The Greatest Gift Of The Season: A Free-Range Childhood

My husband and I actually talked about this a few days ago. I grew up on a farm (130+ acres). My mother would say "Go play" and I would go outside and just roam, find something to play with, or ride my bike down the street. I would come back if I heard her call of if it started to get dark outside. Nowadays, I keep a watchful eye on my 4 yr old son even if he is in the backyard. I check on him frequently and if I know I can't check on him (feeding his brother, etc.), I make him come inside. For me, it is the thought that if something DID ever happen to him, my face would be blasted on TV as the mother who was irresponsible with her child. It would seem as if I was being a careless or lazy parent. I would agree that the media frenzy that encircles such stories today has made us skittish to allow our children to do anything on their own. It's sad because I know that freedom had a direct impact in developing my imagination. I see myself guiding my son from activity to activity throughout the day and it makes me cringe.

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I love the idea but in my neighborhood,free range kids could get hit with a stray bullet and more.:(

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I have been saying this for years!!!!!! Finally someone sees it! I am still a nervous mother but only because society makes it that way. My child walks a half a block to her bus in the morning but I walk with her or her dad. She's 11. If something happens to my daughter I would be plastered all over the news as unfit and charged with child endangerment!!!! It's insane! At 11 I was walking to school 10 blocks away, going to the store for my mother and letting myself in when I got home from school. We are raising a bunch of weaklings....

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It is our job as parents to provide a safe, nurturing environment in which to rear our children. It is ALSO our job to instill the tools they will need to successfully navigate real life. Too much hovering, overscheduling, and overprotecting hampers this process.

A well-written article!!

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If I let "what the media will do" rule my life, I'd be hovering alot more and my kids would be doing less. I parent by my rules and if someone wants to take the time to accuse me of endangerment, I'm going to fire back at them with everything I have. It's time that different parenting styles are allowed. It's time that we stopped bending to the small group of people that don't agree. We need to stand up for our own rights. I will not allow myself to be bullied by those who disagree with me. I'll stand for the change that needs to be.

Sometimes setting an example is the best way. In the past year that my children have been free to roam our 4 street neighborhood, I've seen the changes. Other children have been allowed out. More children are playing together outside. One child made a point of telling me that she walked up the hill by herself! She should be proud of herself and we shoudl encourage that.

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I'm all for free range parenting and fortunately live in a wonderful neighborhood where this is possible. Everyone of all ages here looks out for everyone else. It is wonderful!

However, I have to be very, very careful in what I allow my older children to do to "cover my butt" as well because I have a mentally ill sister-in-law who regularly makes false CPS reports accusing us of all manner of parenting abuse and neglect to exact revenge upon my husband.

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I find it interesting that most of the comments were "I would love to do this but..."

That's the problem with most parents today is that they are worried about things that could happen, but in all likelyhood won't. The actual statistics of kids that are kidnapped or injured in a driveby is relatively small, and yet most parents today believe it will happen if they are not there to watch their children every second of every day. Kids today are so sheltered compared to when I was a kid, and mind you this was only almost twenty years ago. It seems up until about the mid nineties children were freerange. I know that I walked to school and rode my bike around not just the neighborhood (alone, mind you), but to the store, along busy streets--without a helmet.

I think a big reason for this is, sad to say, a lot of people are sue happy and places are afraid of having to shell out huge amounts for people who think it is someone else's responsibility to raise their children. So now children can't run on the black top playground in school nor can we as parents bake cupcakes for their birthdays. Rather, we have to bring in those prepackaged snack cakes, which because of the amount of preservatives and sugars, are actually a lot worse than the homemade stuff.

The thing is, if you've taught your children right from wrong, you have to trust that they will make good choices, and if they don't, that they will learn from their mistakes. It seems as if parents these days are afraid to let their kids make mistakes--but I can tell you from experience that if you hurt yourself by jumping off the jungle gym or by touching the hot light bulb, you'll never ever do it again. But god forbid you let that happen, right, because then the people at the ER will call social services. When I was a kid, I remember being taught by a police officer who came to our classroom what to do in case someone tried to abduct you--I don't think they do that anymore in schools, but they should. Our parents also took us to a bike safety course that was taught at the highway patrol, and afterwards, trusted that we knew how to be safe. We were also to call when we got home from school, the mall, or anything else.

I will close with this: the more mistakes people make as children, the less likely they are to make those same mistakes as adults.

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Right on, Lenore!

It took me years to stop feeling guilty for being so "different" from the other moms at playgroup and preschool. We'd show up and be the only ones with dirty knees and messy hair - how did they do it, I'd wonder?

I don't know, but I love my messy, wild kids. They do a lot of things that make me crazy (and certainly embarass me at playgroup), but I have two children who are perfectly capable of cleaning their room, dressing themselves, making their own picnic snack, and going outside to find a friend to share it with. That has to be a win.

Sierra at www.childwild.com

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Great post Lenore. Happy Christmas to you! xx

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Just read the book and loved it and laughed a lot throughout. I have twin 3.5 year olds adopted from Ethiopia and I keep thinking about how different their lives would have been there (for good and for bad). I certainly don't intend to keep them imprisoned and make mush of them as so many American kids seem to be. We so underestimate what our children are capable of.
One statistical question keeps nagging me....maybe Lenore has an answer. Could there possibly be a correlation between crimes against kids dropping and there just not being as many kids out and about? I hate to think that's the case (because i take comfort in the dropping rate scenario). What say? Keep up the great cause, Lenore!

