How to Raise a Happy Child: Tips for Positive Parenting

Everyone's talking about how to find personal happiness and fulfillment, but how can you make sure that you pass those traits on to your kids? Maureen Healy, founder of Growing Happy Kids and author of 365 Perfect Things to Say to Your Kids, weighs in on how to use positive parenting to raise happy kids.

Q: What do happy kids look like?

Happy kids look positive. They smile, laugh and feel joy. A key factor of a happy kid is that they are feeling good about what is happening in and around them and they tend to see the world as supportive, safe and a positive place to express themselves. They often look for ways to make other people happy too.

Unhappy kids often feel unsafe, unsupported and alone. A perfect example is that so many kids unfortunately grow up in abusive or harmful environments with parents not creating a safe space (i.e. alcoholism, physical or emotional abuse, trauma survivors). Without the proper assistance and guidance kids can too quickly begin to create thoughts and generate feelings that aren't helpful to fostering happiness.

Q: What is positive parenting, and what does it have to do with raising happy kids?

A: Positive parenting is focused upon empowering kids versus diminishing them. It centres on implementing approaches that create a strong and positive bond between parent and child. Happy kids imprint what they see. So if a parent is positive, feels good about him or herself and approaches life in a skillful manner then their kid will likely follow suit. It is not a simple approach but something that is multi-faceted and includes awareness, high-consciousness and insight that parenting today has changed. Positive parents focus upon raising kids to have rewarding lives versus solely getting "good jobs." The aim is that every kid gets to happily share his or her unique talents. Kids that feel able to create their unique life and pursue their dreams are beginning to pave the path towards happiness.

Q: What do parents do too much of?

A: Parents, in my humble opinion, do too much rushing. They are rushing to work, rushing to take kids to after-school activities, rushing to pay the bills, rushing to get it all done and it will never be all done. Everyday provides more to add to the "to do" list and life feels really rushed. So my suggestion is for more and more parents to slow down. Instead of rushing – try to mindfully pick the most important activities of the day and complete them in a contented pace so that life doesn't feel so rushed. Creating an atmosphere where each step matters and parents cultivate an awareness of what they are doing versus how fast they are doing it will set a healthy and happy example for their kids. Remember it wasn't the hare that won the race. It was the turtle.

Q: Do you have any tips for raising a happy kid?

A: Yes. My biggest tip is to learn how to be happy yourself. I am talking about true happiness, not fleeting happiness like an ice cream cone that feels good in the moment but is soon gone. Lasting happiness is the type of happiness that I would like more and more adults to focus upon cultivating in themselves. This type of inner state feels like peace no matter what is going on in the external world. Today, there exist many qualified teachers that help guide parents to experience happiness habitually in their lives.

Q: If you could send one message to parents, what would it be?

A: Choose your words carefully. My latest book, 365 Perfect Things to Say to Your Kids, is being released on January 10 and it emphasizes the power of words to positively influence a kid's development and ultimately happiness. A happy kid really feels empowered and encouraged by the words of their parent. So being able to pick words or sayings that truly foster a kid's self-confidence, courage, optimism and connection are essential to positive parenting. They also plant the seeds of happiness.

Q: Can you give me an example of the right and wrong ways to say something?

A: Sure. Words spoken from a parent to a child need to be encouraging, supportive and positive so that the child develops a sense of joy, confidence and connection. Often times parents automatically parent the way they have been parented. And this often means they unconsciously or unintentionally say things that are negative and are harmful. Adults tend to not realize how powerful positive words are to have lasting impact and well the opposite is true too.

Some ideal sayings are: Great job, Johnny. You are really learning how to paint and use your unique talents. I am really happy for you. I believe in you. You are really learning so much each day, and it makes me proud and happy in every way. What a great job of sharing you did today with Cousin Chris. The more you share the more you show you care. Plus helping each other is a good way to be and helps bring you happiness.

Some not-so-good sayings are: Hi Johnny, I guess you won't be a painter. Are you learning anything in school? You seem to be the same as last year. I wish you helped me out more. It was nice to see you help your cousin but I could really use your help.