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Should I Force My Daughter to Eat Healthy Food She Hates?
Filed under: Tweens, Teens, Nutrition: Health, Mealtime, Dear Karla
Dear Karla, My daughter has always been a picky eater. From an early age, my wife and I never forced her to eat the same foods as we did and got into the habit of preparing separate meal items for her. Now that our daughter is nine years old, we feel she should be eating the same foods as us, as she will be a teenager soon and should be having 'adult-like' food. My wife does not believe in forcing a child to eat foods they hate as that happened to her as a child and she still cringes at the memories. When is the right time to ditch the 'kiddie' foods?
Thanks,
David
Hi David,
First of all, I would like to commend you on taking a moment to reflect on your daughter's current eating habits and being open to taking chances to improve them. This is a great time to instill the kind of healthy habits that our children will continue as adults.
Your wife is correct about not forcing food, as the food items we "force" often become associated with a negative feeling. In short, food becomes a punishment. And because so often the things that kids don't want to eat are vegetables (which contain crucial nutrients), those are then associated with punishment and negativity, while dessert or leaving the table becomes the reward. This creates confusion amongst children as they hold negative feelings towards healthy foods, which is not what any parent intends.
Instead of forcing and fighting, there are a few other things you can do.Now that your daughter is nine, this is a great time to get her involved in the kitchen. She can put on an apron and help with the cooking, set the table, and even offer suggestions on meal items. For example, let her decide what type of vegetable dish she would like to prepare. When you listen to her opinion she will not only feel empowered, but realize that she has a bit of freedom in mealtime decisions as well.
From the time a child is old enough to eat finger food, this is also the time they should switch over to adult foods, with the exception of nuts and honey and possibly any other food that can either be classified as a choking hazard or allergy risk if this runs in the family. Here are some simple, healthy recipe swaps.
- Mac and Cheese - Try whole wheat pasta noodles with grated, lower-fat, hard cheese and diced tomatoes (or no-salt-added canned tomatoes or sauce)
- Frozen Pizza - Try a whole wheat tortilla pizza with no-salt-added tomato sauce, grilled white meat, raw vegetables (to the child's choosing) and lower-fat cheese on top
- Chicken Fingers -Try a homemade version of chicken strips coated in beaten egg and then rolled in crushed cereal
- Fruit Bars - Try apples or pears, cut into wedges and served with yogurt or a healthy dip
Karla Heintz (BSc Nut), Nutrition Educator and author of Picky? Not Me, Mom! A Parent's Guide to Children's Nutrition
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
12-17-2009 @ 12:53PM
Katja said...You are right, you've gotten into some bad habits. I was a fmily doctor and now specialize in kids who are struggling with feeding or eating issues. Just involoving them in cooking or decision making won't change the dynamic. (I have a client who is a nutritionist who came to me saying, "Timmy cooks with me, he loves talking about whole wheat and veggies, but then only eats plain pasta.") In my experience changing a dynamic like this means rethinking lots of things in your approach to feeding. Serve foods family style, always have something she will eat, like bread on the table, but have lots of other choices. Don't let her graze between meals as an appetite is a great motivator to try new things.Get all the pressure off. Don't bribe or reward with easy to like foods, expect her to maybe only eat bread for awhile while she learns to trust that you won't force her to eat anything she doesn't want to eat. Eat meals as a family. Add flavor, including fats, sauces and dips to harder to like foods. The sooner you turn things around, the better! Read "Secrets to Feeding a Healthy Family," by Child feeding expert Ellyn Satter and Good luck!!!
www.familyfeedingdynamics.com
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12-17-2009 @ 12:54PM
Jupiter said...I can see the point of a parent adopting a "just shut up and eat it" attitude, definitely. As a child I ate everything put in front of me, but thankfully I didn't have any sensitivities either.
My mum used to hide foods my older "fussy" sister hated in her food, but she always found it. It turns out the reason my sister rejected certain foods is that she has a myriad of allergies, including many to the foods she refused to eat as a youngster. Often children will know when a food makes them feel bad, but won't know how to say it other than crying or saying they don't want or like it. Sometimes they won't be given the chance or choice either, and they could suffer for years with discomfort and discord over an undiagnosed allergy, sensitivity, or physical intolerance.
I like this plan of telling them they have to eat veggies, but letting them help with the selection and preparation. Great idea!
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12-17-2009 @ 1:04PM
Jupiter said...One other thing: I learned to love veggies, even raw, when my elementary school set out many tables with so many plates of various different kinds of raw veggies. There must have been at least 50 different kinds (not youthful memory exaggeration ~ onw whole wall of the huge open classroom was lined with tables). We were required to try one small piece of each. I learned from that moment on that I almost never met a veggie I didn't like (okra and eggplant are a bit of a pill ~ I choke on the sliminess ~ but apart from those I love them all).
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12-20-2009 @ 11:26AM
mathew said...unfortunately my wife forced our son to and daughter to eat healthy food even after i told her not to and now they reject even partially healthy foods. its a real hell. i tried the methods in this article but it did not helo one bit. the next method might have to be using some of the ingredients they like perhaps in their food like tacos. only breaking them up and putting them over a stew with home mande salsa sauce. thats has worked so far. so i think thats another way for them to eat healthy is that you have to be creative and perhaps come up with new dishes that look delicious to them.
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