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My theory is that, among other things, AIR CONDITIONING has ruined our children. I was a child of the '60's in the hot and humid South, when almost no one had A/C; people had screen windows and doors and lots of fans. It was hotter inside the house than outside. If people had a window air conditioner, they shut the door to that room and kept the kids out. And, back then, your mother would shoo you outside and lock the door! If we wanted a drink, we had to drink water out of the garden hose! The only way to get back inside was to knock and beg to be let inside to use the bathroom. (If I send my 3 children outside, they are back inside in 5 minutes, wailing "It's too hot!" They have no tolerance for the modern South's heat and humidity.) We played outside with the neighbor kids all day, but that was ok because there was nothing to do inside. No cable TV, Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, Disney Channel, computers, video games (My kids can't imagine!). My sister and I would sit under a tree and read all the books (Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys) we owned every summer, including the Encyclopedias!

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Great article... that is totally simplistic and fails to acknowledge that there are plenty of places in this country that AREN'T safer. Also, with what kids see on tv, some of what they do when let "loose" is idiotic. I'm sure most parents here are loving and do teach their children right from wrong. But many use the basic ideas behind this article as an excuse for neglect.

I'm a pediatric emergency room nurse in a major inner-city area. I see the kids who thought jumping off the roof was smart. Or dousing a soccer ball in gasoline, lighting it, and trying to play "flameball".Or who simply ran out into the street to get their ball, oblivious to the oncoming car that had no real chance to stop.

My kids play outside all the time... but they are properly supervised. It's called parenting. If they didn't need it they would grow in the cabbage patch.

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No, I'm grateful that my kids have what they have. I never did those things, and it sounds completely mindless. Does it have a time and place, sure, but all day, every day? My middle two (twin girl and boy) are very introverted and would be miserable like that, and all of them would be bored. I'd have to pry my youngest off of her kiddie science websites with a pliers. She'd stare at me like I sprouted a second head if I told her to go play baseball. Also, none of my kids MOPE, thank you, nor do they like Fruit Roll-Ups, not that there would be anything wrong if they did. I never hoped my kids would run outside and yell "whoopee." I never hoped anything other than that they'd be happy and healthy. They're individuals, not my property. I'm secure enough that I don't need to live vicariously through them and make them into little me's. I wouldn't want to. What fun would it be if they were all the same as each other, let alone all the same as me? It would be delusional of me to think that the same activities or the same parenting style would work for 5 kids.

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Great to see you have a new venue, Lenore, to support more parents who long to let their children run free and play, enjoy the wide-ranging benefits of nature, and nurture their creativity.

Giving children responsibility, trust and respect is truly a great gift.

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Here is an idea for a Christmas gift that lasts www.grannyconnect.com

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I love the idea of free range kids, we have a park across the street, 5 meters from our house. CPS were called by a nieghbour because we allowed or 7 and 8 year old with thier 12 year old brother in the safe, clean park during the day, god forbid if they can breath.

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I agree we need to find ways to let our kids just roam and play outside, as well as teaching them SAFE ways to introduce themselves to neighbors, people at the park, or just to say "hi" when walking down a street. I think one aspect of the problem is that, as I recall in my own childhood in the Midwest, there were no privacy fences--kids could and were generally welcomed to run through neighbor's yards to get where they were going, ALL the neighbors knew one another, and even if they lived on different streets, there was a sense of responsibility for one anothers' kids, and there were almost always at least one adult in every home most of the time. My mother would get calls and give calls to the other mothers in the neighborhood when the flock of kids ran through the yard or when I showed up to knock at someone's door to see if they could play. It was also generally understood that ANY adult at ANY time could and should step in to correct ANY child--regardless of whether they personally knew the parents--when they saw a mistake or bad behavior.

None of this is true today in the area where I live, though I saw it on a visit to Louisiana last month at my brother-in-law's.

We, as adults, need to reestablish the sense of interconnection in the neighborhoods where we live, and THAT is what makes us feel safe when letting our kids roam.

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I'm so happy there are like-minded individuals like myself! As a parent, I do worry a little (okay, maybe more than a little) about my daughter's safety. At 3 years old, she is VERY advanced and it's concerning because she uses logic like you and me in somewhat dangerous situations like crossing the street. She's also very active so she plays in the backyard all by herself digging for worms, watering plants, or looking for interesting bugs. She also knows how to use a crosswalk: red hand means stop, white person means look both ways and cross. She rides her trike all the way around the block with me trailing behind at my own pace. In the supermarket, she picks out the items on the list and switches between being in the germy cart or touching the germy products lol. She is very independent and we let her play how she likes to play. I'm not going to be paranoid like my parents were: TRUE STORY: my mother followed me to a pizza get-together at the local pizza place (which was in a small shopping plaza AROUND the CORNER where I lived!) I rode my bike there, hung out with my friends, and we rode our bikes our separate ways home. My mom came outta nowhere and told me to get in the car because we were supposed to ride TOGETHER! I'm like, "Mom, but we all live in different places!" I LOVED to ride my bike everywhere around my neighborhood. She also called the cops on me once because I was literally down the street at my friend's house and I forgot to call. RIDOCULOUSLY paranoid my parents. Yes, I get like that SOMETIMES but I've learned to kick back a little and let my kid be a kid. At least I'm not the one keeping my kid in a bubble. She also loves Batman and Superman (the original)..btw the Batman I'm talking about is the one with Micheal Keaton and Danny Devito. She's seen it 3 times. And she isn't a violent gun-weilding preschooler.

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