Kids Explain All Things Santa
Adriana Hughes can run around Lyle Elementary School in Dallas, Ore., in under a minute. She reckons that Santa Claus must be able to run at least as fast to make it all the way around the world in one night. He might even run faster than a cheetah.
Just how fast can a cheetah run?
"Well, faster than me," Adriana said. "Maybe. I can run pretty fast."
Adriana knows about such things. She is one of Linda Ellingson's kindergarten students at Lyle Elementary, which is about an hour south of Portland. Kindergarten students are often the world's leading authorities on all things Santa Claus. They know the answers to the mysteries that have been plaguing humanity for centuries.
For instance, how does a, uh, horizontally challenged fellow like Santa Claus get down all those narrow chimneys? And what about the houses that don't even have chimneys?
Logan Person, one of Adriana's classmates, said it is a silly question. You leave him the key to your house under your doormat. But don't tell anyone. "Only Santa is smart enough to look for keys under doormats," he said.
Logan and Adriana took part in a panel of experts from Mrs. Ellingson's class that sat down with ParentDish to discuss the finer points of Santa Claus.
For example, what about this business that Santa won't come unless you're asleep? Sheer North Pole propaganda, said Brookelyn Edwards. Don't believe it.
"I saw Santa once," she said. "I heard foot(steps) once and pretended I was asleep."
Adriana she did the same thing with the Easter bunny. That sparked some denominational differences among the panel. "There is no Easter Bunny," Brookelyn said. "It's just some guy who comes to your house in a suit."
Santa Claus, however, is the real deal. "It could just be your mom and dad," said Alli Davis, "But probably not. I actually saw him at Wal-Mart."
Getting back to Santa's travel habits, forget the actual air speed. How can reindeer fly? "Magic popcorn," said Adriana. Others disagreed. While not getting into the physics that civilians and journalism majors couldn't comprehend anyway, they said it all has to do with Rudolph's red nose.
"It makes all the others fly," Brookelyn said. "That's why he's up front."
Santa Claus must be pretty old. After all, he was filling stockings for their grandparents' grandparents. Exactly how old is he?
"Really old," said Brookelyn. "At least 40."
A guy that age should watch his weight. Yet a common tradition on Christmas Eve is to leave treats for Santa. "I leave him chocolate cookies, maybe a cupcake," said Alli.
Brookelyn said she leaves him milk or soda pop, depending on what's available. Soda pop? Adrianna said she wouldn't want to be around when a man as jolly as Santa Claus burps soda pop. That was one thing the entire group could agree upon.
They all gave the same answer in unison:"Eeewww!"
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