Anyone who gives your child a musical instrument for Christmas is deliberately tying to make you unhappy. Drums, keyboards, kazoos and string instruments sound nothing like they are intended to sound when in the hands (or mouths) of your average untrained child. Unless, of course, your kid is an undiscovered prodigy. In that case, a thank you note is in order.
What's worse than a toy that yells at you? How about a toy that yells at you in an overly-energetic recorded voice backed by an annoying techno-pop beat? That's what Bop It does as it instructs players to twist it, pull it, bop it and, of course, SHOUT it. There is even a misleading "quiet mode" that has almost no effect on the noise level this evil electronic toy can create.
Baby Alive has been around for a long time but she seems to get creepier and more annoying as the years go by. Where she used to just coo and cry, she now poops and pees. That's right, she has dirty diapers that must be changed. Even if your kid is totally into changing soiled diapers, you will still be the one running to the toy store for tiny Huggies.
This is one of those products that seems so great on television and so very, very horrible on your living room carpet. As the commercial promises, this stuff does not dry out. Ever. It will remain moist and moldable as it find its way into every crack and crevice in your home.
This really should go without saying, but pets make terrible gifts. Unless it's a goldfish, adding a pet to the family is like adding another child. Except this one never grows up and leaves home. If someone gives your child a pet for Christmas, perhaps you should take a moment to consider what it is you did to deserve this.
This toy has been annoying parents since 1957! What sets this plaything apart from other annoying toys are the wheels and the handle. Because if there is anything worse than being chased out of a room by incessant popping sounds, it's being followed from one end of the house to the other by incessant popping sounds.
Thanks to Sesame Street and Fisher Price, you no longer have to attend a wedding reception to be irritated by the Chicken Dance song. Elmo's piercing voice is disturbing enough, but when he's using it to teach your kids to sing and dance to this dreadful song, he's gone too far.
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Though it would hardly seem possible, Barbie got skinnier and even more oddly proportioned after becoming a professional cheerleader. But what really irks is what this doll, recommended for ages 5 and up, is wearing: A skimpy halter top, hip-hugging short shorts, stiletto boots and a come-hither smile.
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This toy's entire reason for being is to push parents to the breaking point. A battery-operated megaphone with a voice-modifier, it allows your kids to yell in 10 different voices. The best thing about the Voice Changer is the sound it makes as it hits the bottom of the trash can.
This gadget lets kids know there is a fun and profitable alternative to finishing school and going to college: Become a tattoo artist! Hours of fun await your future dropout with this vibrating plastic pen and stencil set. The worst thing about the toy tattoo gun is that it is painless. If kids are going to pretend to ink each other up, it should at least hurt. A lot.