've gotta have music! What about the Mozart effect! Thankfully many mothers-to- be listen to all kinds of music thus exposing their unborn child to rhythm and melody and learning. Everybody has to crawl before they can run, children have to sound loud and not so good before they become masters, and even if they don't all become accomplished musician, if they enjoy playing then that's a huge personal reward in itself for the child. Remember, YOU might find the music noisy and annoying because YOU cannot understand it. I am a language teacher, I always base my teaching on music and songs, from traditional to rock, and my students are quite successful because in part they are having fun, but also because music opens up the paths of learning. Music rocks at all ages!
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preschooltch 12-04-2009 @ 1:06AM
Noisy toys can become annoying, partly because of the volume. To reduce volume, put a piece of tape over the speaker holes, or partially over the speaker holes. This allows the kids to enjoy the toys and you to enjoy your sanity.
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web 12-04-2009 @ 1:13AM
I'm a musician, I cannot remember when I was not, so naturally I find the statement about "no musical instruments" as gifts for kids as just plain wrong on so many levels. But I do recognize that not all ears are as tolerant as mine regarding little folks in the initial stages of learning to play one. It can be nerve wracking, especially if the kid merely gets a kick out of using it as a audio-weapon of sorts. Were I to give one as a gift, I'd make sure it was acceptable to the parents. Books and art supplies are quieter and also foster creativity. I defer to the parents, as I am not a parent.
I do agree one should not ever give an animal as a surprise gift. Be very sure they want it! And at the very least give it outright to the person who will be in charge of its care. Not a small child. That'll be more work for the parental unit/s, and can foster fast resentment. As pointed out, even a goldfish deserves a roomy tank and attention to its particular needs.
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